Tales from the Borderlands Review: It'll blow your mind and break your heart.

 I never get episodic games day one. The same way I never get season passes on day one. I'm not going to pay for something I can't have yet. But I have a weakness for The Borderlands. I also have a weakness for glowing reviews. Ultimately the chocolate got in the peanut butter and I couldn't stay away.

I'm glad I didn't. This is singularly the best episode TellTale's ever done. Full stop. I'm seriously wondering if they blew their budget on it. I thought it would end 3 stunning action sequences before it did. This is a true labor of love and only makes a great series of games even better.

I'm no fair weather fan either. I've been there since their Monkey Island reboot back in 2009. As much as I love their work on The Walking Dead (which was honestly better written than a third of the actual show) it's clear form the first 20 minutes of TFBL they've been dying to be funny again.

What we have here is a taught comedy thriller set in Gearbox's world of Pandora. This point and click adventure fits seamlessly into the background of the main series's signature first person shooter framework. This is a world where nobody needs half of a reason to shoot someone and take their stuff. A perfect setting for the classic "deal of a lifetime gone wrong" scenario. Our duel protagonists are a malcontent Hyperion junior executive who's just had a decade of brown nosing rendered pointless; and a native Pandoran con artist looking to pull the right job that can set her and her kid sister up for life.

"Hold still, this baby has one hell of a massage setting."

They both unreliably narrate the chain of events that lead them to be hogtied together while a masked man points a Conference Call at their faces. I know, I know. "Hyperion." "Pandora." "Conference Call." That's all jargon you don't need to know. You don't need to know anything about Borderlands going in to enjoy this game. In fact, I've always believed Telltale interactive narrative games are the perfect gateway for folks that can't stand video games. I'd love to see what my dad would make of this if he earnestly gave it a shot. It's story is effortlessly gripping because a lot of the heavy world-building lifting has been done in three feature length games already.

Like I said, you don't need to know what the best shotgun in Borderlands 2 is to appreciate Tales. But there is some amazing behind the scenes fan service if you've got sharp enough eyes. Like how Rhy's dialogue choices have a holographic Hyperion look. Whereas Fiona's stick to a folksy wooden style. A Jakobs, style. Jargon again, apologies!

Credit where credit is due, this is the best cast TellTale has worked with. No matter how good The Walking Dead and The Wolf Among Us were, and they were both damn good, the background characters always sounded a little flat. Wolf had it the worst, half that cast had me checking my watch. I feel TT knew about that, because there's no other explanation for every every single character in this one episode being so awesomely on point. The random bandits you talk to, besides the first one who's clearly Keith Szarabajka being predictably gruff and delightful? All hilarious.

And you just know he double parks.

And you bet that's Patrick Warburton from Family Guy as that smug Hyperion exec. You know that's Chris Hardwick as Rhys's right hand, Vaughn. Rhys himself is the never-not-stunning Troy Baker. And that August character was totally Nolan North. Sure TT nailed down the biggest names for their Game of Throne's adaptation next month. But these are great lesser-appreciated talents they've probably had on a shortlist for years. They did not waste the opportunity.

Oh, and the soundtrack has been kicked up like nobodies business. I won't beat around the bush... The Walking Dead's score was garbage. Absolute. Garbage. This is not. While some tracks are recycled from BL2, there's a great techno Morricone-esque theme for the menu screen and a few other gems sprinkled throughout the more action oriented sections. They really stepped up their game all over the place this time.

I've also been getting earfuls from some holier-than-thou critics calling this the best borderlands game, period. I get that they didn't like the shooting and looting from the main series and they'd be right if they were just whipping the first game's confused shrug of a story. But 2 and the Pre-Sequel were so much more than that. These games have always had sharp characterization. Perhaps they went for the laugh more often than story, but so what? It's about time a role playing game had a damn sense of humor instead of a phone book's worth of po-faced lore. My point is that TFBL shows Pandora in a light that a shooter never could. A different angle on what was a fun and fascinating world, already. TellTale didn't magically make it relatable and three dimensional all of a sudden.

Now that I got that rant out of the way... I guess I should ask what you're still doing here. Why aren't you throwing $25 bucks at your monitor or phone right now?! I'm not futzing around, this 2 1/2 hours of content is totally worth that much. There's 4 more coming down the pike at some point... maybe 6-8 months from now. I mean, they will have to work around Peter Dinklage's schedule now, so it's gonna be a long haul. But it's also gonna be a hell of a ride, folks.

So strap in.

The 302 Post Spectacular!

Well look at that, I passed the 300 mark without blinking an eye. I'm pretty proud of my little blog. Even if it's a 90% bounce-to-hit ratio echo chamber, sometimes, somehow, somebody reads some random junk I threw up on the internet for 5 to 10 minutes. That's so much more than enough. That's as if I had a  miniature cival war recreation set I poured over for years and somone just showed up to admire it one day.

I didn't ask for it, but I got noticed anyway, and it feels amazing. Here's to 302 more!

"There are... contingencies." Behind the scenes of Tales from the Borderlands.

