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Saturday, September 9, 2017

F**k it. I'm bored.



Good news and bad news. Good news is I've got a job with one of my all time favorite managers at his new restaurant if I want it. Bad news is those full time, paid vacation, heath care, and 401k having leasing assistant jobs are gonna leave me twisting in the wind for a week and a half before they cut me loose. Also my technical writing course was canceled from lack of interest... BUT I got my $2000 back!

So now what? Destiny 2 seems to be getting decent reviews and lord knows I'd take an even mediocre looter/shooter right now. The PC version comes out in.... OCTOBER?!  Fine. 30 fps PS4 version it is. For the record, when you google Destiny 2 PC release date it says the 6th. Get on that, Bungie.


Friday, September 8, 2017

Bojack Horseman Season 4 Review: "just a big waste of time."




No matter how much you like a show, no matter how long it manages to be exceptional, gravity exists in the creative world and it always catches up. Thrones was fun this year but it just seems so exhausted now. Kimmy Schmidt was on auto pilot half the season. It took me 2 months to bother finishing it when I had devoured it's first season twice by that time. The Defenders was a administrative decision in dire search for a reason to exist. Deathnote is just... awful. I don't know the first thing about the anime but I know that a production that refuses to fire a embarrassingly amateur lead actor should never been given that kind of budget.

So thank the sweet lord in heaven Bojack's back. The darkest, weirdest, most devastating, and delightful show I've ever seen came back swinging. The first two episodes this season are perfect compliments of each half of it's dueling personality.



First there's Mr. Peanut Butter's random as heck run for Governor of California. Which for a distressingly long time seems to point to a more realistic downturn for a character who has managed to simply stumble into fame and fortune at every turn. It takes the show's most lovable character and basically uses him to illustrate America's issues with blind populism. While turning the gubernatorial race into a skiing competition may sound like Bojack's more fanciful outings; it's brutally honest about the mockery of the democratic process that would have to happen to make that a reality. It's horrifically plausible to boot and I look forward to what I hope is a villainous turn for PB. Paul F. would murder it.



The second almost lost me as the "fixing a house/fixing your life" metaphor is tired stuff even if it involves anthropomorphized alcoholic horses. Bo's gone to his grandmother's summer lake house which is identical to the one in his fantasy of the life he wished he'd lived with Charlotte... located in the town of "Harper." The depth of Bojack's continuity continues to impress. But again, fixing up a house filled with flashbacks to the 40's (solid casual sexism and polio jokes aside) goes exactly where you expect it to. Bojack's abusive mother had one all her own and it takes almost the entire episode for it to pay off. Good goddamn does it pay off, though. I didn't realize Bo's grandma was Jane Krakowski because I've never heard her act her ass off like this before.

4 years later it amazes me that a show can have characters with names like Governor Woodchuck Couldchuck Berkowitz and still manage to haunt me. I thought I might sip and savor this season. Cut back to two a day... make it last... yeah, no. I've been waiting 14 months for this.


Thursday, September 7, 2017

Big Mouth. Looks. Amazing.



An murderer's row of comedy talent, a lavish animation budget, and a maddeningly untapped well of brutally honest puberty jokes. I just watched the teasers an hour ago and now I am all about this. Pre-teens are sick, sick, muthers and it's high time we made brutally honest fun of them to the caliber of 90's Simpsons. Because that's how funny these trailers look:





And if that's not enough, Jordan Peele's credit is for the "ghost of Duke Ellington." You know you wanna see that.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Well... Damn.


Just had a hell of a week hanging out with a friend's extended family. It was fantastic. But you know what's not fantastic? Coming back from a 7 1/2 hour drive thinking about the burrito you want for dinner and seeing a flat instead. On Labor day so... nothing to be done about it as I'm fresh out of spares. I don't think someone slashed it, there's plenty of parking. But if that was the case, it's good to know they think I'll call their bluff for a few days before doing anything about it.



Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Off to Ohio.



Chef buddy of mine has a family reunion in Ohio on Friday and asked if I wanted to drive up with him. He said my liver would fear for it's safety and I said "hell yes it should." I'll be back on the 4th!


Monday, August 28, 2017

So Hollow Knight's finale is a beast...

kartaZene!
 ...And maybe the prevailing wisdom on the ideal charm loadout isn't panning out for you. The idea you can have a huge health pool and spam magic seems reasonable but I got my ass kicked at least 14 times. That wasn't me. I needed to be able to heal, but how do you do that when 90% of the screen is full of angry magic knives?*

This really did the trick for me (thanks reddit):


Double heal, mixed with rapid heal, the shape of Unn so you turn into a 'lil' mobile slug when you heal, and Grubsong. Because you should never EVER unequip Grubsong. Took down the bastard in 2 tries after that.



*spoiler?


Thursday, August 24, 2017

Hollow Knight Review: Death Wears a Mask



 It's been months since I started Hollow Knight. It's taken me 30 hours to reach 95%. That was time which has flown by in the way only my favorite games can manage. I've just tracked down the last charm on my list. It turns my dodge move into an attack. That's not an upgrade or even a variation on the other charms. It is wholly unique and I can see myself spending an hour mix and matching my loadout to get it to fit.

