2016 didn't get you, niether did 2017.

So let's show '18 what for. Let's ring this motherf**ker in!

The Division is Lazy

Say hello to literally every other safe house captain. This guy. Every other time. He's also a couple different merchants.

So this write up will be as well. Good loot, costumes, and shooting only gets you so far. At some point you notice New York city, kinda like in real life, is pretty drab and repetitive. If it weren't for my compass I'd have no idea if I was on one side of the map or the other.

Extra Credits already went over how problematic it is that the only people you shoot are either convicts, the poor, and working class stiffs. It somehow manages to be too bland and dim to mean anything by it, though. But I find it a bit hard to accept in the event of a pandemic the entire NY fire department takes up homemade flame throwers and just starts... burning people alive. Jesus f**king Christ why?!

The 3 factions of baddies are just cosmetic. There's always an engineer, grenadier, sniper, melee'er, and grunts. Sometimes the melee guy has a shot gun but that doesn't really make a difference. It's been 26 hours for me and I'm done. I am so bored and so done. If I had paid more than the $15 I did for it this article would be several paragraphs longer and far less kind.

No I'm not going to buy your "mods" Bethesda.

 The skins on sale ARE pretty good. I'll give you that much.

...But I do like this free white pip boy. Thank you. Merry Christmas.

Hollow Knight is $10.

$9.89 American, to be exact. Look, this is my game of the year and is a steal at twice the price. You want me to beg? Because if Team Cherry closes their doors I am NOT going to be ok with it. Wails will be heard. Teeth will be gnashed.

The craziest f**king thing happened today.

So y'all have probably noticed the precipitous drop off in posts in the last month or 2. I've been busy with a new job and while that's no excuse, my current situation has given me a pretty damn decent interview story.

 I had a sit down for a new gig this afternoon and while I was waiting for that to start I felt a sneeze coming on. I'd been sick last week and felt I was out of the woods. That sneeze was apparently the last bump in the road. I look at the bottom of my fore arm ( the correct place for all good gentleman and ladies to sneeze) and see an avocado pit sized ball of snot. I don't have any tissues on me. So I decide to just grab it and make a beeline for the rest room. This is the precise moment when the manager abruptly sits down in front of me and begins.

We do the entire bloody thing while the blob squelches in my fist under the table. We finish and it went well! I shake with my left hand and I ask where the restroom is. Fate's gonna have to try a lot harder next time.

C&C GOTY Spectacular!

Thanks, Jamie Bull!

This is our last episode of the year seeing as one of us is off to a destination wedding. I think we made it count!

Best of 2017

Christmas in Verdun

I don't play Battlefield 1, but DLC like this makes me wish I did. For $3 you can play soccer, have a snowball fight, hang out at a bonfire, all from the comfort of your WWI trench. Proceeds benefit the War Child's Armistice fund.

ANNIHILATION Trailer: Color out of space meets Aliens

We've never had a mainstream big budget Lovecraft movie but this scratches that itch pretty good.

Medievil won't stay dead.

 

That's just fine with me! I'm not effing around when I say that 2006's Resurrection soundtrack was better than anything Danny Elfman composed in the past 20 years. A remake of the excellent Victorian gothic sequel would also make me quite happy.

Dark Mini Review: Der Zeitmaschine.

Dark was something I really wanted love but in the end I struggled to even like. It's everything you could want from a German language sci-fi spin on Twin Peaks. For the first 5 hours at least. Murder, affairs, a shadowy group of child kidnappers, teenage ennui, and oh SO much rain. I love me a good time travel mystery and this had me on the hook for 2 solid days.

I find rising action to be an underappreciated art and Dark really nails the first leg of the race. Start off mundane, yet interesting, then slowly get super frikkin' weird. The biggest triumph of the show is how it begins with one doomed quest to save murdered children that slowly builds to a duet, then a trio. It's hilariously nihilistic and I love it's commitment to time travel paradoxes. I mean if any of the protagonists managed to change the past... why are they still doing it?

Also if you pay attention you can catch plot twists several episodes ahead of time. I had one or two moments where I yelled "CALLED IT!" at my TV that sold exactly how much wine I'd drunk to my neighbors. I had some serious fun with Dark but I can't ignore how marvelously it flies off the rails in the home stretch.

The small town drama that was believable and restrained at first spills over into full tilt, RAIN FIGHT, melodrama. The lead cop character started off pretty dumb, pawing at corpses with his bare hands, and becomes a blithering mad prophet once it's his turn to go to the past. He literally grabs teenage girls and yells at them not unlike that Harrison Ford sketch. It's ridiculous.

I could have forgiven all that if the time travel stuff had either wrapped itself up neatly or had become interesting enough to sustain another season. Neither of those things happened and because I'd previously had my heart broken by Lost so many years ago, I saw all the signs. The primary antagonist had no major development for 80% of the season, new characters and settings were being introduced in the last 3 episodes, and there were way too many monologues about good/evil/god/the devil. That's what I like to call wheel spinning and I f%$king hate it. Either they don't know where they're going or they have to save the answers for the series finale. I'm going with the latter.

It could have been great and it pains me to say it, but I actually flicked off the last scene and unless it gets rave reviews I won't be down with season 2. I cannot stress how great this show is at reeling you in and then absolutely blowing it. Breaks my heart.

Breaks it.

C&C episode 101

2017 Category awards, and other stuff

And the award for best opening sequence of 2017 goes to...

While I don't have any solid feelings about Netflix's Dark yet (German stranger things with suicide and nudity!) I can say that these opening credits kicks all kinds of kaleidoscopic ass:

Aubrey sails again!

OhPleaseOhPleaseOhPlease....

...possibly! Russel Crowe seems to think there's a chance we'll get another go at the largely untapped vein of Patrick O'Brian novels 21 stories thick. It's one of those movies that I could watch once a week for the rest of my life. Crowe and Bettany were an amazing platonic gay married couple and I need to see more of it. Incidentally, Bettany becoming more available doesn't bode well for the Vision, does it?

Either way, your homework for this week is to watch Master and Commander again under the pretense they're secretly married. You're welcome.

For the Aubrey Maturin lovers , I do hear whispers indeed that a second voyage is perhaps potentially pre-proposed a possibility . So O’Brian affectionate’s and aficionados , let @20thcenturyfox know of your pleasure . pic.twitter.com/HqyE8y15Uu

— Russell Crowe (@russellcrowe) November 27, 2017