Orange is the New Black Review.

They say entertainment is still a boy's club. I say they're right, with Oxygen and Lifetime being  intellectually and artistically insulting failures. Netflix's OTNB tries to turn that tide and in this white male's opinion (in case that's not obvious) it succeeds magnificently. You may have heard of Jenji Kohan from her work running Weeds. I liked Weeds, sure the plot got away from them once they moved out of Agrestic, but I think we're all bored of that fact by now.

The question is, is OITNB a step forward, or a leap? It's a leap guys, the hype is real, and this is literally the best new dramedy I've seen years. Years people. I can't count the ways a show like this could have stumbled. It could have been preachy, it could have been racist, it could have been too depressing, it could have been ridiculous. It... actually might be racist, (again, white male here) but she hasn't actually watched the show and in my opinion it doesn't push an agenda hardly at all. The show is prison, it dosn't push any idea or opinion on the viewer. It shows what it is and how people deal with it, you can choose to commiserate with them or not. It's your call. Even the protagonist's role as a "good guy" is up in the air by the end of it. But I suppose you want to know what all goes on in there?

I guess lunchrooms are emotionally traumatic everywhere... not just space camp.

So the deal is Piper Chapman played by Taylor Shilling was a bored, privileged, wasp who had a lesbian fling with a heroin trafficker. Years later her ring gets busted and Piper gets dragged down with her, right as her male fiancee (Jason Biggs) proposed. True love can weather any storm, right? He knew all about her criminal and bi-sexual past, right? It's only 15 months... right?  While the love triangle that forms is pretty damn good, the show slowly evolves into a spectacular ensemble so addicting and separate from Chapman, I sometimes had to go "Oh... right, she's still in this, she's the lead."   

You got Kate Mulgrew as a temperamental Russian Chef who runs both the kitchen and the local smuggling operations; Laverne Cox as the most 3 dimensional trans gender character I've ever seen, Taryn Manning as a black toothed, hypocritical, evangelist, murderer, and Uzu Aduba as "Crazy Eyes." Oh my god, crazy eyes. She's the break out star here, though her arc ends pretty early on, her comic relief through the rest of the season are all highlights. 

Trust me, those eyes get so much crazier.

It's important to know that this isn't Weeds. This isn't a straight up comedy, though it is pretty damn funny. It's also as grim and depressing as a show about prison would need to be. I didn't want to binge watch every one of them, as there was only so much of Warden Healy I could take. But again, it never felt like I was being preached too, but it wasn't like a documentary. It felt like scripted honesty, if that makes sense. That while there was some artistic license, the truth was really important to the writers.

But I don't want to give you the impression it's the end-all greatest show out there right now, it's defiantly got issues. Character decisions stop making a lot of sense near the end, inmates start to seem more "buddy-buddy" than they realistically would, and a few characters become CAR-toonishly evil just for the sake of drama. But it doesn't derail anything. If I'm being honest, I only really noticed it in retrospect and good, god, damn, the season cliffhanger is a nutpuncher. Thankfully the second season is already bought and paid for so... 'phew.

Orange is the New Black is both edgy and honest without seeming desperate or smug. That's amazing, and you should give it at least three episodes before bailing on it. I know it's not for everyone, but I think everyone should at least give it a chance.

There's goddamned ants coming out of my goddamned walls.

I don't have time to deal with this right now. Gross, I don't even have any food in this room. Start playing by the rules you... you ANTS!

Chinese Military Claims Pacific Rim is "American Propaganda."

Crimson Typhoon by Ali3n.

So it turns out Pac Rim did much better in China then it did over here. Great, it's a good movie and Del Toro can never have enough box office love as far as I'm concerned. But apparently The PLA Daily (the Chinese Stars and Stripes) claims that all Hollywood movies are a bald faced plot against the people's republic, specifically Del Toro's latest and greatest.

To be fair; this isn't a main stream publication, also it's worth noting that while Chinese characters in PAC Rim do get a really cool robot, they barely have any screen time at all. Military news is spin for the rest of the world's armed forces too, so keep that in mind before lighting your human rights torches.

 That being said, it is interesting to see their military react to American mainstream culture being wildly accepted by theirs. Would the Stars and Stripes run an article like this if a Chinese movie was #1 at our box office? I'd like to think not. As depressing as the presence of Rupert Murdoch is in our media, I'd take 20 of him over the state of the Chinese press. In much the same way thieves think everyone steals, I think China believes the rest of the world is waging a hearts and minds campaign against their actual propaganda machine.

Maybe... or maybe I'm full of it. You should all see Pacific Rim, though. 

The World's End Review: A Toast to a Life Half Lived.

