Arrested Development: How do you tell an old flame you've moved on?

This really happened people, a whole new season of Arrested Development! I should be bouncing off the walls, barely able to contain my excitement. And the thing is, I would have been... four years ago. I loved Arrested Development, all its perfectly intricate running gags, how it could be simultaneously subtle and absurd, and Mrs Featherbottom...oh, Mrs. Featherbottom.

 

I'm still going to tear through the whole season like nobodies business, but I should be just a little excited. But in fact, I'm more angry Liberace is punting the next Game of Thrones episode a week down the line. That's weird right? The next season of Thrones is a sure a thing as sure things get...Arrested is a damn unicorn. Why am I not excited?!

I guess I've moved on, I couldn't pine over the Bluths forever and I've found new love for Community and Parks and Rec. But I still have a soft spot and I know as soon as I boot up the first episode I'll forget all about how much I've trained my self not to care anymore.

I can't wait.

Baseless Speculation: What will the end of used games actually do?

Look you guys! Look how monochrome!

So, the Xbox One cat is out of the bag and I don't have too many strong feelings about it. Well, I do have strong feelings about them allegedly planting cheerers in the press conference audience like North Korea at the Olympics, but lets move on. I don't have a dog in this fight and I am very curious to see how this console race shakes out. Right now I'd say the PS4 is winning the PR arms race, but I think we all know the cheaper console is going to win no matter what. Because that's where the economy is and because Sony hasn't stuck its foot in its mouth...yet.

But there are more aspects to a "cheaper" console than the initial price point and that's the used game market. No one is going to buy all their games at $60. That's absurd. I think the saturation of Gamestop  proves my point. People can get their games anywhere, but they flock to Gamestop for the discounts. I'm sure Sony and Microsoft would love to live in a world where they were like the big department stores. In which their "sales discounts" were what the product was actually worth and they could sell it at an inflated price for the rest of the year. Here's the thing though, and its really one of the best things about gamers as a consumer: We're too smart for that crap and will not take it lying down.

Ergo, gamers are reading the fine print about how Xbox One games can only be installed on "one" system and if you try to play the same disk on another (even if you already own it) you'll hit a pay wall (or will you? *rolls eyes*). The community has now become noticeably upset. We hear how the Xbox Neo will  "totally" support used games, but come on, they'll tell us anything we want to hear because we haven't bought it yet.  Like all sweeping security measures, this one will be attributed to piracy eventually and I can understand that.  But I'd like to float the idea that since video games are a digital medium and can be copied an infinite number of times; there comes a point where they can become devilishly cheap and will still be able to turn a handsome profit.

Steam in a minute!

I'll admit I used to be quite the pirate for games I was on the fence for. But once I stopped worrying and began to love the Steam I realised that there were other approaches to marketing video games. In that, games I wouldn't dream of buying ended up clogging my Steam library because there was a 24 hour sale for them at $7.50.

$7.50! The cheapest game worth a damn I've ever seen at a Gamestop is $15. The idea that a game makes all its real sales within its first two weeks of release is insane.Talented studios have been closed over this antiquated barometer of success and no one ever seems to blame the marketers for forcing a release at the wrong time. But with a daily deal system where you could easily find the newest Assassins Creed for $15 six months later, you'll sell many more copies than you would have at some BS sale price of $35.50. That's the entire point of a sale, a slightly higher profit margin with a strengthened brand awareness. I know I wasn't on the AC band wagon until AC II was going for $20. Well, until Revelations anyway... god, that was boring.

Unless you REALLY liked Suleiman the First.

Yet as much as I'd like to see all that, the wind is blowing in the direction of a dead used market. It bears mentioning that used sales profits only go to the store and not to the studio or publisher. In fact, that's why all games now have DLC, because that does go straight to the content creators. In the end, I think we all love games, and will do what it takes to get our fix. I'm not ignorant of the possibility of Sony and Microsoft (Nintendo will just make more money printing handhelds) stabbing Gamestop in the back to make one more console generation possible.

So I personally don't think the end of traditional used games will change a damn thing. It was already money producers never saw and there are ways to make similar sales systems while also cutting out brick and mortar store outlets (but that's a whole 'nuther rant). The real question, one I don't have the slightest clue how to answer, is what happens to the AAA market when all legitimate outlets sell them for a fixed price. All I can say is that's a really stupid, and shortsightedly greedy, idea...that's probably going to happen eventually.

Well that's depressing, you know what?, I'm gonna make a drink and play Psychonauts!

Hey, Luther's Coming Back!

If there's one thing about UK television that drives me nuts, its the years that can exist between seasons. Sherlock I can understand, as those two leads were incredibly busy, but Luther? I don't know what happened. I remember hearing somewhere that the ratings weren't sticking and BBC was dragging their feet on renewing. But thankfully even they can't stare down Stringer.

So, come September, my favorite modern day penny dreadful comes back...'bout damn time.

The Thrilling Adventure Hour: The funniest thing you've never heard.

