Crackpot Theory: Tony Stark is a Self Pitying Masochist.

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT THE CLIMAX OF IRON MAN 3 SPOILED FOR YOU.








YES...YOU.



So the motif of Iron Man 3 was the search for who Tony was without the suit. The vast majority of the film had Tony trying to rebuild his breakaway rocket armor inside a (again, strangely unaccented) child's garage. It showed he was resourceful, that he had a sense of responsibility, that he was essentially an 8 year old man, and that under all that steel and Paul Bettany he was still one hell of a guy.

Oh...but apparently all that soul searching was entirely pointless. After a heated conversation with a friend (who absolutely despised 3) over the film's faults, I had to tip my hat to her after she found a doozey of a plot hole. The end of the film shows he could have backpedaled out of all that nonsense and had any of his small army of extra suits fly over and pull his ass out of Tennessee.

The "House Party" shreds nearly all the character building of two whole acts. Maybe it could have worked if Rhodey was given an uplink (or something, I don't know) to Tony's toy chest from the military and he didn't know the password. That certainly would have given him more of a point as a character. But as it is, Iron Man 3 is a film about a man who puts his loved ones and his country in serious danger just so he can have something to more to say to his jolly green therapist.

Still, I loved the hell out of it, but that really bugs me though...Wait, I know what'll cheer me up!

 

WEEEEEE!!!

Nolan North was in the New Star Trek...Apparently!

How did I miss this? How did I miss north? I'm a guy who keeps close tabs on his favorite character actors, because in this day and age, really talented actors seem to finally be getting a break. I mean, do you see Kristen Wiig as a lead in an 80's comedy that's not...no especially Pretty in Pink? Exactly.

For those who are muttering "who the hell is this guy?" I'll tell you. Nolan North is this guy:

Imagine Indiana Jones was Nathan Filllion...sounds great doesn't it?

And this guy:

And this guy:

And this guy here:

Pretend I meticulously orchestrated the contrasting finger pointing.

Raise your hand if you just figured out why you've never heard of him, yep, these are all roles in video games. But he never actually spoke in Into Darkness, or at least, I never heard him. I would have pegged him immediately then, but I'm sure there were reasons, maybe it got cut for time or something. I don't know and honestly? I don't care. JJ Abrams did not have to do this, and by North's account, he just really wanted too.  

So what's this? the man with the keys to the new Star Wars properties has respect for the video game world's best and brightest? Maybe he'll be giving Chris Avellone a call next, I can dig it. I mean people aren't saying he's the greatest writer in video game history...but I'm saying those people are wrong. (if my first article didn't give that away)

Vote Knope!: A Beginner's Guide to Parks and Rec.

I'll start this primer by answering the first question I'm always asked by anyone who hasn't seen Parks and Rec. So it's just like The Office right? No! No! A thousand times, no. While I was on board The Office for the first couple of years, I confess I bailed pretty early. Years before Michael Scott left, years before the writing fell to pieces, and years before Jim and Pam became... that couple.

Something about it just rubbed me the wrong way, it was impossible to put my finger on. I still thought it was funny, I thought the characters were interesting people I'd hadn't seen given justice on TV before (I've known about 4 different Merediths), and the pranks were so good I cursed the gods for not thinking of them myself. I liked The Office, but I couldn't make myself love it.  

Around the same time I had heard Parks and Rec was gaining steam, this would be about halfway through season 2. I wanted to believe the modest hype, being a long time fan of Amy Poehler, so I looked up the pilot...and was thoroughly unimpressed. It was the same feeling The Office gave me, only this time Scott was a blonde woman in the government, what were the critics making a fuss over?

So I skipped ahead on Hulu and watched the last one they had up... then the clouds broke and I saw the light. It was the Halloween episode focusing on the infamous middle school vandal:

 

PIKITIS!

It was fantastic, it was a completely different show with the exact same cast. Every character in it had something to do and manged to be hilarious doing it. I had enjoyed myself more over those 20 minutes than the first two years of The Office, but why? I now had no choice but to throw myself into my studies to properly achieve a master's degree in sociology to understand how a person cou- I spent the weekend blowing off homework and devouring the series. 

I figured it out. The Office was a show you laugh at, Parks is a show you laugh with. Parks never had the "hey, look at the freaks!" vibe I could get from The Office sometimes and "The Big Bang Theory" always. It was like a revelation. It didn't have to mine laughs from the cast's collective misery. After 6 episodes the writers decided to change Poehler's Leslie Knope from a pitiful lunatic to an admirable one. Thus, they purged nearly all cynicism from the show proving that great comedy can effectively (and consistently) come from the heart.