Before I get all critical, I'd like to plop this clip from the end of The Wire on your face. If you always meant to get around to it, then skip on down, it's easily the best monologue the show ever had. But for the curious, this is essentially what The World's End is all about:

Sh*t just got real up in this action comedy review.

The work of Edgar Wright holds a very special place in my movie lover's heart. I've seen the best of the best. Citizen Kane, The Man who would be King, Schindler's List, classics new and old. But my favorite movie, the one I've watched more than twice as many times as any other, is Hot Fuzz. I love it to pieces. It's so funny, so well constructed, acted, and executed. To me, it's the perfect movie. Come at me film critics, and to a lesser extent Shaun of the dead fans (still great, but not as great), I will defend the Fuzz to the bitter, bloody end.

Did the World's End live up to it? I don't see why that's necessary. I can critique it without holding it to my single highest standard for film making. But if, hypothetically, I did view it as a contender to my all time favorite film, did it live up to it? Yes. Yes it f**king did.

No one from this day forth will be able to doubt the acting chops of either Pegg or Frost. They are no longer just talented comedians because they both turn in spectacular performances that would be praise worthy even if they weren't a complete 180 from past roles. Pegg in particular stuns as Gary King, a developmentally arrested 40 year old who sees a failed attempt at an all night pub crawl as the high point of his entire life. In an attempt to recapture that feeling literally decades too late, he corrals his old pals together for one more shot at the infamous "Golden Mile." Gary's an addict. Not a nice guy who just needs someone to believe in him (or hollywood) addict, but a conniving and unbearable lost cause.

STOP! ...in the name of loooooooove.

The simple fact the film doesn't collapse under the weight of such a downer of  a lead character, comedy or not, is a major miracle. Pegg owns every aspect of Gary, he's simultaneously pathetic and magnetic. You roll with his bull, just like his friends do, because you just can't look away. Frost finally gets to be the straight man and shows a much more dramatic side than I ever thought I'd see from him. He used to be Gary's best friend but (dot dot dot, ellipses) I'm not gonna spoil it for you here. It's a damn good bombshell.  

But what of the sci-fi action half of the movie? This is a Wright joint, isn't it? That should answer your question. It raises a worthy philosophical conundrum that could work divorced from Gary's story, but manages to mix together to make both greater than the sum of thier parts. Again, it's a Wright move, of course that's what happened.

The usual meticulous details abound, the pubs all foreshadow plot points and blink and you'll miss the green cornetto. There's some great cameos from the other films as well as another James Bond.   Suffice it to say, you're gonna want to see it more than once. Oh, and see if you can guess Bill Nighy's role.

I'm at a loss of what else to say, it's a great movie from a great trilogy, there's really nothing else to discuss. Maybe you've heard the ending is weird or uncomfortable. Yeah, I guess it is, but it's still ballsy and I respect the hell out of it. Just go in with an open mind and don't expect the lighter endings of Shaun and Fuzz.

But uh... I've already said too much.

The Bureau Review: A Critical Conspiracy.

 "You are not the first civilization to resist us... you will not be the last to thank us."

I'm sure you've all seen the reviews of The Bureau and by now I'm sure you think you have a good idea about the game's shortcomings. For the most part, they're right. This thing has been stewing in the crock pot for nearly four years and what's on the market should have been more polished and professional than what I just played.

It was branded with the name "XCOM." A brand many well reasoned critics believe houses the greatest video game, period. After Enemy Unknown barnstormed metacritic last year, expectations were high to say the least. The Bureau does not reach those expectations. You can't research equipment or build facilities. The permadeath system is as easy to exploit as simply reloading a checkpoint. The frame rate on the PC is... less than ideal. If these details are deal breakers, then I can't help you.

But if not, then please, hear me out. I rarely take exception to other critic's reviews, reviews being subjective and all. But Dan Stapleton's and Jim Sterling's take on TB (which is an awful abbreviation) don't seem as critical to me as they are willfully dismissive of what this game does accomplish.

"Sir! Could you please stop making "pew pew" sounds with your fingers and fire your weapon... sir."

The combat. the combat is wonderful. It's so good it made me rethink my opinion on another tactical shooter. I'm talking Mass Effect, a game I've played over and over to bits. You see, I don't just play one. To me, 2 and 3 were expansion packs. I love those games, but TB noticed some slack in it's fighting style and fixed it. The ME squad mates really didn't matter much. They would help out sometimes, but their cool down rates were never fast enough to rely upon and I only used them to mop up my own missed headshot screw ups. They were well written bangles I'd only switch out for a change of banter. TB is different. You. Need. These. Guys.

The first couple missions you don't have much to work with, but once you and your motley crew get a couple of powers to bounce off each other, things get much more interesting. There's a great balance across all four classes and lots of different ways to level em' up. Do you want your engineer to have a rapid fire laser cannon for suppression, or slower plasma rockets for damage? Do you want a soldier with a plasma bomb, or a soldier that can buff anyone with a couple bars of shielding?

