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Tuesday, October 3, 2017

As the world map turns.

That hoodie must be really top heavy.

I had planned on writing the War of the Chosen review 3 days a go. Just as soooooon as I finished a run on normal. It's not that I don't care about you, Crackpot it's just that WOC understands my needs more. It gets me. I need more time to figure things out. I love you Crackpot... don't be weird about this.


Saturday, September 30, 2017

The craziest thing about Netflix's Big Mouth.

The ghosts of Duke Ellington, Freddy Mercury, and Socrates, respectively.

I was really looking forward to Big Mouth and... it's... good. It's good! It pushes the boundaries of what Netflix can show and does amazing things with it. There are multiple, I'll say it, highbrow sketches based around nudity and sexuality. One where Kristen Wiig plays the female lead's hyper positive vagina had me on the floor.

What's less great are it's half assed musical numbers whose joke hardly ever evolve beyond "It's a song about tampons!" One in which John Mulanney's character thinks he might be gay is musically pretty strong, but it's just built around easy rhymes for gay. It's saved beacause it's a solid Queen imitation and the guy playing the ghost of Freddie Mercury is SCARY good. I assumed it was Broadway's Andrew Rannells (who's characters use as a one note joke machine instead of, you know, a character) deserves it's own post.

But no. It's Jordan Peele. He's been sitting on the best Mercury impression I've ever heard. I bet you money he's been hustling karaoke night with Someone to Love for years. That's something you can hustle, right? My point is Peele may be one of the most interesting people who's ever lived.


Friday, September 29, 2017

The most glorious Xcom operation name in the whole darned world


One of the little things that makes Xcom so special is how surprisingly good it's randomly generated operation names are.

Wind Tongue, Hammer Slap, Witch Queen, God Walker, Storm Wheel, and Hellborn Sleep being gems I've found in just my last play through. But this time... this time I've found something truly special. It's like a randomly generated time release bomb. The first word makes sense, the second doesn't, but together they make magic:

...well I thought it was funny.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

In 2 to 3 weeks!

I just know this picture is going to be used against me one day... but how?

...3 months and 4 phone calls later I finally got my refund for being double billed by Spectrum. I'm not even mad anymore I'm just super happy I got my money back. Plus the fact I'm no longer being charged $10 rent for my modem every month is pretty sweet. It's nice when the only half decent internet company in NC needs good will. I brace for the day they start burning it.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Channel Zero Season 2 Review: Muuuuuuuuch better.


Horror is a hard genre to love. It is so difficult to get right and what little that glitters is drowned in a sea of half-assed embarrassments. I gave the first season of SCY FY's Channel Zero a try and I stuck with it for what seemed like an eternity. Some shows can make 13 episodes vanish in a couple hours, Channel Zero made 4 feel like a prison sentence. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that season did that wasn't profoundly outdone by the IT mini series. And that hasn't aged well AT. ALL. Tim Curry aside, of course.

But there's the thing, that show was anchored by Curry as a driving force, Channel Zero had a tooth monster that nibbled the hero's fingers when he slept. It was dull, aimless, choking on awful dialogue  and trying to force performances out of child actors I wouldn't ask Gary Oldman to tackle.

But now we have season 2. A fresh start, a better cast, and what I assume is a bigger budget. If you can give John Carrol Lynch a good character to chew on I am there. After watching the first episode and letting it rattle around in my head for a few days... yeah! It's trying much harder this year. Maybe not B+ material, but I definitely have a "most improved show" ribbon for it.

We have 2 female leads, which is pretty refreshing. One is coming home to the burbs after a semester of college while the other took a gap year after her dad died from a freak allergic reaction. Sure, they mine guilt for her out of it, but I love how boring the most dramatic thing that's ever happened to her is. That's not a knock, suburban horror must find a way to weaponize boredom and they've pulled it off here.

It's not all rosey, there are still dialogue problems (people pointing out painfully obvious things, characters clumsily spouting exposition about themselves, etc.) and the opening scene involving a panicked woman trying to escape a never ending housing development is a smidge too "community theater" for me. But this is a haunted house story and this haunted house is f**king awesome.

It's actually more an art installation/escape room and I loved it. It was the best kind of world building. Unsettling, but poetic enough so it sends a message. Not everything works, of course. There's this one dude who has to creepy laugh all the time. He's terrible. But the rest of the rooms balance it out. That's the word for this show. Balanced. 

There's nothing it did wrong that's bad enough to keep me from finishing it like last year. I like the actors, I like where it's going, it knows most of David Lynch's best tricks, and I can't wait to see JCL be a scary motherf**ker eventually. Because there's no way he won't.



Saturday, September 23, 2017

XCOM has turned me into an amateur propagandist

So happy togethuuuuuuuur...


I've finally got my hands on war of the chosen, I like what I see so far, even if all it is are a few new mission types and a bevy of new maps. I thought X2 was the sh*t as is but it's nice to see my $40 filter through the entire experience even though most of it is saved for the mid-game. Where it was sorely needed.

I had heard about "bonds" your squad mates can become buddies giving them an extra turn when they team up, but they're tasked with winning hearts and minds too. You make propaganda posters out of their bro-mance. I love it. I can't wait to hear my squeak of rage when one of them dies and I can't save scum out of it. That'll be fun.