I now know the exact size of my steaming pile of shame.

Behold.

Never gonna happen... plus, how do you "finish" something like FTL or Civilization anyway? Also, everyone should do this. Just go to your profile page and copy all those numbers in that address. Watch Firefly 103 times?! It says that like I haven't already done that...

The Interview Review: Tempest in a Tabloid.

Is the Interview worthy of it's controversy? No. But is that something that can ever be justifiably held against their creators? Even making believe they were assassinating a real world leader, Rogan and Co. couldn't have possibly imagined an international incident on this scale. Topped off with Obama saying to Rogan's bosses "Come on, guys... you're making your country look bad." Probably. He probably said that.

All that aside; and I concede that's a ton of stuff to throw aside, but all the same... it's a fun movie. After being dragged to "This is the End" and having a ball in spite of myself, I've grown to appreciate what these guys can do. And if James Franco wants to be a goofy, self centered, man-child in the face of one of the most brutal dictators on earth I am all. Goddamn. Ears.

Rogan and Franco feel like they're playing characters from different movies. That Rogan's producer wants to be in a satire shooting for the brass ring of Dr. Strangelove and Franco's Entertainment Tonight host wants to do Team America. Actually... that's perfect for both their character arcs. You know what? I started that as a criticism, but I think I just peeled back a level of meta! Damn.

But seriously, If you can get over the fact Franco is a cartoon (a funny cartoon to be fair) than you will get much more out of this. But even if you hate every second both these guys are on screen, Randall Park is a sight to behold. He turns in a performance that could work in a straight drama, if you tweaked the dialogue a bit. He's never a straw man and he's never too sympathetic. His love of Katie Perry and Margaritas are adorable, his murderous rage, believable. I won't go as far to say he gave a performance the film doesn't deserve (it's a better movie than that) but it's a very pleasant shock. Oh, sh*t! I almost forgot about Diana Bang.

I know, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

She's just so perfect as the disillusioned master of propaganda. Is she also the de-facto love interest miles out of Rogan's league? Yeah. But they at least address it this time and she filled in all her character's blanks like a pro. Like Park, she did a ton of extra credit most critics didn't even bother noticing. Like, just her posture and walking style sold a lifetime of indoctrination. And when she breaks ranks she starts talking slower and quieter (like she's bugged) for the rest of the movie, no matter what! She's tremendous.

Expectations are a dangerous thing. Once in a blue moon they're met. Toy Story 3 comes to mind. Sometimes they're exceeded, I think I've seen The Avengers 5 times now. This is not some grand comic think piece about the plight of the North Koreans. But it still does those issues enough service to make those not in the know, more aware. This a fun, funny, little movie that gets better as it goes along. 

Jenny Lane? Take it away.

Bob knocked it out of the park today.

I'm a fan of "movie" Bob Chipman, I haven't missed a video of his in almost 2 years. His blog's in the margin there, too. In the wake of the French cartoonist attacks; which is now also the French kosher grocery attacks... haven't heard much about that,  there's a lot of nuance that get's trampled in the rah' rah' rahs' for free speech.

Like how maybe some of Charlie Hebdo cartoons were xenophobic or borderline racist. I'll let Bob take it away. This is damn good journalism.

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Je Suis Charlie

Jungle's: Platoon.

I've seen Selma and The Interview and my reviews are incoming... but I still love jungle so much I gotta post some of their tunes:

Damn, this kid...

The Internet feels alot safer today.

Mr. Wheeler... you have the floor.

FCC chairman Tom Wheeler has come out in support of net neutrality. And I quote:

 “We’re going to propose rules that say that no blocking, no throttling, [no] paid prioritization, all that list of issues, and that there is a yardstick against which behavior should be measured”

This is some seriously heartening stuff. Things looked pretty grim for a while with companies like Verizon making threats to the tune of "It'd be  a shame if our high speed connection installations stopped before you voted on NN... wouldn't it?" Seeing the head of the FCC come out in support of the three pillars of NN is a great thing, sure nothing's been signed into law yet, but language this strong cannot be an empty gesture.

At least I hope not.

Dungeon of the Endless Review: Doors within Doors.

Everyone makes a fuss when steam greenlight drops a deuce. But little attention is paid when a title goes off without a hitch. DOE is one of the best turn based-procedurally generated-tower defense-dungeon crawlers ever made... and nobody seems to be talking about it.

That description is a little wordy, but it's not that complicated. You play as a small squad of interplanetary prisoners who crash landed into a massive ancient cave during a routine transfer. It's made up of interlocking corridors and opening a door starts a turn. You may find treasure or new squad mates, but mostly you'll find waves and waves of monsters. You can stop them from spawning by turning on the lights, you can set up automated defenses then too, but that takes energy. You don't have a whole lot of that. You need dust to keep the lights on, food to level up, industry to create defenses and so on.

I haven't even brought up science yet, but I've already dumped too much info on you. If you love roguelikes (right, it's also one of those) than this'll be your favorite new dominatrix. Because "flawless" strategies can fall apart in seconds, taking your most beloved squad member with it. This is a game of involved planning in the face of a great, dark, unknown. It's my most pleasant discovery all year and it's charming attention to character is just frosting on a cavernous cake.

Delightful.

There's a roster of 18 heros. Some are smart and handy with a pistol, others quick on their feet and with a sword, and others are lumbering tanks with massive rifles. All are decent characters. In fact, certain formations will net you some back story while you elevate to the next floor. I was often disappointed when I got the odd squad that would only spout canned expressions. Until I found the formation that caused my two stars to fight to the death... I didn't make it out of the next floor alive.

This game is full of surprises like that, there's literally a scrapbook of secrets and enemy clues in the main menu cobbled together from your soaring victories and crushing defeats, alike. Died a floor from the surface? Well you managed to unlock some awesome chick in a flame retardant suit. So that's cool too. Spreading yourself too thin in a level will almost often spell death. But you may run into game changing weapons, or build a massive stockpile of industry and food. This a game that lives and dies on it's risk/reward ratio and I've found it finely tuned.

It's also endlessly replayable... maybe the title gave that away, but it is. You can unlock new starting conditions (escape pods) that drastically change the way the game's played. The armory pod starts with 4 overpowered heroes but you can't make offensive turrets the whole game! The infirmary changes all power ups into risk/reward drugs and gets rid of auto healing at the end of turns! All your strategies for the vanilla game fly out the window with each pod, I haven't even began to wrap my head around most of them.

There's really not much else to say, it's quite the little gem. Like a lost masterpiece from the PS1 era that happens to have lighting effects. I think you want it. I think you want it right now.

I'd call my new Keurig a wasteful piece of decandence... if it didn't make a perfect cup of coffee in under 5 minutes.

Curse your black coffee magic.

I love it... but I hate it.  I have that dealy that lets you put bulk ground coffee through the thing... but that in itself is now too much of a thing. Damn you Keurig, damn what you've done to my patience for not-too-hot-...damn-that's-perfect caffeinated beverages!