The best season of Bob's Burgers has been Netflixed!

Christ, it's been a long time, but season 4 of Bob's Burgers is on Netflix. Fort Night, Mazel-Tina, Seaplane, Equestranauts! All the best an already great show has to offer. It took an extra 6 months but it's ready... are you?!

Yes. Yes you are. Get moving.

I basically made Alexander Dumas in Obsidian's Pillars of Eternity

Look. Just look at that smug, magnificent, bastard.

Even though these isometric RPG's aren't my thing, there was no way I wasn't going to throw money at Obsidian entertainment. That rag tag group of badasses that have stuck stoically/suicidally to having story matter most in their games at the expense of graphics and stability. They also made the remarkably true to form South Park: The Stick of Truth. A game so deeply in love with it's source material I'd recommend it to people who've never picked up a controller before. They've also made my favorite game, just... period. My favorite game. I love them so much, I'm willing to venture outside of my comfort zone into really really dense high fantasy.

But it's their really really dense high fantasy. Built from the ground up by a bunch of writers, Chris Avellone included. The dude who is, for my money, the best open ended story teller that's ever written. But enough about that, today I found favorite character portrait I've yet seen. I was gonna do a ho-hum, sword and board, knight... but then I came across this roguish and dapper sum-b*tch. I love it so much that I vow I'll plow through Pillar's alleged 60 hour run time based on that alone.

Trevor Noah certainly is a human being...

This is gonna get weirder before it gets better, huh?

While he certainly wasn't my first choice to take over The Daily Show, I do think he's a canny one. Or he was, anyway. I mean... listen, we all say dumb and horrible sh*t at low points in our lives; but this instance of twitter biting a public figure right in the big break is becoming more tedious than tragic.

It just keeps happening! To the point where I think we shouldn't take most of them at face value. Though that one about the money man behind all successful rappers is pretty gross. I don't really know what to make of that. My point is, if you don't think getting an internationally recognized position like the Daily Show wouldn't make him straighten up and fly right... you're crazy. And instead of burning an alleged sexist in effigy; what if this time we tried to educate and reform some of his beliefs?

But on the other hand, he was 30 when he wrote those tweets, it's not like he's some young upstart playing with fire to get attention. So... hmmm.

Well now I'm cross-eyed.

As for his more anti-Semitic tweets I don't think they're an issue. Or rather, I'd think Stewart could smell one of those a mile off. And if he didn't get the last say on who replaces him I'd really be surprised.

Is he sexist? I dunno. I don't know South African culture very well. We'll just have to see how this shakes out.

The Claptastic Voyage has a fantastic original song!

I can't find a production credit for it anywhere, but know that I appreciate their hard work. It's a song about functionally impressive hardware that is probably not at all about sex and/or penises.

I've listened to it 8 times already.

Spectre Teaser: Family Bonds.

Yes. The score is just perfect. Structurally familiar but tonally revolutionary. Christoph Waltz is now absolutely Blofeld. And I'm absolutely stoked.

Absolutely.

Mr. White! How the hell are you?

The Sony PS4: Fist bump friendly.

I did not think I'd be this pleased with the PS4. Mainly because I was so late to the ps3 party my PC had long left it in the dust. Plus mainlining Uncharted 2, Resistance 2, Red Dead Redemption, and Infamous left a sour taste in my mouth. They should have been savored, except for Resistance 2 that was... weak tea by the time I played it. Anticipation and a staggered release schedule is really important to appreciating the medium, I realized.

But what I've got right now is a free download code for The Last of Us (bout' time I played that again) and Bloodborne. Sweet. Jesus. Lord, do I have Bloodborne. A killer-er app there never was. Hunting werewolves in a Victorian dystopia with a chain-whip cane-sword has never been more maddeningly addicting.

Yes. This game is worth $460.

But about the system itself? It was plugged in, updated, and ready to go in less than 20 minutes. Kudos. It seamlessly allows for wiki-diving during Bloodborne's egregious loading screens, double kudos. And finally, I noticed there was a headphone jack on the controller. Could it be? Was there a simple preference setting that could let me jack in without cold calling best buy for random adapters to ultimately achieve maximum neighborliness? Kudos upon kudos upon kudos.

This is going to work out great. Also, I'm never going to not fist bump the console's motion sensor to turn it on.

Ps4? This is gonna happen.

I better have to wear shades, though. Promise me.

Barring disastrous Bloodborne reviews, which does not seem remotely likely, I will have a brand new console come Tuesday. This is going to be the Bloodborne machine... possibly the Persona 4 device as well. Maybe even The Order contraption once that series gets off the ground in 2-4 years. My point is, if Micrsoft has a game worth selling it's going to hit PC. And despite SONY's financial troubles they still seem dead set on making... well, games.

For every Fable there's a Bloodborne and an Infamous. For every Halo there's a Persona and an Uncharted. If I had to get a console, there really isn't any contest.

Did I do it? Did I selfie? I don't care. Thanks, Redbubble!

Nice shower curtain, dingus. Bet it's got stratum upon stratum of mildew.

This new "body covering" is indeed, most "splendid." Kinda smells like bubble gum, though. Not sure if that's a problem either.

Tales from the Borderlands: Episode 2 was worth it.

It's been twice the wait Tell Tale promised us, as I'm sure Troy Baker's dance card overfloweth, but Atlas Mugged is up and I finished it almost immediately. You should pick it up now while the price is down.What's here is easily worth $30 if you're a mild Borderlands fan.

Come on, Bloodborne, you're leaking all over the internet!