So here we go, These are what I believe to be the best points of entry to Pawnee Indiana:


Greg Pikitis-S2: EP, 7

You never forget your first time (as much as I tried, zing!) and Pikitis still holds a very special place in my TV heart. I cannot recommend a better first episode. Its funny, its fast paced, its Louis C. K.'ied, and there's a twist ending! But seriously folks, please watch the second season front to back, but if you really must insist on browsing...


Ron and Tammy-S2: EP, 8

The one right after it is just as great, if not greater. Setting up the library as Pawnee's root of all evil, as well as pitting the real life married couple of Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally
against each other, made that season's mission statement loud and clear. The statement was "We are going to try to make this the funniest damn show that's ever existed." three years later I say they succeeded.


94 Meetings-S2: EP, 21

This isn't one of the best episodes, but it does show its greatest strength. I'm not a fan of the A story here, what with Leslie trying to save a historic Gazebo that takes a majority of the running time. The B side, with the office trying to run through almost a hundred meetings with Pawnee's local wackjobs in one day, is more than worth it. Even if there are aspects of a P&R episode you don't like, it will assuredly bungee towards something you will love if you give it five minutes.

The Master Plan-Freddie Spaghetti S2: Finale

They say the reason M*A*S*H lasted as long at it did was that whenever it rotated cast members, it always traded up. We may have lost Brendanawicz in the end of season two, but in his place rose Ben Wyatt and Chris Traeger who are (literaly?) the best pinch hitters since the 4077. Each bringing a new, or refining an old, dynamic on what was already a well balanced show. With their addition to the cast, P&R was ready to move beyond the "cult hit" world and confidently stride on their way to greatness! (pictured below)

Flu Season-S2: EP, 3

This is it. This is my favorite. I know you're not supposed to do that, they say it gives the others personality issues. But if you put a gun to my head demanding my favorite episode, Flu season is it. P&R already existed in a heightened reality, but now half the cast had a creative excuse to act even weirder. Their opportunity is not wasted and what follows is simply glorious. If flu season dosen't make you a believer, than I'm afraid to say, nothing will. But please, give it at least a couple episodes. Once it's got you in its friendly, vice-like, bear hug, it will never let you go.

...and you'll never want it to. VOTE KNOPE!

Star Trek: Into Darkness Review, Superman Vs. Robocop.

Matt Ferguson, Everybody!

Before I start, full disclosure, I am not a Trekkie. I've sat through a fair share of Next Generation and DS9 yet I have remained unevangelised.

Its not that I overly disliked or look down on ST (being a yellow dog Brown Coat myself) but it just didn't grab me the way a show of that length would have too. I'd need to stick with it, through the good times and the Riker guts, and I don't have it in me. So whether these new films are the second coming or sacrilege I do not know. But what I do know is I walked into the theater both times with healthy optimism and both times I left thoroughly impressed.

The prevailing mantra over at my dearly beloved Rotten Tomatoes is that the acting is solid and the story is a mess. Here I find myself disagreeing with the majority of ID's detractors. I actually found the story fairly coherent and continuously surprising. Most of the time when I peg a character as a traitor I'm right, so I was delighted to be wrong in both instances. The villain's ultimate goal was sound, the cast's reactions to the evolving situation were understandable, and the progression from set piece to set piece was most...logical (sorry).


 The overarching themes of the film appeared to be guilt and greed. It opens on a thinly veiled exploration of white man's burden and ends on a declaration against warmongering for the sake of  accomplishment. Without a good roster of characters sounding off on what they mean to them, the themes wouldn't mean squat. So I'll happily agree that the critics who enjoyed the stylings of Pine, Quinto, Saldana, and Pegg were absolutely right.

"Is that...Is that how big my part is?!"

Putting these four actors in a tube together is comedy gold, which is another surprising strength of the film, its really damn funny. After three years without seeing the first installment again, I had forgotten that Spock and Uhura were a thing. The way they remind me without a character simply explaining it to the audience was refreshing... and when Kirk did just that 20 minutes later, it managed to be hilarious. In that regard, all you need to do to tickle my critic bone is to give me enough Simon Pegg being Simon Pegg. And there is so much Pegg in here you guys! All those little ticks and whines only he can add to the end of otherwise mundane line readings is a rare talent that he uses most wisely here. In fact this very nearly becomes the Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Sherlock movie. Oh! speaking of which...

"Something, something, something, darkmatterrrrrrrr."

Cumberbatch is pretty disappointing. Pulling off a broad villain of "eeeevil" caliber is hard, thankless work and unfortunately Cumberbatch chews the scenery more than anything else. In his defense the script doesn't give him much to work with either. We're supposed to fear him and what he's capable of. But we never get a clear picture of what that is, exactly. He has a weakness that ends up being the best plot point of the film and John Harrison's story is ultimately one worth telling, thankfully. And as long as we're getting complaints out of the way, I loved Carl Urban in Dredd, but his Bones always comes off as a bad impression. I want to like it but I just can't. Oh, and Alice Eve's lengiere shot!? That was embarrassing JJ, come on.