You're going to want to stay to the end of this one, as there are eggs of easterly nature. Plus it looks like the game's coming along swimmingly, as it fixes the biggest problem I had with the walking dead season 2. I.E. the in game soundtrack was terrible. The soundtrack for this trailer is not. It's techno-bluesy fun and I could not be more on board with all this by now.

Oh... and they're doing Game of Thrones at the exact same time. Damn, guys... let someone else have the world on a string for a while!

I'm Not Dead!

Just crazy busy with work... and Inquisition. It's so good, too good. Gooder than even the most of the critics are saying. I mean, I don't know what IGN's problem with the villain was. I think he's great. Or at least the presence of him in the story through 2 thirds of the game is a refreshing change of pace for Bioware.

The original Mass Effect was their last central villain and that was almost 10 years ago! But seriously, one of our guys just quit and I've been swamped.

I'll get back when I can, Crackpot!

I've got some time off!

And I don't want to give away too much information about my private life, but here's a hint about what I'll probably spend most of that time doing:

The Tales from the Borderlands trailer is here, and it's really funny! Also, Patrick Warburton.

Who's that handsome heterochromic devil?

This is the best season of South Park in Years.

I've been watching South Park since I was Stan's age. It's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. While I'd argue it's been a better show longer than the Simpsons, I wouldn't disagree that the past 5 or 6 years haven't exactly measured up. I've seen em' all at least once because there's always something about each episode that's worth watching. I may hate that Honey Boo Boo one, (why does everyone spit on Randy Newman so much?") but I could listen to that James Cameron song for hours.

But this season, free from the demands of both their admittedly solid video game and their career defining block buster musical, they have come back to the show with their guns drawn. Ready to shoot down their harsher critics.

Most of the episodes this year have had a shared continuity. Whether it's the gym being burnt down by Butters or Randy secretly being 18 year old singer songwriter Lorde, it's been a refreshing season so far. But I guess I like Nathan and Mimsy more than most people. I mean, come on, the wacky races with alternative fuel cars was damn good work.

But it's with Grounded Vindaloop that I feel I need to blog about South Park, which is oddly something I've never done before. Hands down, this is the best story driven episode in years... maybe ever. It's not funny, or at least it's only funny for about a 6th of the time. It's a testament to the show's commitment to it's characters that we can follow them down a virtual reality rabbit hole and not even care that's not gonna go for a belly laugh. Not to rag on the Simpsons too much, but making Homer progressively stupider over 20 years did not a compelling character make.

This has been a great year for South Park, a humble creative renascence the likes of which shows more than 10 seasons deep never see. I'd say it's worth coughing up some dough to Hulu+ to check it out:

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Review: True to Caesar.

Ave.

Tomorrow, you can see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes on the internet. On Google play and what have you. Which is great for several reasons. Either you've been waiting months for this thing, or you needed an excuse to release a half finished review that's been festering in your draft archives for  months.

Either way, this is a good movie. If you've seen Rise at least twice, I've found it's an even better movie. In fact, this is one of the rare sequels that works best as a double feature. In much the same way Quantum of Solace is a better film back to back with Casino Royale. Seriously. Try doing that. 

But it's not exactly the same situation, because Dawn is a much, much, better film than Quantum. As well as one of the best war movies I've ever seen. Well... at least one of the best movies "about" war I've seen. But it ain't perfect. Far from it. There's a mini series worth of material here that isn't given enough time to breathe. I'd have loved something like a 6 part BBC affair. That would have been a more effective way to tell this story of doomed peace between species.

We'd need 2 episodes from each side and a 2 part finale. One; because the humans aren't given a fraction of the nuance they need to be compelling and two, I could watch Caesar's mo-capped band of apes for days. They are singularly the finest achievement in CGI since Gollum. But as such, the film gets rudely awakened from it's wonderful dialogue free "apes being apes" scenes for it's clumsier rising action sections. The humans are a script draft away from being good, they have a small amount of characterization that keeps them from detracting from the movie, but in the end they only serve to create conflict. And with that... I'm done talking about the people. Let's talk about what this film truly mastered.

I'm pretty sure that guy has polio.

Sure, they nailed Caesar in Rise, but you only saw maybe one or two other apes manage to become characters near the end. Now there's an entire army to contend with and most are given personalities as well as names. Yes, Koba was spectacular, and I'll get to him. But Blue Eyes? Rocket? Caesar's wife (even though most of her part was cut but is still pretty great)? Are all given enough attention to suspend my disbelief completely for hours. So much so; that I say that even when it's cutting edge dulls, they'll still teach lectures on the film's ability to say so much with the tiniest ape facial tick.

Of which, the most belong to Caesar's heavily crowned head. Only Caesar was raised by humans and only he understands that the invading human tribe only want their hydro-electric dam (THAT'S vaguely familiar) for energy and little else. Caesar is in charge because he's the only one of two apes that has any sense of foresight. He knows engaging in violence, even defensibly, will eventually spill buckets of innocent blood. But where he shows restraint, his followers see weakness, and Koba sees an angle.