After tooling around with every class (soldier, sniper, support, engineer) None of them are weak links and they all play off each other brilliantly. For example: my support weakens a muton's armor, buffs my sniper, and said sniper calls down an artillery strike on the poor f**k. Dead muton. The cool down times are also very well adjusted for the sweet spot that keeps you from spamming anything, but they always seem to reload when you need it most. I had a blast with nearly every tactic and squad load out I tried and that has never happened before with any game I've played.

"For the last time, I'm not John Slattery."

But what about the setting? The story? The dialogue? Well... it ain't Mass Effect, that's for sure. The facial animation is all right, and the script as well as the acting are above average at worst. Again, this is far from the likes of Bioware, but better than Skyrim if that makes sense. It's the Bureau's sense of time and place that validates it's candidacy in my library as a hidden gem instead of a nice try. The early 60's America perverted by a modern take on Sci-Fi architecture is fully realized and haunting. I am a man who enjoys his fedoras, I can't pull them off personally, but I love anything that can put them somewhere that makes them feel heroic instead of hipsterish.

Do you want to give a martian a face full of buckshot while wearing a dope suit and tie? I did, it felt great. But extra kudos must be given for the last mission I had that suit. I had to take on a drop ship, and the sucker blew my hat off. But it was ok, a button prompt let me pick it back up. I was regulated to a cable knit sweater for the rest of the game... that was pretty disappointing, but you can paint it (and all your squad's clothes) any color you want. Oh, and the randomly generated squaddie names are rockwellianly delightful.

So I get a lot of people were disappointed you couldn't research and build new equipment. I agree, how hard would a currency system of any kind be to put in a four year old game? To most it seemed to render the massive XCOM base pointless. An "appropriate metaphor" for TB's unfulfilled ambitions. It's certainly not as engaging as EU's custom built command center, but neither is it a lifeless barbie dream house. Between missions you can wander around and listen to manic scientists, terrified soldiers, indifferent engineers, and paranoid tac comms banter with the best of them. There are some great little conversations if you're willing to give em' a listen. There's also a handful of side quests in the base, that in turn, unlock dispatch missions. Those help level up your off duty squaddies and earn new backpack mods. EU just made em' sit in the barracks twiddling their thumbs, for the record.  

Dope. Ass. Jumpsuit and tie.

But the pièce de résistance is the finale. Just when you think they're gonna wrap it up with a BS cliffhanger, the plot twists down a winding 2 hour road leading a fitting conclusion. The last fire fight in particular broke me over it's knee 3 or 4 times... in a good way. It wasn't just a clown car scenario, it was five smartly structured waves of all the toughest enemies that demanded every trick in my bag. I was happy with what I'd seen before that room, but now I'm seriously head over heels.

It's true I wanted to like this game going in, maybe that colored my expectations too much. But I've tried to like games this much before, I try to like all games I wind up playing. But I wasn't this happy with Dead Space 3 (very good, wore out it's welcome) or Tomb Raider (really liked it once... couldn't beat it again for some reason) or even Guacamelee (way, way, way too short). In fact, my working title was going to be "The Bureau Review: I want to Believe." But no, The Bureau was just too damn fun for it to simply be a guilty pleasure. I think the critical reception was uniformly unfair, I'm not sure why. I'm not saying anyone's opinion is "wrong" there are no such things. But I hope TB finds it's audience, it certainly found me.

So many things... so little time

A slightly different red scare.

I'm watching Orange is the New Black, I'm playing The Bureau, I finished Gone Home, and Breaking Bad continues to reach my wildest expectations. So much to love, so little time to write. I love writing this blog, even if no one even reads it, but I'm looking for work so applications take precedence over reviews.

But for the record, I love the Bureau. It's wonky and it was clearly rushed out the door, but the period detail and old fashioned sci-fi flair is wonderful. I'm thinking the critics who are most against it are rightfully sick and tired of sub-par knock offs of the xcom franchise. But my take is they're being much too hard on what is to me, a balanced and invigorating tactical shooter. I'd actually take it over mass effect's combat, but more on that later...

Damn, I just stepped in it huh?

The Last Guardian is still in "development." I'm still not buying it.

This picture is 6 years old.

"It's under earnest development" swears Futimo Ueda. That's odd... I mean, why ever, ever, bring this up again until you have some marketing material? A trailer, a demo, anything? There are a few things in the gaming world I'm glad I'm not a fan of. I mean, I liked Half Life 2 and loved Colossus, but I thank god I never actually looked forward to successors to either.

Sony won't let this one off the hook just yet, and that's something. Not much, but not nothing.