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Thursday, May 21, 2015

Bojack's back a month early.

Last August, an anthropomorphic horse stole my heart. It was a goofy, by the numbers, animated comedy that slowly bloomed into a sincere exploration of cynicism and self destruction. They also broke the news that Andrew Garfield loves lasagna and hates Mondays.

I'm so down for this I just might watch the first season all over again... again.

I just avenged the angry spirit of a miscarried fetus.

So what did you do today?

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Green Man Gaming is super-duper sorry.

I'll be honest, when GGG was selling The Witcher 3 for $10 less than every one else, I pounced. It was only later did I learn that they managed to do that by putting one over on the developer.

CD Projekt Red, pride of Poland, and dyed in the wool advocates against DRM. I was pissed. I'd have supported them more if I could, but I didn't get the whole story. Oh, and apparently some of those ill-gotten game codes didn't even work.

So this morning a 40% voucher popped up in my inbox. Valid for my next purchase whatever that might be.
What...ever that may be.

I'm still deeply disappointed in them, but I also am not turning down that kind of a deal. Also WB interactive could use a good buggering. Why not take on a studio with real lawyers GGG?

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

The Witcher 3 and the death of doll eyes.

Running though GTAV recently has been a blast. It looks absolutely gorgeous. Just stunning all the time. Except the cut scenes. I started to hate them. Not because anyone who isn't Michael, Trevor, or Franklin is a bizarre shell of a tired stereotype... well not just that.  It's that nobodies eyes ever focus on anything. Sure, sometimes their eyelids narrow or open but they can't disguise the lifelessness beneath.

Neither could Bioware, hence the name "Bioware face." But the Witcher 3 fixes a lot of these problems. In the first 10 minutes alone Geralt smiles... with his eyes. I forgot to take a screen shot, but suffice it to say, it's something Julia Roberts made a career out of. Every character's eyes in this game focus on something and I'm in love:

Monday, May 18, 2015

Here's some free advice:

If you ever feel like sending an angry letter to management... don't send an angry letter to management.

Are you stone cold sober?

don't do it.

Are most of your fellow employees on your side?

Don't Do It.

Can you subsist off the land and create a new life out of simple tools and fertile soil?

We both know you couldn't make it 2 weeks without the internet, DON'T DO IT.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

So it's come to this: A Simpsons Theme Park.

The last episode of the Simpsons I saw was in 2009. I owned seasons 2-8 and loved them all, but I couldn't bear to see what had happened some 10 years later. I literally grew up with the Simpsons, sneaking it at friend's houses as my parents were kinda-sorta "media crusading" against it. They're better now.

I vaulted it as the height of comedy while barely understanding why it was funny. And it turns out I wasn't wrong. The Simpsons started a golden age of comedy, not just for animation, but also single camera shows that might as well have been animated. Like Community and to a lesser extent, Scrubs.

It's fitting that now that Harry Shearer, literally half the voices on that show, has left the show that the new theme park has opened. That's a death kneel and I can't imagine them soldering on too much longer without Mr. Burns, Flanders, Principle Skinner, or any other of the hundreds of characters that now have to unceremoniously disappear. He's also 70. That may have something to do with it.

So this is the end. Why not go out with a bang? With a museum of highlights that will physically remain long after that future solar flare stops all electrical current on this planet forever! I am not anti-Simpsons theme park. Far from it. Will I ever go back to Universal Studios? Probably not. Though it is nice to know that in the eyes of executives TV properties have all the same rights and opportunities as film.

In a Simpsons theme park that has a DMV, somebody's heart somewhere, is in the right place.

You thought I was kidding? McCracken doesn't kid about the DMV.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Marvel's Phase 4 has been leaked. I don't think you're ready for it.

Let your face be melted off by an awesomesauce whose PH balance is off the scale! The PH scale! This awesomesauce is so caustic you guys!!!