The scarred lifetime lab rat has love for Caesar, but only until he sees his opening. His campaign of manipulation is the highlight of the film and is delivered in a surprisingly subtle and multifaceted performance by Toby Kebbell. The man manages to turn two words "human" and "work" into a riveting monologue and that's no sh*t.

Yes, this is ridiculous and no, I don't care what you think.

Elsewhere, Gary Oldman is fine as the hardline human leader, doing the typical Oldman special. Which is finding depth the written role hardly provides. Though that scene with the war torn apple tablet was pretty special, I'll give the script that one.

But for me to call a movie "great" I need to have my expectations exceeded. Sure I knew Caesar couldn't keep the peace and maybe I should have seen Koba's ultimate betrayal coming 10 miles away. The point is, the most interesting part of the film is the final act and this is the exact sentence I stop talking about it.

The finale rocks and the ending finds that tricky middle ground of setting up a sequel while managing to actually end. I'm looking at you, Catching Fire. I'm also shaking my head, Catching Fire.

But yes, the film is great. It's got a bigger heart than I expected and more in depth world building than I thought it would. I mean, I would love to frame and hang the concept art of Caesar's village on my wall. But in short, this is the big budget humanist sci-fi film I've wanted to see for a very long time. I liked Rise, quite a bit actually, but Dawn is operating on a whole different level. It answers questions about storytelling I never thought to ask. Questions like, "Is political turmoil exponentially more compelling when told through the lens of genetically altered primates?"

Yes. The answer is yes.

What's up guys? It's been too long.

I really, REALLY, think they have a shot at making this special. Here's hopin'

Asteroid. Sighhhhhhh. I'm still optimistic.

Lies! Filthy Lies!!!!!!!!

Another false Fallout alarm. As you were people. I'm not crying...

Though I guess I should take solace in the fact that it won't be called something as corny as "Shadow of Boston" Yick. That's something.

Fallout: Shadow of Boston, is finally trademarked.

So now Bethesda's share holders know it's a thing... how much longer till' we see a teaser? Honestly the longer we wait the more I feel we have a Resident Evil 5 on our hands. Something that took too long, looked and played great until you finished it for the first time, and was ultimately incredibly disappointing.

Am I wrong? Christ, I hope so. Though if they truly didn't start on it until that Dragon-born DLC finished, that time line adds up. It's been almost 2 years since that. But here's the obvious question...

Why isn't it Fallout 4? Could it be (and I'm REAAAAAALY out on a limb here) they gave that honor to Obsidian? Because they made the best Fallout game in 15 years and my personal favorite game, period.

Something to think about.

I've changed my mind on The Walking Dead.

Screw the red wedding, this. This girl right here...

I used to adore that show. Hang on it's every word, re-watch the first 2 seasons at least once. I loved it, all my friends loved it, I couldn't get enough of it. But, much like Dexter, the bloom fell off the rose for me. First when Darabont was sh*tcanned, that stung. Then when season 3 slowly devolved into the embarrassing repetitive mess it was at the end.

I didn't even think about that show for the last year and a half. Until 4 days ago. I've changed my mind. I'm typing up a think piece that started off as a season 4 review, but became as much about it's huge audience and social impact as it is screaming Shane and CORRRALLLUUULLLLL's name.

Think you're gonna like it.

NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

 

OOOOOOOOO!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY- (The Colbert Report ends it's 9 year run on Thursday December 18th and I'm absolutely not having the same sort of reaction one typically has when a close relative dies) YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!!!

Civilization, Beyond Earth Review: Science Victory.

It took me years to get into Civilization. Years and years and years. I saw the perfect reviews for IV and just had to get a hit of it. But I couldn't make heads or tails of the thing. I stumbled through settler mode time and time again, always selecting recommended buildings. It didn't matter if I was doing well or not, I'd always fast forward in the last 150 turns anyway. I was too young to understand the thing and it wasn't until almost 2 years ago that I finally figured it out.

Civ V took me, and it took me hard. I was having a rough time getting a job out of college and Civ helped me suck it up and fill out just... one... more... application. I understood how to make it to the endgame. The crushing defeats and the soaring victories where unlike anything I'd experienced in a game before. Loosing at most games can make you feel frustrated, but only in Civ have I ever honestly felt "defeated." It's not a bad thing, I learned I could get back up on that horse and try again. Tweak a certain strategy and not get taken in so easily. But I'm not here just to gush about Civ V. In fact, we're leaving earth entirely.

You will believe a stone can float.

I, like many, was worried this was just a re-skinned sci-fi Civ V. All the in depth "let's play" videos seemed to look like that was the case. Plus, it's easy to understand what certain buildings do on earth. Granarys mean food, banks mean money. But a civil creche? And what the hell's a Xenoswarm? I spent the vast majority of my first game lost in translation, stumbling through the tech web for anything that could get me more health. My colony was starving. I still won by a hair, and that's only because I chose the harmony victory. That ended up being the most simple of all. But I'll get to that later. The takeaway here is that the first time through the game seems too similar and too different in all the wrong ways. But after going through it again and again, I got a sense for it's nuance, and began to appreciate the ways it jettisoned the things I hated the most about Civ V. For one?