I've been a podcast addict going on three years now. That was way back in...2010? When the hell did that become 3 years ago?! (sigh) Anyway, it didn't take long to realize how awesome it is when virtually all my favorite comics have their own radio show. Girl on Guy, The Nerdist. WTF, hell, even Talkin' Toons really hits the spot once in a while. That's right, Yakko has his own talk show. You didn't even know you wanted that, did you?

I've been on the take ever since, filling all my driving hours (which are many) with comedian buddies cracking each other up. I listen to them as many times as I drink cups of coffee a day, so about two or three. They're pretty ingrained into my routine at this point.

Long story longer, I've been a regular at The Nerdist for a few years and always ran across their 20's radio serial satire: The Thrilling Adventure Hour. It was radioactive to me.  I've forcibly been exposed to the decomposed and painfully unfunny stylings of A Prairie Home Companion. Mere words cannot express how much I friggin' hate that show and the less said about Garrison Keillor's labored mouth breathing the better.

There's other aspects at play, mainly plays themselves. I've been dragged to many a local theater production by "friends" throughout high school and college. The tragedies I could take. Because (in my critical jerky-jerk opinion) acting sad is much easier than being funny. Say a twenty year old absolutely nails Othello. That's hard work, good on him. But maybe that praise goes to his head, maybe he thinks he can walk on water, and then maybe he butchers a Steve Martin monologue so horrifically; I wanted to bum rush him off stage and burn him at the stake to appease the comedy gods.

Huh...that got personal quick didn't it? I guess my point is that drama is universal, comedy is harder, and broad comedy is the hardest of them all. Imagine my surprise when I accidentally downloaded an episode of Beyond Belief and almost got clipped in an intersection because I was laughing so hard. Believe it...or don't (TM).

*clink*

The main takeaway here is that Paul F. Tompkins and Paget Brewster are spectacular as a married couple of ghost hunting alcoholics. Brewster in particular slays me. Her performance isn't something you can easily describe. A drunk, dim, Manhattan socialite doesn't do it any justice; in fact I'm afraid you'll just have to hear for yourself. I've been a pusher of Tompkins ever since he managed to make a routine around corn, but Brewster? Who is this comic angel and which sphere did she come from?

Because believe you me, I have heard many (and I mean too damn many) mock 20's socialite accents from friends and professional actors alike. If you told me that I would some day run across one that would make me laugh out loud I just might have slapped you across the face. Its just so overdone. I couldn't conceive of a way to make it fresh and interesting. Suffice it to say, Brewster did it.

But its not just the Paget Brewster show, there's lots of different little serials circling around each other. There's sci-fi western, Sparks Nevada, which has an pitch perfect theme song and Nathan Fillion sometimes drops in as a guy named "Cactiod Jim" (after a sub-orbital species of cactus) its fun! Then another about a time traveling Amelia Earhart who fights a Joseph Gordon Levitt Nazi. You know you want it. 

But the writing is pretty sharp too and I have professional writers Ben Acker and Blacker to thank. So to The Thrilling Adventure Hour, I apologize.  I read a book by its cover and I'm sorry. I can tell you I'll personally never miss another...

 Fan art!

Crackpot Theory: Tony Stark is a Self Pitying Masochist.

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT THE CLIMAX OF IRON MAN 3 SPOILED FOR YOU.








YES...YOU.



So the motif of Iron Man 3 was the search for who Tony was without the suit. The vast majority of the film had Tony trying to rebuild his breakaway rocket armor inside a (again, strangely unaccented) child's garage. It showed he was resourceful, that he had a sense of responsibility, that he was essentially an 8 year old man, and that under all that steel and Paul Bettany he was still one hell of a guy.

Oh...but apparently all that soul searching was entirely pointless. After a heated conversation with a friend (who absolutely despised 3) over the film's faults, I had to tip my hat to her after she found a doozey of a plot hole. The end of the film shows he could have backpedaled out of all that nonsense and had any of his small army of extra suits fly over and pull his ass out of Tennessee.

The "House Party" shreds nearly all the character building of two whole acts. Maybe it could have worked if Rhodey was given an uplink (or something, I don't know) to Tony's toy chest from the military and he didn't know the password. That certainly would have given him more of a point as a character. But as it is, Iron Man 3 is a film about a man who puts his loved ones and his country in serious danger just so he can have something to more to say to his jolly green therapist.

Still, I loved the hell out of it, but that really bugs me though...Wait, I know what'll cheer me up!

 

WEEEEEE!!!

Nolan North was in the New Star Trek...Apparently!

How did I miss this? How did I miss north? I'm a guy who keeps close tabs on his favorite character actors, because in this day and age, really talented actors seem to finally be getting a break. I mean, do you see Kristen Wiig as a lead in an 80's comedy that's not...no especially Pretty in Pink? Exactly.

For those who are muttering "who the hell is this guy?" I'll tell you. Nolan North is this guy:

Imagine Indiana Jones was Nathan Filllion...sounds great doesn't it?

