Bob's Burgers is moving...

...but it's not their fault.

I have gazed upon the stick of truth...

Meet Clyde "New Kid-Douchebag" Parrish.

... and I saw that it was good. More than good. Take a big sigh of relief guys, the year of re-tooling was totally worth it. Polygon gave it an 8.5, IGN a 90. They're saying it only lasts about 10-12 hours, which bums me out. But it's really hard to be mad at a game that lets me be Facebook friends with Officer Barbrady. I mean... when was the last time he was even on the show? It feels like years.

I'm barely an hour into it and already I've seen some pretty deep cuts from the South Park bag of inside jokes. I don't want to spoil anything, but let's just say that no other game in history has had this much fun with their sellable junk and Cartman's mom's room is just... perfect.

The combat itself is based off the Super Mario RPG style of rhythm based attacking and blocking, which I love. Both in the case of superstar saga and the stick of truth. It's surprisingly deep and I've already died once so far on Normal. That never happened to me in superstar, but then again, I don't think Nintendo would be on board with a protagonist everyone defautly calls "douchebag."So you know, you're not in Kansas anymore. You in Colorado, bitches!

So if you really wanted an interactive South Park, you probably already bought it. If you were on the fence? Get it. Just... get it. You get to hear what Cartman thinks of you if your black player character chooses the warrior class. That was worth money to me at least.

Why yes, this is the inside of Tom's Rhinoplasty. And no, I didn't know Stan's mom worked there either.

Dark Souls 2's PC release pokes through the clouds.

Update! April 25 is confirmed.

April 25. A good 6 weeks removed from the console date. Can't say I'm too thrilled about that, but maybe I should just be happy it's coming here at all. And they still beat the Amazon's place holder date by a month and then some.

But what's this? Namco still won't officially confirm this is the date!? I'm all for being thorough after the embarrassment of the last port. But I want a straight answer yesterday, whether it's what I want to hear or not. I won't wait forever for a version of Dark Souls 2 running at a silky smooth 60 frames... but I will wait a month or two.

Hannibal Season 2 is Nigh. So... very, VERY, nigh!!!

It's tonight at 10, eastern. I should be off work by then. I will MAKE myself off work by then, consarnit!

Bill Watterson's First Original Cartoon in over 19 Years.

See that? Gives me chills. I don't feel like I have to explain just how a big a deal this is for C&H fans and cartoon lovers alike. Watterson quit while he was ahead nearly two decades ago and never looked back. So not only did a documentary about the end of newspaper comics snag an interview, but he liked it so much he drew the damn poster!

It bears mentioning that the kickstarted film Dear Mr. Watterson, which did little else except talk about how great he is... which he is, couldn't even get a proverbial autograph. So this is a big deal even for the documentary crowd. It's own list of credits can't seem to believe it. But I do! I'm gonna camp out near my local indie theater with bells on... what's that? You're only screening in Southern California?

Well would you look at that? Bill Watterson found a way to break my heart a second time. But this time by proxy.

So Thief isn't... AMAZING, but I like it well enough.

So you've probably heard the Thief reboot is pretty mediocre, and it is. The mission design is narrow, it's attempt at an open world is more tedious than engrossing, and the fact there are only 8 main story heists feels pretty light. But I like it. The acting is solid, the animation fluid and professional, and grabbing all those shiny, shiny, letter openers doesn't get old. At least not yet. Hitman Absolution had turned me off twice as much as Thief has in 4 hours. I don't know why, but there it is. I'm pretty confidant I'm gonna finish it and possibly tool around with some custom difficulty options. Which, considering the lack of free time I have these days, is an endorsement in of itself.   

Is the Thief reboot really that bad?

Because the word on the street is that all it will steal is your money... not your heart, sadly.

I've had my eye on this little number for some time. I've been dying for a pseudo "next-gen" game to give my shiny new evga 780 a workout. AC IV was not that game. The frame rates were all over the damn place. Constantly fluctuating and frequently cut in half. It didn't help that the game itself was a plodding, grindy, affair with just enough flashes of inspiration to make me believe it could have been the best Creed yet. It takes a supernaturally powerful kind of boredom to make me uninstall a 20 gig game before I even finished it. But I swear if I heard Derby Ram one more time, I was going to vomit.

...and I really liked that song too.

So I looked to EIDOS to give me what I wanted. Thief looked to be exactly that. Lord knows I loved Dishonored, and played the ever loving crap out of it. But it didn't take long for a snooty PC gamer like me to take in it's graphical bouquet like an asshole party guest that scoffs at your taste in wine a little too loudly. Dishonored began to look worse and worse. It was clearly made on a budget and for the xbox from the ground up. In other words, a game from 2009 that found it's way into 2012, an eternity in game years. I realized I didn't like Dishonored half as much as I wanted Dishonored 2. Sooner rather than later. Thief would hopefully scratch that itch.

But the sky's gone dark on the critical front. Mostly 7's and 6's on the consoles (a death-knell essentially) but the PC is fairing a little better. A smooth 60 fps can do wonders for the critical eye, but even then, the nay's far out number the halfhearted aye's.

I've per-ordered the sucker anyway. The fact Lords of Shadow 2 doesn't have any published reviews yet, reinforces those nasty rumors I talked about earlier. And there hasn't been a substantial AAA release in months. I'll take Thief's port in this particular storm... and it's not as if I haven't gone on to genuinely love critical punching bags before.