Why did it take 2600 years of human civilization to be able to start a game with a worker instead of a soldier? I've ALWAYS wanted to do that. And that bought a lot of good will for me, but what's more, for the first time your chosen leader matters far less than your chosen loadout. You choose your city buff (all cites start with extra health, or money, or science, or whatever) starting unit, and special tec. Do you want to see the hidden natural resources ahead of time? Or would you rather start with a coastal map of the world? For once, you can radically change the first 100 turns of any game with these choices, and that's awesome.

But that comes at a price, and that price is the game's thoroughly shocking lack of leadership. 9 leaders?! Vanilla Civilization V had almost 3 times that. It quickly becomes boring seeing the same leaders game after game. It also caps the size of the biggest maps, because this game doesn't have enough leaders to fill them. They also say the same things over and over and OVER. Though Polystralia's sliver fox trade baron is so roguishly charming with his one line, I give him a pass.

What is surprisingly refreshing though, is that maps can be completely different colors. There are tan marshy planets, cool blue-purple oceanic planets, traditional greenish- orange forest planets. It honestly helps a lot to keep things fresh.

But the single thing I love the most about Beyond Earth is the tec web. For there is no longer a permanent arms race. If you get behind on technology, you don't have to scramble to keep up, you can simply change direction. That. F**king. Rocks. In Civ V you would have to rely on the painfully brittle espionage system to get more technology. Which was never much help, and almost never what I had wanted to do with spying. Which brings me to the second best thing about Beyond Earth: Espionage is now everything I ever wanted it to be.

Don't look at it too long... it'll look back into you.

Why hasn't anyone been talking about this? It's fantastic. You can set up colony wide buffs if you want to turtle up with counter- intelligence (which was what I always did in V) or branch out and set up contacts in other cities. From there you can truly sow bloody chaos. You can siphon off vast amounts of cash, science points, technology (again), and so much more. How bout' some defected military units? A straight up revolution? All this is possible and it adds a nail biting ticking clock onto the always laborious end game. Sure, I'm at turn 350 and I'm drowning in cash and goodwill. But what if my neighbor figures out I've been stealing money and soldiers from him for 200 years?

That could make things awkward.

The icing on the cake are the vastly different victory scenarios. Each of the 3 affinities (Jesus, I haven't even brought up affinities yet) have a unique win condition. each involve building a wonder and waiting for that wonder to switch on. Or at least, that's what the harmony victory needs. I have a feeling most critics went for that first. Because the purity, supremacy, and contact victories require a hell of a lot more.

I'm only going to spoil the contact victory. In order to make contact with another species of intelligent life, you need to construct "The Beacon." Not so difficult. But it needs to warm up for 30 turns. And it siphons all your extra money while it does so... AND every leader knows what you're doing when it switches on, AND now they're going kill you. You're gonna need one hell of a war chest, buddy.

I forgot her name, so I just call her "Science Grandma" now. I hope you'll do the same.

I loved Beyond Earth. I loved it to pieces. I'm seriously asking you guys not to read into the negativity. Though it's not without merit, the AI is still really passive and dumb most of the time, I think the game stands strongly on it's own. I'll happily switch back and forth between V and BE, because I believe they are vastly different games with much to offer. If I had to give it a score, I hate doing that, but if I had to it'd be an 8.5. Not an "unassailable masterpiece worthy" 9.5. Nor is it a "disappointing stumble from perfection" 8.5. But a "scrappy and lovable" 8.5. It's perfectly happy with what it's accomplished and not looking to make too many new friends.

That turns some people off, sure, but not every game needs to strive for perfection. It does it's job well in most regards even though it's clearly lacking in others. I'm fine with that. The good far outweighs the slight disappointment and the great is conspicuously absent from most reviews.  I honestly don't understand why there weren't promotional videos about spying. Because again... it's never been more fun to silently screw over your opponents.

So there you have it, I dug deep to find what was so "lacking" from the fan's perspective. I didn't find their evidence compelling. If a sci-fi Civ V sounds awesome to you, grab it right-the-hell now. If you were looking for a bigger and better Alpha Centauri... that's probably the problem right there.

So this is what it feels like to have money...

Thanks, Zephyr!

I've found myself with a smidge of a surplus this month, which means I get to have a little more liquor than I planned on having. And that I get to take a chance on a game that's had less than stellar reviews, but one I still wanna get my hands on.

That's gonna be The Evil Within, because I'll still pay good money for a pale imitation of Resident Evil 4. Even when Jackie Earle Haley's cashing a pay check, it'll still be fun to watch him work.

I'm also 4/5's of the way done with the Beyond Earth review, that'll be out tomorow.

Pinky swear.

Civ: Beyond Earth has beamed me up.

I can't remember what this guy's name is... but he's seriously just the best.

People have a lot of nasty things to say about BE. I... do not. I thinks it's great and for the first time in a long time, I think the negativity is more pessimistic group think, than legitimate issues. Is it just a re-skinned Civ V?