The charms are only a small part of this "metroidvania" but like every other part, it's a tiny miracle. There are no "bad" or "cheap" builds. Every combination can work if you know how to use it. They are never about getting better, or stronger, or faster... well not just about that. They are puzzle pieces that will eventually come together to create the perfect way you choose to play the game. There are multiple clever loadouts for exploration, for bosses, and for the maddening platform challenges near the end. Basically if you're stuck you only have your lack of imagination to blame.

...did it though?

Man, it's hard to talk about this game because I want to gush about it all. There's almost nothing it does I haven't either appreciated or even loved. I don't want to come on too strong, but I've waited for a game like this for so long. Something that not only approaches Symphony of the Night but damn near bests it.

SOTN is still damn good but it has a kitchen sink approach to design I've never really respected. If there's a remotely Gothic monster you've heard of its in that game without rhyme or reason. It's not a knock against it, but if a game came along that tried harder... that created a fascinating yet cohesive bestiary... and was about a society of high fantasy insects... I should cool it with the ellipses and get to the point.

When I was a 3rd of the way through I was pretty sure it was one of the best games I played this year. When I had mapped out the entire world I was certain it was my game of the year. When I turned it upside down and shook out every last drop of equipment to help me take down the showstopping motherf**ker that is the secret final boss I knew someone was getting knocked off my top 5. Of all time. Don't give me that look, I do not 100% games for no reason. My steam profile says I only reach the end of 33% of those I own and I am a CHEAP Scotch Irish mofo. I get my money's worth.

 The combat is tight and endlessly malleable. There are strength builds and mage builds. Builds that focus on evasion and healing. Builds that disable healing in exchange for a massive health pool. There's a lot to work with and I'll give you an example. There's a charm you can come across fairly early in the game that, after you finish healing a health notch, makes a cloud of spores that damages enemies over time. That charm never stops being amazing because so many other charms effect how you heal. There are tons of situations where that cloud is more useful than actually healing. Mostly in the Arena of Fools, a place that could take up it's own paragraph if I was feeling super spoilery. Basically, it's a part of the game that's so good it could have been $10 DLC and it would have been worth it. Seriously.


Butterflies!


You ever find a book, or a film, or a work of art that feels like it was made just for you? That you feel lucky to have stumbled across and the world feels just a teensie bit more magical because of it? It's a difficult feeling to describe without coming off as... manic and it's important to explain the different ways that happened to me. So here we go:

First it's a metriodvania at heart and that will always make my ears prick up. The world is a maze that slowly unfolds around you as you explore it and then gain new powers that help you find even more powers. That loop can keep me hooked for weeks and it's way harder than it sounds to get this genre right. HK stands on the shoulders of literally hundreds of pale imitations. Castlevania itself tried and failed for 15 years to bottle SOTN's lightning again. It's also learned all the right lessons from Dark Souls. Another series I love that invented it's own genre. Tough, but fair, combat in a desolate world beyond saving. It's lore doled out in disjointed, but tantalizing, tidbits while it lets its stunning environmental design speak for itself.

       Imagine a Studio Ghibli film that starts off cute, becomes melancholy, then ends up silently screaming in agony for the final 20 minutes.

 Hollow Knight is not just the perfect synthesis of both those genres. It's hand drawn style and wonderfully written characters give the world a personality and sense of humor that I find lacking in the vast majority of video games. This could have been an animated series if it wanted to and it would have been excellent. A darker, funnier, Secret of Nimh.  Each episode would have followed the knight as it runs into different members of the cast as they both explore the Hallownest. Quirrel would be the supportive best friend, Zote, a jealous old coot, Hornet, the combative rival... I could go on.

And I will. They would see what they want to see in the knight's hollow eyes, never really knowing what it's up to or what it's been through... or what it is. Yep. I've enjoyed my time with Hollow Knight so much I'm fan fic-ing. That's a first. I don't know what's gotten into me.

I'm getting preachy again, so now is the perfect time to get brutally honest. The first 3rd is a little too easy and a little too straightforward. I put it down for almost 2 months because I disastrously underestimated how awesome it's mid-to-end game content is. There are frayed strands at the secret edges of the map that could use some tightening. The super meat boy-esque platforming at the end will drive tons of players away and I don't have a lot to say to prove them wrong. The White Palace is a HARSH mistress, but I felt like a badass for finishing it and only looking up youtube solutions once.

It's rare to come across true labors of love. Even rarer to find labors of love that are this... dare I say "masterful?" I don't want to get anyone's expectations out of whack but the fire hot intensity of my fandom ain't nothing. I haven't had this much fun breathlessly exploring a game since either the original Dark Souls or Rapture. You want to tell me this isn't one of the best games of the last 8 years, fine. There are sound reviews out there that are 7/10. But the Hallownest is one of the most romantic and interesting places gaming has ever produced. Period. Your opinion will rest on how much you can get caught up in this doomed world of talking bugs. I'm pretty sure you can guess where I stand.

Dream on, Team Cherry.