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Monday, January 30, 2017

The Black Pawn and the White Queen

Today I'm faced with a dilemma. Can I still be an entertainment blog whilst also bringing up the soft executive coup that's given a 70 year old child emperor veto power? Maybe! Let's find out.

Spy thrillers are some of my favorite stories and lord knows the Iraq war era had nothing for that genre. They're about massive nations pulling off invisible, yet devastating, plots against one another. That's something terrorist cells could never provide. Finesse.

It's been a generation since America has been threatened by a nation that's got it's sh*t together and I think a hell of a lot of these recent events are part of a successful Russian op. A sitting republican president that praises the Russian leader is nuts. That is f%$king NUTS. It's the only talking point he has ever been consistent on. It would be more ridiculous if Russia didn't have sh*t on Trump at this point.

So going from the idea that Trump is compromised... how did that happen? We may never have the real story but we can speculate. What we fill the blanks in with may never be the whole truth, but I'd settle for some weak tea just to get my heart rate lower. I think I've found that tea.

An anonymous blogger spun one hell of a yarn on the 17th. It could be bull but it can't all be bull. I've been a political junkie since I had an hour long free period in 5th grade to devour the library's periodical rack. I haven't seen bi-partisan criticism of Russia in my life time and you best believe my John le Carre loving butt was looking for it. Sh*t is going down and this may be the answer. Even if it isn't, it's still one hell of a thriller:




Sunday, January 29, 2017

How do you do that?

The real tragedy is that he never got a chance to be the greatest grandpa who ever walked the earth.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

This... Hurts.

Sir John Hurt has left us and I'm... pretty crushed. There's simply no one waiting in the wings that could make dialogue sing the way he could. He had a marvelously articulate rage, no surprise to anyone who saw V for Vendetta, which is actually an excellent companion piece to his work in 1984. It was the little things I always admired most about him. In Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (still on netflix and well worth your time) he's a spymaster who ends up getting played by a mole and in the scene where the inner circle ousts him he shreds the line "I should have left you WHERE I FOUND YOU." That shouldn't be my favorite moment in the movie but through sheer force of will he made me love it.

My condolences to his friends and family. I'm going to miss him terribly.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

This isn't gonna steal my joy.

Man, I've had a corker of a sh**y week. I worked 5 double shifts in a row, 2 of them nightmares. Then I tried to get Resident Evil 7 up and running on my first day off after 51 work hours and my top of the line rig shuts it down before the title screen.

No. I'm gonna get mine this weekend. I've been lost in ps2 emulator land for over a month and I need my AAA game itch scratched. What can I do? What's $20 off  on green man gaming that was... faintly praised by my podcast buddies?

Hmmm. What to do, what to dooooooo?

Come to think of it, wolf eye sockets are perfect for belt loops.

Oh, what in the screaming bloody F&*K Capcom?!!

I love PC gaming to tears, but there are times that all the money and effort spent trying to get the damn things to work won't pay off. Resident Evil 7 is one of those times. I've had games run badly, I've had games crash randomly, but never have I EVER played a game that wouldn't even let me see the title screen.

Thank Christ the steam refund policy is in place, I would be so much more angry if I had to wait a week or two just to be able to fiddle with the graphics options. The last game I refunded was Arkham Knight and I at least got to play the damn game first.

So I'd love to tell you how good RESI 7 is. After it's knocked down at least $30.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

What the inside of my head sounds like right now.

Roosevelt's theme from Civ VI has been echoing through my brain for weeks now. It's been oddly comforting to me so here it is, just in case one or two of ya'll out there need it too.

But lord knows I can't keep my happy face on forever and it's only a matter of time before that tune devolves into... something else.

2017's gonna be fascinating. I hope we make it.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

No one seems to want to talk about Dragon Quest 8 anymore.

Wait... f&@king what?!

I mean, it's not like the game goes out of it's way to tell you a party member is under the age of consent and gives her a "sex appeal" stat. She's a 17 year old who literally uses sex as a weapon. It's leery eye fades to the background the vast majority of the time. That being said, when DQ8 does get it's perv on it is, for lack of a better word, stunning.