No! F**k off, the tech web alone should throw every veteran for a loop. And don't get me started on how almost no critic brought up how badass espionage is now. Because I will get started tomorrow... on a review.

Spoilers: it's gonna be positive.

I'm in my blue period.

I'm not one for depression, I'm usually too ADD to manage to get depressed. But today? Man, something (metaphysical) just cut me down at work and wouldn't leave me alone. Writing usually makes me feel better, or rather, like I'm accomplishing something. So that helps.

Civ: Beyond Earth is a lot of fun. It's not even close to the re-skinned carbon copy of Civ V the haters are saying. I'm guessing the guys that hate it the most either finished the harmony victory (which is pretty boring) and didn't try the robot-facist supremacy ending instead. You have to march a ton of soldiers through a warp gate while you fend off the other factions trying to pick them all off  and break your fancy gate. It was a fantastic spin I'd never played in Civ and I loved every second of my death march.

That cheered my little black heart up a smidge.

 I'm good, seriously. It's nothing an unreasonable amount of chips, salsa, gin, and sleep can't fix. G'night.

Borderlands, The Pre-Sequel! Review: Life on other planets.

I have been on board the Borderlands train since the light turned green in October 2009. The first was rough, but each DLC pack improved on itself. Each slowly refining it's sense of character and humor into something special. Something I could really appreciate. By no means a masterpiece, it was still a game I played into a bloody pulp.

Borderlands 2 was a massive step forward. Not just in graphics, but it also made the scant story elements of the previous game retroactively relevant. Borderlands 2 is a masterpiece. It didn't need a villain that compelling, but it had one. It didn't need to have so many great act breaking story moments, but it did. It didn't need to add four spectacular (well all right, Hammerlock's hunt was just ok) DLC packs making a 60 hour game exponentially longer. But they're there. It remains one of the best games I ever played, and as of now, steam says I played it for 499 hours over 2 years. Damn.

The Pre-Sequel had some big shoes to fill, even with tapered expectations. The guns all looked the same as 2, Gearbox wasn't even working on it, and all the trailers didn't make Elpis (Pandora's moon) look like a terribly interesting place to be, even after spending 499 hours staring at it. And honestly? It's not as good. Not even close.

But it's still very good, and in some subtle but important ways, better than either game before it. For one, the appallingly stingy vending machines of 2 have been reverted to BL1's standards of rarity. In 2; the loot in machines were almost always green, sometimes blue, hardly ever purple, and only once (once!) in 499 hours did I ever find something orange.

Behold.

Not so, anymore. Blues and purples abound, making money actually useful again. Moonstones, the new eridium, is more bountiful allowing you to max out your backpack and a couple of ammo stock piles halfway through the campaign. But they can be thrown into the grinder too, which is the single best thing about this game, and something that needs to be front and center in BL3. You have a bunch of green grenades? Pop them in the grinder and it just might spit out a blue one. Same goes for blue to purple loot, but that's the limit. There is a way, and an achievement, for grinding up an orange piece of gear, but it's nowhere near as straight forward. I love the grinder and soon you will too.

But what about the actual game? I happened to enjoy a lot of that too. I found the "SCAVs" a wonderful upgrade from the bandits in 2 (and who were mostly cut and pasted from 1 except for the nomads). They have wider battle rolls, employ flanking tactics, and have delightful Australian accents. The moon gravity and new stomp attacks are a welcome switch up that I'll miss in subsequent, non moon related, Borderlands games.

The only area that leaves me cold is the story and about a third of the environments. They both just kinda tread water. I like the younger, more reasonable, and less villainous Handsome Jack. But the story plays out as if half the time it wants to keep the twists from 2 a secret and half the time it doesn't. I was hoping for a deeper look at Jack and Angel's relationship. I'd watch a whole movie about that. But she only shows up in a picture (an admittedly spectacular picture, but still, boo.) on Jack's desk, a couple audio logs... and that's it. That really, really, bummed me out. I bet money that's what the DLC will be about, and by gum, I'll let them take my money. But for god's sake 2k Australia, why didn't you even tease that aspect of Jack? His relationship with his daughter (two year old spoilerz!!!!) is the single most interesting thing about him.

But I digress. Yes, Jack's arc is mostly stagnant. Yes, the first third of the environments are repetitive and kinda dull. But once you get back on the giant H, you won't care. The game opens up after that. Sure, you can't use your butt stomp as much anymore, you'e on  normal gravity turff. But this is when you start to notice how much work went into all the character's skill trees. Everybody is going to love their level 18 character. Because every skill tree has some cool keystone halfway through that dramatically changes the way you play.

You get warned if you choose to play as Clappy. Because you should be.

Claptrap has automatic freezing with his butt stomps (and save clappy for your second character... trust me, he doesn't leave you with a good first impression) Nisha starts racking up faster reload speeds for every enemy she kills within a clip, and so on. The "Borderlands only has passive skills" complaints have been answered. While they aren't new action skills, each tree for each character is markedly different now. As a grizzled old vet, I say that's a first, aside from Krieg and Gaige.