And this guy:

And this guy:

And this guy here:

Pretend I meticulously orchestrated the contrasting finger pointing.

Raise your hand if you just figured out why you've never heard of him, yep, these are all roles in video games. But he never actually spoke in Into Darkness, or at least, I never heard him. I would have pegged him immediately then, but I'm sure there were reasons, maybe it got cut for time or something. I don't know and honestly? I don't care. JJ Abrams did not have to do this, and by North's account, he just really wanted too.  

So what's this? the man with the keys to the new Star Wars properties has respect for the video game world's best and brightest? Maybe he'll be giving Chris Avellone a call next, I can dig it. I mean people aren't saying he's the greatest writer in video game history...but I'm saying those people are wrong. (if my first article didn't give that away)

Vote Knope!: A Beginner's Guide to Parks and Rec.

I'll start this primer by answering the first question I'm always asked by anyone who hasn't seen Parks and Rec. So it's just like The Office right? No! No! A thousand times, no. While I was on board The Office for the first couple of years, I confess I bailed pretty early. Years before Michael Scott left, years before the writing fell to pieces, and years before Jim and Pam became... that couple.

Something about it just rubbed me the wrong way, it was impossible to put my finger on. I still thought it was funny, I thought the characters were interesting people I'd hadn't seen given justice on TV before (I've known about 4 different Merediths), and the pranks were so good I cursed the gods for not thinking of them myself. I liked The Office, but I couldn't make myself love it.  

Around the same time I had heard Parks and Rec was gaining steam, this would be about halfway through season 2. I wanted to believe the modest hype, being a long time fan of Amy Poehler, so I looked up the pilot...and was thoroughly unimpressed. It was the same feeling The Office gave me, only this time Scott was a blonde woman in the government, what were the critics making a fuss over?

So I skipped ahead on Hulu and watched the last one they had up... then the clouds broke and I saw the light. It was the Halloween episode focusing on the infamous middle school vandal:

 

PIKITIS!

It was fantastic, it was a completely different show with the exact same cast. Every character in it had something to do and manged to be hilarious doing it. I had enjoyed myself more over those 20 minutes than the first two years of The Office, but why? I now had no choice but to throw myself into my studies to properly achieve a master's degree in sociology to understand how a person cou- I spent the weekend blowing off homework and devouring the series. 

I figured it out. The Office was a show you laugh at, Parks is a show you laugh with. Parks never had the "hey, look at the freaks!" vibe I could get from The Office sometimes and "The Big Bang Theory" always. It was like a revelation. It didn't have to mine laughs from the cast's collective misery. After 6 episodes the writers decided to change Poehler's Leslie Knope from a pitiful lunatic to an admirable one. Thus, they purged nearly all cynicism from the show proving that great comedy can effectively (and consistently) come from the heart.

So here we go, These are what I believe to be the best points of entry to Pawnee Indiana:


Greg Pikitis-S2: EP, 7

You never forget your first time (as much as I tried, zing!) and Pikitis still holds a very special place in my TV heart. I cannot recommend a better first episode. Its funny, its fast paced, its Louis C. K.'ied, and there's a twist ending! But seriously folks, please watch the second season front to back, but if you really must insist on browsing...


Ron and Tammy-S2: EP, 8

The one right after it is just as great, if not greater. Setting up the library as Pawnee's root of all evil, as well as pitting the real life married couple of Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally
against each other, made that season's mission statement loud and clear. The statement was "We are going to try to make this the funniest damn show that's ever existed." three years later I say they succeeded.


94 Meetings-S2: EP, 21

This isn't one of the best episodes, but it does show its greatest strength. I'm not a fan of the A story here, what with Leslie trying to save a historic Gazebo that takes a majority of the running time. The B side, with the office trying to run through almost a hundred meetings with Pawnee's local wackjobs in one day, is more than worth it. Even if there are aspects of a P&R episode you don't like, it will assuredly bungee towards something you will love if you give it five minutes.

The Master Plan-Freddie Spaghetti S2: Finale

They say the reason M*A*S*H lasted as long at it did was that whenever it rotated cast members, it always traded up. We may have lost Brendanawicz in the end of season two, but in his place rose Ben Wyatt and Chris Traeger who are (literaly?) the best pinch hitters since the 4077. Each bringing a new, or refining an old, dynamic on what was already a well balanced show. With their addition to the cast, P&R was ready to move beyond the "cult hit" world and confidently stride on their way to greatness! (pictured below)

Flu Season-S2: EP, 3

This is it. This is my favorite. I know you're not supposed to do that, they say it gives the others personality issues. But if you put a gun to my head demanding my favorite episode, Flu season is it. P&R already existed in a heightened reality, but now half the cast had a creative excuse to act even weirder. Their opportunity is not wasted and what follows is simply glorious. If flu season dosen't make you a believer, than I'm afraid to say, nothing will. But please, give it at least a couple episodes. Once it's got you in its friendly, vice-like, bear hug, it will never let you go.

...and you'll never want it to. VOTE KNOPE!