One of her attacks involves her flashing monsters to... distract them. Yeah. I'm out.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

John Lewis gets his.


Most of the time I don't want to make the Crackpot political. But then most of the time the president-elect doesn't childishly put down a man who was cracked in the skull on the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Turns out Rep. John Lewis is laughing all the way to the bank. His graphic novel/memoir box set has completely sold out over night.

I wouldn't go as far to say that Trump is "illegitimate." but for this man to loose his cool like that over something like this may be the most spectacularly ironic event in American politics.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

PS2 reunion tour: GOW II is still a f@$%ing masterpiece.

Allow me to set the mood:

I remember I used to be a huge fan of God of War, until 3 just... shattered my heart* (another post for another day), but Dark Souls took up it's place and ran with it for years. I had assumed modern action games had left it in the dust and that I'd probably give up on a play through 4 hours in. This was not the case at all.

Most of my PS2 jaunts these last few weeks were all the great JRPG's** but I forget how gracefully GOWII has aged. The bloom effects are a bit too much, but other than that, I'd barely change a thing. The puzzles are great, the loot's hiding places are brilliant and 2 of the greatest boss fights of all time are in here. The fates, man. They killed me on titan mode so many times 10 years ago I almost beat them with my eyes closed just now. But I still like that fight and that is the mark of greatness. You memorize a game inside and out and you still love it.

It's been a long time since you were a critical darling, Kratos. Here's to your comeback!

*it ran out of both money and ideas a 1/3 of the way through and ended with the exact same finale as II. The fact that they're only now making a game set after 3 and it's abandoned Greek mythology entirely I think proves that they didn't like the ending either. Oh. OH! And that creepy surrogate daughter sh*t with Calliope. Where the hell did that come from?! GRUMP! 

**Seriously where are all the great JRPGs these last 2 console generations? The ps2 era was absolutely lousy with em'.


Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Durham PD thinks I could use a hug.

I'm not gonna get my cash back or anything, but you know what? This is kinda nice. I had no idea there was a "victim service unit." I'm glad my tax dollars are paying for something like this.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Ice Storm 2017

I may not be from the Midwest like Chamberlain or even Canada like Chance, but I haven't been snowed in like this for a couple years. Good thing I'm all stocked up. Sausage and pasta FOR. DAYS.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Persona 4 and the real, Real, REAL, ending.

Some games have disappointing endings. Some games have disappointing fake endings hiding the real happy ending. One game in particular has the real ending behind a happy ending, behind a shitty ending, behind a tragedy. This narrative nesting doll is Persona 4 and I'd just like to take some time to appreciate it's magnificently batsh*t storytelling choices.

Also it has the best video game end credits I've ever seen. You finally get hear the lyrics to title screen theme!

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

My Christmas Hot Sauces:

Being able to support myself is a great feeling, but I always seem to end up with nearly everything I want as far as gift giving goes. It's not like anyone can just ask for a stronger sense of self worth for Christmas... but moving right along, I have standing bounties in lieu of specific gift ideas. Any tea, coffee, or hot sauce I might like.

See the key to affording the stuff I want is to find the cheapest way to eat food I like. Places like Cost Co allow me to get decent produce and absurd amounts of pasta at a fair price. But even my favorite veggies get boring after making so many stir fries. Then there's my frozen staples which after all these years especially cry out for new and interesting hot sauces. So here we are: Crackpot Hot Sauces 2017:

Arrogant Bastard Ale: Jalapeno Heat.

Pretty good beer, too.

This is thick and dark like a BBQ sauce. It's got a sweet taste and a short burn perfect for burritos. But preferably steak burritos.   

Baby Clydesdale Sriracha

Their mascot doubles as a warning label.
This is hot sh*t in every sense. Like fireworks that change color, BC is gonna hurt you in a couple different ways. There's depth to the hurt, is what I'm saying. It's gonna make you stop and think about just how badly you need another bite of eggroll. If Tabasco is budweiser, then this is a fine sipping whisky.

Sunday, January 1, 2017