So yeah, this is a "fans only" kind of a game. Newbies should start from 2 at bare minimum. Just wait til' Steam sells the GOTY for $10 again, it's a hell of a deal. But if you are a fan, you're gonna at least get your money's worth.The series' heart and humor is intact, and the new ideas are successful and delightful in equal measure. The only thing holding 2K Australia back I feel, was budget, not passion. The game is about 4/6ths the length of 2, but it ends on a mother of a high note that makes it worth it. If you missed the Eridians from 1, like I did, you'll appreciate what goes on in the end. Especially the very end. It's the best final fight in the series.

In summation, a cash-in budget holds the pre-sequl back from standing out on it's own. But just barely. It's charmed voice performances and canny callbacks to the first game, give it a reason to exist. If all cash-in games were 2/3rds as good as this, the industry would be much better off. Just look at what they put into a poster you can barely read without a sniper rifle scope:

I love you guys.

Beyond Earth's launch trailer is among the best I've ever seen.

There is no in game footage, there is no glitzy approximation of gameplay. There is only the human cost of being chosen to escape a rotten earth and save our species. I was on the fence before; but if they're willing to spend this kind of dough on a CGI trailer that has almost nothing to do with science fiction... for a game that's all about high sci-fi, I now know their heart is in the exact place I wanted it to be.

I dare you to watch it and feel nothing.

I pre-ordered on the spot.

Ian Mckellen contines to shock and delight.

That is all.

So I finished the Pre-sequel...

And I liked it. I liked it a hell of a lot. It's not AS good as 2 but I thought it in the realm of Arkham Origins. Just a hair above "good enough" with a big heapin' helping of fan service. And as a fan I say the service was excellent.

But I'll elaborate in a review very soon.

Borderlands The Pre-Sequel: Charmed to death by "Joy-Puke".

"Hellooooooooooooo, transient blog readers!"

At first I was going through the motions. No, I don't think I have the money for the PS. No I'm not terribly jazzed about a past generation place holding cash in on one of my favorite series. But after spending twenty minutes on Pandora's moon as everyone's favorite emotionally needy robot, I'm back in the pink.

I love Borderlands, and while this is simply "more borderlands" I feel like lately I've forgotten how much I love the story and lore the first time around. It's been 2 years since BL2, and the sting of that game's shockingly good story beats dulled in my memory.

This is still the best written, most intentionally funny, role playing game in the industry. And guess what? The Eridians are back! What? You didn't play Borderlands 1? Well you won't get the customer loyalty bonus either... tough noogies.


Oh, and apparently there's a machine on Elpis that can eat 3 green guns and spit out a blue one. That fixes the single biggest problem with 2. The stupidly stingy loot system! I am so on board now...

Videogamer.com breaks embargo, warms my heart.

There's a lot riding on video game releases. Tens of millions of dollars, people's jobs, and critical public first impressions. I can see why they'd want to embargo a review until the day of release with a new IP like Evil Within.

I can understand why obsessive PR spin can feel like a job well done from the publisher's prospective. But it's gotten out of control and the leash needs to be loosened for the good of the industry.

That's why I'm glad Videogamer.com broke the review embargo and published their review two days early. They say it's because they weren't sent a copy and since they got theirs from a store, legally they aren't culpable. I'm sure Bethesda doesn't see it that way and this site is probably on an industry wide blacklist right now.

But they threw the first stone... and they won't be the last. I like where this ball is rolling.

Final Fantasy XIII on PC is a cruel joke.

Over-designed armor bikini feather exploooooosiiiiiiioooooon!!!!!!!!!!

Locked at 720p, wide spread reports of jerky framerate, and a 60 (goddamned) gigabyte download for a nearly 6 year old game.

No. Nuh-uh, Square.

We're happy you showed up to the party, but you gotta bring a cheap bottle of wine at least. And it would help if you looked like you wanted to be here, too.

Every USB device has been compromised. Seriously. Every single one.

According to The Escapist and the last Black Hat conference (a shindig where hackers try to be as hacky as possible) it was discovered  that you could rewrite a thumb drive's firmware and effectively take control of an infected computer. One example? Remote access to the keyboard. Did that prick your ears up?

The only silver lining is that new USB devices can be updated to fend off the exploit... but only new devices. All your old junk is vulnerable to an undetectable electronic equivalent to a zombie virus.

...Goodnight everybody! Sweet dreams.

Bojack Horseman: The Rewatch.

Thanks, showmesomthingugly!

It's a damn good show, and it's even better when you know where it's going. Bojack's neuroses are more obvious. His doomed schemes to keep what few friends he has in his life more cutting and tragic. You know what? That's what it is. This is a tragedy.

A show that clings to comic timing, but is ultimately about the horrifying futility in trying to change yourself. I liked the show when I watched it the first time, but now I genuinely respect it.

Ya'll seriously need to get past episode 2 already. It slowly morphs into something radically original. 

Randy Pitchford's car was hit with a bomb threat.