Hm...so I'm at a loss of what else to say about ID without spoiling its best surprises and character moments. Though I'm curious as to what repeat viewings will feel like. Maybe that's where the story falls to pieces, but I'm pretty sure critics are just venting their delayed frustration from last year's Batman. If you really want to talk about a gossamer web of preposterousness, we'll talk about "Rises." So in the end, this isn't a great movie. But it clearly didn't want to, and it doesn't have to be, one. To me, the most honest reaction you have to a movie is the first thought that pops into your head when its over. For me?

"That was almost too much fun."

Freshly STEAM-ed: Torchlight 2 Review

A look at the Steam store's hidden gems and buried skeletons.

A good looter is hard to find these days, wait...never mind. They're friggn' everywhere! The act of "looting" is one of the most voraciously addicting aspects of gaming and all developers know it. The trick is developing it well. It can be too generous, too stingy, too repetitive, too predictable, and it only works if all those aspects are in check. In other words, its chemistry.

An action RPG like torchlight, despite its large roster of characters to build, places to roam, enemies to kill, and quests to fetch, its only as good as it's loot system. So my reaction to the game after running through two characters over a few months is...favorable. It's occasionally great, but in the face of Borderlands and even Darksiders II, I see room for improvement

"Two barrels? Psh, its been done."

It's far less expensive than those other two games, $40 less, even. But after a good long while into a new game+ I was bored. I was just doing the same things over and over and over because the game wouldn't let me try out any other tactics. It had made me set in my ways against my will because there were serious problems with the leveling process. In that, you can read your skill trees front to back but still have no real idea what your new skill will be like until you've invested in to it halfway. That takes hours, and if you had more than three points spent on a useless ability there was no going back. The vast array of skills and abilities demand experimentation, but the game allowed no room for it. Worse still, they guzzle so many skill points to be worth a damn that you would have to spend an entire play through nurturing five out of  30 skills to stay in fighting shape. That's boring. 

This is a picture of twice as much time as you're ever going to want to spend with one character.

But again, loot is the name of this game, and great loot heals all wounds. But sadly, that fared even worse. 6 times out of 10 when I came across a "legendary" piece of loot, it was for another character. It was a cheap, irritating, way to force me to play multiplayer and trade with others. Which would have been fine, except none of my friends who have a PC play this game (enough anyway). So all it accomplished was taunting me until I lost interest in continuing to loot. Which also translates into not playing the game because that was the whole damn point.


It's strange it left me so cold, because I really wanted to love it. In fact, there are many things I still admire about it. It's charming score, its fluid (delightful) animation, its crisp sound design (pistols especially), and the way the monsters feel like natural species in their element rather than things made up to kill you. Brilliant people made this game, and it is one hell of a game, the last thing I want to do is to sell TL2 short. Its necessary to point out that all my grousing comes from long term exposure. Meaning none of these complaints floated to the surface until after I had beaten it twice. I'm not complaining about it being bad, I'm angry at how close it came to being perfect.

"So what do you guys think? Too blue? ...Its too blue, I get it. Good talk."

Yet, while I was busy complaining about the lack of my ability to re-spec my character, the developers patched in the ability to do just that. Which brings up the best feature about this shindig: Steam Workshop! If there is a problem you have with the game, a vast community of modders have most likely already fixed it. Further still, there are entirely new characters, pets, bosses, dungeons, and equipment ready made to sweeten your pot. All are free and are downloaded directly where they need to be without you needing to open up the hood of your root folder. Just subscribe and sit back while it streams.

So if you're looking for a solid looter on the cheap, there is no better place to look to than Runic game’s stylized little romp. I may be hard on it, but that's just because I love it and want it to improve. I'm sure the right concoction of mods to smooth out my grievances exists, so I guess I better start mixing, I hope to see some of you in there.

"You did not just step on my new boots!!!"

Transformers in Slow Motion: aka "Pacific Rim."

 Ladies and gentlemen...this could be something very special.

Blow this sucker up full screen!   

I actually liked the last one a little better so here, have both, and let your inner 8 year old squeal with joy!

Have a Friend for Dinner, Tonight at 10.

Join me for something delicious on TV this evening, more of NBC's Hannibal!  The last show I watched on TV because I couldn't wait for the internet to catch up was Breaking Bad. Folks, in my book, Hannibal is right up there with Breaking Bad. Its so good, other networks are licking their chops at its low ratings so they can pick it up for themselves, should it be canceled. I've already spoke at length on its hypnotic cinematography, brilliant acting, and absolutely disgusting  murder victims.

Its a really good show folks...but don't just take my word for it: