Rockstar Plants a Flag on Agent

Yeah right, I'm holding my breath.

The day after Cracked.com writes about 5 games you'll never get to play Rockstar renews their trademark on the #1 spot. An open world espionage shooter called "Agent." The question is, do we hope for the best here? Is this a sign of life, or do they just not want anyone else using their title? It's a very simple and effective little title. I mean, you hear about a Rockstar game called Agent you know exactly what its about.

That's something worth protecting even if you have absolutely no plans to throw several million more dollars at a project. But for me? I think this is something they still want to do. I think this will be their next Red Dead. The thing they do in between GTA to keep from losing their minds. I'd say the sordid story of Alpha Protocol must have put a damper on things, but Agent stalled out long before that. But hey, remember L.A. Noire? that ran silent for at least as long as this. So again, I think this is gonna happen.

Ryan Reynolds isn't famous, and that's ok.

Someone just had a very very bad weekend. Both Reynold's vehicles Turbo and RIPD bombed miserably to what is essentially the best horror film in about a decade. Normally I'd be pretty pleased with those numbers, but this is still spectacularly unfair. Is RIPD as bad as they say? Probably. Was a movie about a formula 1 snail the result of some sort of executive dart board/madlib concoction? Again... probably.

I like Ryan Reynolds, I think he gets a lot more crap than he deserves. I also think any unknown actor saddled with The Green Lantern would be begging for change on Hollywood and Vine right now. How does he do that? How does he keep getting these golden tickets? I have no friggin' clue. It wasn't to make a competing Ryan Gosling, he showed up later and even he doesn't hit the mark most of the time. Damn, where's celebrity death match when you really need it?

Someone out there clearly wants this man to be a bankable movie star, and the frustrating part is he's talented enough to pull it off. But you can't force these things all the time and you definitely can't run two of his films in the same damn weekend. I don't care that one's animated and one isn't, you could argue it's after the same audience. I mean, I saw Men in Black when I was in second grade (god, I loved it).

Yet the saddest thing of all is even if you put both of those movies together you wind up with a middling profit. Ryan Reynolds does not draw a crowd. It's as simple as that, I wish it weren't true, but there it is. But then again, Will Smith couldn't this summer, neither could Tom cruise, even Brad Pitt's taking a hit on his liberal interpretation of World War Z. Maybe I'm coming at this at the wrong angle. Maybe stars have less to do with the box office than we all thought.

Or maybe we're just sick of interchangeable Dreamworks cartoons, MIB ripoffs, and pretentious apocalypses.

The Newsroom, Season 1 Review.

Not as bad as I feared, not as good as I'd hoped. If I had never seen a Sorkin show before last week I would have been completely enamored by The Newsroom. But I've been following him for years and while his formula is one of the best there is, its still a formula and I know all the ingredients. I was constantly playing a drinking game in the back of my mind (female pratfall!). I didn't want to, but its like those magic eye posters, (awkward shouting match!) when you see it once, you're always squinting to see it again (awkward shouting match fallout!).

But after a while you ease into it like a hot tub and just roll with it. You're in Sorkin-land and worst case scenario, you're gonna get some good monologues. Jeff Daniel's first as firebrand news anchor Will McAvoy is a barn burner. He's a decent character, you know he's an ass, but it takes a long time for that to register because he's pleasingly three dimensional. The first couple of minutes alone do a great job of fleshing him out.

McAvoy's played the moderate for too long, he's become the second highest watched cable news anchor, but at what cost? He's inconsequential at best and a phoney at worst and after being asked to explain why America is the greatest country on earth, he finally snaps. That snap gives his producer (Sam Waterson) the excuse to make McAvoy matter again. By being more editorial, by reporting news that matters... and by hiring his ex girlfriend to oversee the whole thing. Waaaaaaait a minute, isn't that how the West Wing started too?

Is it an unnecessary love triangle contrivance? Yes. There's actually going to be a couple of these, but in the moment, each of them work. McAvoy's with Emily Mortimer is the best; but you've also got the one with Alison Pill (Maggie) between the go getter 10:00 show producer Jake, (jock) and the passionate editor/puppy dog, Jim...(nerd). It gets better as it goes along but a good 30% of the show is sacrificed on the alter of these office romances. The biggest problem is Jake doesn't become anywhere near relatable until halfway through the season. You have no reason not to hate him, he abandons McAvoy professionally, he abandons Maggie romantically, and he openly tells Jim that he hates him at least four times. Its a mess.

Thankfully the news stories, as revisionist as they are, do a great service by simply reminding you of what happened 2 years ago. I had forgotten almost every story they covered and the rhetoric attached to each was viscerally satisfying, but unapologetically one sided. But that doesn't bother me, McAvoy constantly name dropping the fact he's a registered republican does. I mean, I know moderate republicans, McAvoy is no moderate. There isn't a single word that falls out of his mouth that a democrat would disagree with, in other words, its a wasted trait that only serves to make him a less interesting character. He's a liberal Sorkin, stop trying to eat your cake too.

But I gotta admit one story they worked on got me good. They made a connection I had never thought of before. Remember the bill that allowed corporations to give unlimited funds to political candidates? It also extended to unions. What happens immediately after that passed? The Wisconsin teacher strike. I'm sorry, that's good journalism.

I haven't even mentioned how much of a joy Sam Waterson is, I avoided Law and Order like the plague so maybe he's always been this funny. Olivia Munn wound up being much more enjoyable than I thought, her Fukushima sub plot was one of the highlights for me, but she's still really stone faced. Fun though, she would kill voice over work.

So there. It's patchy, hits a lot of sour notes, women rarely talk about anything other than the men in their lives, and the two black characters just don't have anything to say other than exposition. But those are my problems, objectively its a "good" show. If you liked the West Wing, you're gonna like this. If you were hoping for Sorkin to alter his vision slightly or shake things up (like me) you'll walk away disappointed. But I want to keep watching it and that's not nothing.

Oh, and this one time Terry Crews showed up out of nowhere and it was awesome.

There's a Licensed Firefly MMO...

...That's shackled to IOS devices and is more than likely a bald faced cash in.

Ok, show's over people, nuthin' to see here. Just my shattered hopes and dreams of the possibility of Firefly: The Next Generation (which is totally not a spec script I've written). I'd love for there to be something here and I have no right to doubt the conviction of the folks working on it. But it would have to be the big damn savoir of the MMO to make me think about buying an I-pad. I just don't don't have the scratch.

But man, if they did the impossible... wouldn't that be shiny?

So I'm ready to watch the Newsroom...

"I fixed the White House, I fixed SNL, what else can I fix?"

I really liked the West Wing in its day. I was way too young to really "get" what it was about, but I loved the feel of the dialogue and characters. I guess I should call it an influence, in the same way I should call Friends one (because people complained that I could not sound more like Chandler Bing in 7th grade).

When Sorkin went on to make his SNL show, Studio 60, I was excited! Comedians behind the scenes are miserable, dramatic, bastards and I could not wait for Sorkin to mine that gold. But a couple episodes in I began to realize why Lorne Micheals had refused any involvement. Not that he was jealously guarding his legacy (he may have been) but that he clearly could smell something on Sorkin, something he didn't like. That he was dramatist who didn't get comedy. But uh, good luck telling the creator of The West Wing he can't do something.

It wasn't as big a disaster as some seemed to think, but man, it shouldn't have been what it was. A painful act of hubris slowly bleeding out for several months. The audience deserved better, Hughley deserved better, Whitford deserved better. But it was what it was.

When the word came down from press mountain about The Newsroom last year, I heard what I expected. That Sorkin was even more entrenched in his ways with hindsight politics and sermon preaching. That can be fun though...but the critics didn't make it sound like fun. Also Olivia Munn kinda bothers me, she always looks acutely aware she's an actor in a scene instead of a character. Anywho, I passed.

But now it's summer, I'm nursing a stubborn surgical scar, and I'm bored as peanuts. See? I'm trying to coin new phrases, somebody help me! I know I shouldn't take critic's word as gospel, but I just find myself disagreeing with Rotten Tomatoes so rarely, I always do. I'm giving the Newsroom a chance, I love Jeff Daniels, I like Sorkin, I'm not a sheep.

Bah! who am I kidding?

The second season's better? I knew that...of course I've seen it.

John Dies at the End Review: This movie is full of awesome, seriously dude, don't miss it.

Have you ever talked a physicist down from a bad salvia trip? Because that's what this movie feels like. It waxes poetic about interconnected worlds, the finality of death, the perspective of eternity by a super computer, and flying, screaming, mustache monsters.

The adaption of David Wong's opus "John Dies at the End" is refreshing to say the least. This is a bargain basement film to be sure, but if you saw Bubba Ho Tep (required viewing for any Bruce Cambell fan) you know exactly what to expect from John Dies as well as it's director Don Coscarelli. Well... not everything. This is a stupendously weird movie with a very straight face and some people may not realize that its part of the joke. To borrow a tired phrase, this isn't funny "ha ha" but I promise you'll be smiling half the time if you give it a chance.

David Wong is the son of a dead beat dad and a druggie, spiritualist, cannibal, mother who spent her welfare check every month on "Black Candles" (is that a Jack Daniels joke?). What does that have to do with the overarching story of an interdimensional hallucinogenic called soy sauce? Nothing. In fact, nothing in this film has much to do with anything...until it does. The story is all over the place and if you stop trying to take notes and just go with it, you'll be much more forgiving of the limp finale. Though I promise its still a fun scene with a cameo from Kevin Michael Richardson who obviously makes everything better.

"The next person that calls me a low rent R-patz is getting cut"

But while the special effects do their job they will not blow your mind. This is as shoe string as budgets get and its a testament to the material that everything it tries up until the big bad is so convincing. But why? The cast is why. I'm sure you've seen Paul Giamatti in the trailer and I'll have you know everyone else is up to his caliber... actually that's pushing it, but not as far as you'd think. Chase Williamson as Dave has a grip on droll absurdity that may not approach a young Bill Murray but is definitively a stellar effort with near impenetrable material. Rob Mayes as John is much more interesting than the annoying best friend he could have been and does somersaults with both prat falling drug overdose scenes as well as long winded exposition. That is thankless work. Doug Jones and Clancy Brown have tiny, but likable cameos and Giamatti has a deeper story arc then you'd think. So yeah, genre comedy like this rarely sees acting this good outside of an Edgar Wright joint. And anyone who knows me, knows I love me a flick done the wright way.

Did I ever tell you about that soul crushing boondoggle called The Goon?

I'm not going to be the guy who says the "book was better." In fact, it's my least favorite thing to say about an adaption and in my opinion, one of the laziest criticisms movies get. The book is wonderful (here, go buy it!) and the film is wonderful for different reasons. Yes, vast swaths of it are missing (this isn't a mini series) yes, the dog's name is different, and sure, the ending cuts a ton of corners. But there's no budgetary restriction on page counts; and comparing a book to a movie as if they are similar creative processes is naive at best and close minded at worst. Only when an adaptation is patently dismissive of the source and makes changes for the sake of marketability do I think "the book was better" ever holds water. People complain about skimmed subplots or several characters being condensed into one, but there are almost always damn good reasons why this happens. Publishers don't pay more for books that have too many characters with speaking roles, movie producers do. John Dies is both faithful and loving to the book's cadence and humor, which before I broke down and watched it, I was convinced it was unfilmable. I hesitate to use the word flabbergasted, not because its dishonest, but because that word is stupid.

In the end, John Dies was so breezy and likable, yet so high mined and funny, that I wish this was the pilot of a cable series than a standalone feature. They say you should always leave a audience wanting more, and on that note, I pray some day down the line I'll write a review about a movie full of spiders.

See what you think.

The Pixar Connection: We have to go DEEPER.

Blogger Jon Negroni has made something incredible, and I'm not just talking about his section on The Incredibles. He has managed to create a fairly reasonable daisy chain of connections to prove every Pixar film takes place on the same world. He goes chronologically, explaining how each film affects the next in such a self possessed kind of way, it feels natural instead of forced.

Not every piece fits as well as others but it is stunning how thorough it all is. So if you have 45 to spend going down a rabbit hole today, spend it here.