Pitchford, of Gearbox Software and Borderlands fame, was just a target of a seemingly toothless bomb threat. Police were summoned and Pitchford was not allowed back to his vehicle.

He has since made light of the event in this tweet.

As a Borderlands fan, I don't get it. So Colonial Marines was a massive insult. They should not have released it. That was a mistake, but a bomb threat?! Even filtered through the grotesque histrionics of gamer culture this is hard to understand.

Don't let them get to you Mr. Pitchford. The world needs Borderlands 3!

Review Watch: Alien Isolation.

This is actually pretty interesting. The mainstream sites (IGN, Polygon, Gamespot), are uniformly "meh" on the survival horror title. Whereas PCGamer, Joystiq, and The Escapist (which is reviewed by Jim Sterling, who I'm comfortable calling the Colbert/Ebert of gaming) are pretty glowing.

What's a girl to do? Well I sure as hell can't afford it right now... I'm not sure I can afford a new game this month at all. My Borderlands buddies are not gonna be happy about that. But personally I want to see the best in Isolation. And I kind of love the fact it's a lengthy 20 hour affair, instead of an 8 hour skirmish.

Seriously, Polygon? The most disappointing Alien game? You know I love you guys, but the self satisfaction is really starting to reek.

But I also used to think a 20 hour God of War game would be amazing... let's just say I've fallen asleep a couple of times trying to review Lords of Shadow. I don't know how or why that game is so stupendously dull, but finishing it twice was honest to god work.

So I dunno, I will play Isolation eventually... but not this year. Oh, and Evil Within? I just don't trust it. Every single preview of that thing I've read seems to break the writer's heart. So that's it for AAA horror games for the next several years.

Silent Hills better be the second coming.

Ray Donovan Mini Review: Death from Encouragement

I was going to do a full scale review of the first season of Ray Donovan, but... well... it's just not that good. I'm through 11 of the 12 and I like it, but I really can't recommend it. The premise is  compelling, an inside look at a Hollywood fixer, and whenever that's the focus the show shines. Ray's humiliating ways of dealing with stalkers and corrupt real estate agents are a scream. His rag tag team of rogues are also some of the most interesting parts of the cast.

But they get a fraction of the screen time. Room has to be made for Jon Voight as Ray's jail bird father as well as his wife (deadwood's Trixie! She's fabulous.) and two kids. There was plenty of material and talent in the Donovans to sustain maybe 5 episodes, but if I were to make a pie graph of total time spent on characters, Ray's immediates would have run off with 9. They stop being bearable after 6. The actors are fine but the story structure brings the show's momentum to a screeching halt.

I mean, it feels like they wanted the show to be more about Ray doing his job, but they ran out of ideas. It's inability to break out of the family's increasingly tedious cycle of calling Ray a monster and kinda-sorta forgetting about it, made me groan out load. That cycle happens at least 3 times.

This is for hard core Schreiber and Voight fans only. And only then if you don't mind seeing their talent wasted on boiler plate material half the time. When the show snaps out of it's family drama coma and decides to raise the action, it's wonderful. But the valleys outweigh the peaks, you know what I mean?

A potentially great show watered down into an ok show.

Filth Review

Filth is the kind of movie that does a lot of things wrong. The tone is all over the place, the plot feels like it's missing a quarter of necessary development, and it has a third act twist that's... actually the best plot twist I've seen in years. I mean, for better or worse, you won't see it coming.

But either way, this movie is not for the faint of heart and it doesn't give two sh*ts about your American sensibilities. I.E., you're gonna need subtitles to cut through the brogue. But if you like James McAvoy the way I do, you're going to love almost every second of this. Because he is amazing in almost every second of this.

McAvoy is Bruce, a Scottish police detective currently estranged from his apparently swinging wife. If he can secure a juicy promotion, she may let him see her and his child again. It's just a game they're playing and Bruce will do anything it takes. Not actual police work, mind, but the complete and total assassination of all his competitor's characters.      

The photography throughout is absotootly, posilootly, gorgeous.

Bruce is a delusional, paranoid, alcoholic, drug addled, manipulative, and physically abusive monster. But you won't be able to look away. Sometimes the people under his wrath are just as unsettling as he is, but mostly they're trusting innocents. I'm ashamed to admit how long it took into Eddie Marsan's con before I finally turned against Bruce. If you thought Marsan could pull off the lovable goofball in The World's End you're gonna love him even more in Filth. He'll beak your heart even more here, too.

McAvoy is electrifying. Charming and magnetic even when his life is crashing around his ears. He'd be a cartoonish villain, but winds up being a fascinating protagonist.

The movie is at it's best when it's hoping around in between the ancillary murder case and each of Bruce's long cons. But, and this is a common problem in plenty of legitimately great movies, there are third act problems. Imogen Poot's character becomes one of the most interesting points of the film. Unfortunatly there are only 15 minutes left by then and she hadn't really mattered for an hour and a half at least.

On the flip side, there is way too much of Jim Broadbent's psychologist. I mean, I love the guy, and I liked the "find the fish" vibe his scenes have, but man... a little goes a long way. Likewise, the flash hallucinations Bruce has sometimes where his collegues wear rubber animal masks gets overplayed. And that motif leads to the only stylistic choice that falls flat on it's face. It's the credits, and while I like the idea of it, it just doesn't work. You'll see what I mean.

Though I'll take a raucously original detective thriller that's only partially successful, than well made formula. Like I said, you've never seen anything exactly like Filth. Sure; it has lot in common with Trainspotters and such, but when was the last time you saw a druggie movie as fun as that? Right? It's been a while, hasn't it?

So if this is your bag, pour yourself a drink (it's recommended, but not necessary) and get your butt to Netflix.

The photography is, again, stunning.

Bye $50!

Shadow of Mordor is apparently hot sh*t. And while I'm just a fair weather fan of Jackson's work, I go where the talent takes me. And it looks like this studio is the next Rocksteady. An up and comer that makes a licensed game a near classic, something that has only ever happened once.

You win monolith Studios. You win my money.

I'm back in!

I've never cared about Battle.net until it called me a thief. Then I cared a whole hell of a lot. I'm not perfect, I've pirated stuff in years past, before being financially independent. And sure, sometimes I only look like I'm scanning my ridiculously expensive bag of coffee at the automatic check out and... why am I telling you this?

The point is I never took a dime from either Steam, Origin, or Battle.net, and I didn't appreciate being flagged over for a week long strip search. But I'm back in, all I had to do was whine at twitter for five days. And I wish I didn't have to. Whine, I mean. The thing is though, I'm much more into Dark Souls 2 again. And I'd much rather jump back into that for the umpteenth time then finish up Heart of the Swarm.

Oh well... I guess I never really wanted to get back in anyway.

Well google play... you got me.

For less than the price of taking a date to the movies, I can watch the whole last season of Ray Donovan. I really like Liev Schreiber. Seriously, listen to him on radio lab reading "The Distance of the Moon" That guy is a nerd in the most spectacular fashion. Yet the initial reviews kept me away from Ray, but I say it deserves a double take.

At least this way I know I'm going to watch it all... I'm literally invested.

Oh come ON Blizzard.

I'm fucked. Plain and simple. The help desk tweeted me back, gave me some advice that didn't work, and now I am thoroughly Rodgered. It's been 16 hours since their last reply. I've never been banned, or locked out, or anything from anybody. I've come to them now on bended knee, literally begging to be able to plead my case.

Say what you want about Origin or U-play, they've never done anything this personally insulting to
me.

The Kafkaesque feedback loop of Battle.net

Battle.net (Blizzard's Steam) went through some maintenance today and then decided to ban me. I barely use the sucker ( I got sick of Diablo 3, 6 months ago and only play star craft 2 single player once every 2 years.) and I just decided to pick up Heart of the Swarm. I was so close to finishing it and bam. Thanks a million, Blizzard. It may sound like I'm being a little snotty there and you're not wrong... but I'm also not finished.

To plead my case (which can take up to 10 days) I need to answer my security question and get an email authentication. Simple, those take seconds and I remembered my question. Only I must have triggered an email 20 times today, the first being 8 hours ago. It simply won't pop up. This happens to be the only way to contact Blizzard. Without an authenticator email I am effectively excommunicated. So now what? Tweet at them? That could take days if they ever even see it. Call them? The number just sends me back to the website.

So what the hell gives?! Is there  a bandwidth traffic jam for their maintenance day? Possibly. Will I ever spend money on battle.net ever again?

That's a really, really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeally, good question. 

So I was wrong about Outlander.

"Your teeth are amazing!" "Aye." "But why... and how?" "I don' ken."

I'm a guy. I'm not crazy into romance fiction, I doubt that makes me unique. But the problem is I used to think that I could like anything good. If enough people persuaded me, I thought I could appropriate art in almost every from. Unfortunately the first 3 episodes of Outlander left me a bit cold. God forbid this white male not be the target audience for once, but I wasn't, and I balked at being left out.

I was all "Jesus, another nurse the charming/chiseled/single warrior back to health scene?!" And the show was all "Yeah, that's how this is gonna go." The show being the absorbing period piece of 18th century Scotland that it is, I still couldn't let go.  

But I've blogged extensively on Breaking Bad and other great, but male dominated, shows without thinking about how unnecessary the female roles in them can be. Likewise, I began to get frustrated when Jamie Fraser became a little too noble/broken/stupendously desirable. Though well acted and written he felt so... contrived. And then I began to eat serious crow about female characters much like Jamie, which I had defended as not being too much. 

It's not just a damn good costume drama that stirs my Scottish roots sumthun' fierce... I honestly think it's making me a better person.

I just felt I had to say something, because the central antagonist just got his first big episode and he is a masterclass in calculated false humility. As far a cry as you can get from his two dimensional rapist in the pilot. That was my last huge problem "I could really use a compelling villain right about now..."  I said.

"Choke on this 100 on 100 lashes scene" They said.

"I will endeavor to do so, sirs!" I said.

Yes that is Edmure Tully.

...So watch Outlander, I guess. I'm pretty damn into it now.