Guess what? Edge Magazine's review of Bloodborne leaked. As a Journalism minor I should drone on about the death of print media and the insult this adds to it's injuries... but this is BLOODBORNE. The purchase of a ps4 is riding on this verdict.

And I have to know.

Back to the Lighthouse: Thoughts on Bioshock Infinite after putting it down for a whole year.

There was a time I threatened to make Infinite my 2013 game of the year. I should have made a similar threat for 2014, but to be honest... nothing jumped out at me and the heavy hitters ultimately broke even. Inquisition was two good halves of one great game as the open world devoured half of it's story. Beyond Earth is at least one comprehensive expansion pack away from being anything special. And Dark Souls 2, while being a damn fine game in of itself sits in it's predecessor's shadow a bit too much; though it's subtle tweaks to the death formula and it's central town were wonderful.

Wait... what were we talking about?

Right!

I love Infinite. Too much, honestly. As I said before, I tried to give it my goty when no one else would. After the initial influx of perfect review scores the tide turned sharply. I wanted to link to the IGN review, but they walked it back to a 9.4. It was a 10 two years ago. That's how swift and angry the backlash was. People were furious. But when aren't gamers furious? After a couple weeks Infinite's place in history was set, cooled by months and months of contrarian cynicism. Do I sound bitter? I should. I'm insanely bitter.

I wanted to write an article that was confident. Something so sure of the game's merits that I wouldn't be bothered by the fact that this was the game people decided to complain about finding loot and food in trash cans. I believed Infinite became a symbolic target for things critics had tired of. My article kept devolving into mini tirades. I was jumping into the cheap seats and throwing punches.

Now that I've booted it all up again and enjoying it all again, I find myself picking at the old wounds.

Like how vigors felt tacked on to most folks. People thought they weren't integrated into the story enough. They were brand new! The story of vigors was the story of plasmids because they were literally the same thing stolen from Rapture. People didn't have time to get all tumory yet. And Colombia's implementation of shock jokeywas a hell of lot more sensible then what Rapture ever made of it.

But I concede the game has flaws. Many, in fact. But all sins are forgiven in my eyes because it manages to be so convincingly weird. With the right story and characters you can go anywhere and do anything. Even kill sky racists while traveling through time and space.  I especially love how well it treats faith. Not just zealotry. I believed the Colombians believe in Comstock. Their murmured prayers, the way they policed their friends, and their stunning monuments. The flooded church where Booker's rocket lands and the choral version of "will the circle be unbroken" gave me the closest thing to a religious experience a piece of entertainment ever will. No other game has captured the beauty and the horror of blind faith so powerfully.  Oh... I just got the symbolism of the blind baptizing priest. Christ, that took me long enough didn't it?

But one thing that bothered me the most was the twist surrounding Booker's identity.

Spoilerz.

As if ya'll don't even know.

I thought they cheated. Using a different voice actor, a cheap poly involving the Lutece field artificially aging Comstock, a general lack of evidence and foreshadowing. But I was wrong. It's actaully much better put together than the whole Atlas/Fontaine twist. If I was really paying attention the first time I could have figured it out!

For one, in the beginning Comstock knew everything about Booker. He knew about the mark on his hand, he knew he served at wounded knee, he knew about his daughter.

Two, at the hall of heroes it claims Comstock did everything Booker did at wounded knee. Comstock even brought Booker's old commander, Slate, along to Colombia.

Three, aside from the running theme of baptism and remaking ones' self you hear about in all of Comstock's audio logs; they totally set up the concept of the exact same person being two different people in different worlds. How?

Come on, Redbubble. This shirt's been in "manufacturing" for 5 days!!!"

It was all there... I'm so proud of you Bioshock! You know, Fitzroy's lack of evolution notwithstanding. But rendering your entire trip to Finkton with a hole in the universe was actually devastatingly cheap, for the record.

Sid Meier's Starships, impressions.

Do you want to fly around in space, currying favor with hundreds of planets while building an unstoppable armada in direct competition with other civilizations for control over the entire galaxy? Then you want SMS. It's a stand alone tablet game that's also on steam, she ain't winning any beauty contests, that's for sure. But I  love me some tactical combat with a race to be the most influential fleet mixed in.

It's solid, don't believe the negative nancy's in steam reviews. Come on, guys... SPACESHIPS!

Sir Terry Pratchett, Warrior Poet, Dead at 66.

He leaves behind a staggering catalog of beloved material, of which nothing but a few interactive exceptions are remotely worthy. I get that rock stars burn brightest and shortest, but novelists are supposed to stick around forever! As a distant admirer of his work, (I only read Good Omans to completion and that was a duet) You didn't need to dive too deep into the Discworld wiki to find a bevy of intricate and fascinating characters. He's also one of very few authors to get me to laugh out loud. Anything more than a bemused "Huh... yeah." when I'm wearing my serious book-time serious pants is the work of real talent.

Just say counterweight continent out loud and try not to enjoy yourself. Can't be done.

Hey, guess what? Powers dosn't suck! I have the pilot to prove it.

Sharlto Copley's American accent isn't laughable, neither is Adam Godley's, and I'm pleased as punch both these dudes have work. This project has been to development hell and back, so there are a couple scars you'll need to overlook to appreciate it. The thing is positively dripping in exposition, the CGI is less than convincing, and it sticks rigidly to the police procedural formula. But Eddie Izzard is essentially Hannibal Lector... again, I guess. But that's something I can't get enough of.

The acting is competent, the story, decent. It's ok. The water's fine. Have a drink:

This season of Archer is mixed, but one episode makes it all worth it.

For just a few seconds, we see Lana as a teenager on her way to a science fair. It felt like a a cutaway gag, but I didn't get the joke.

Here's Aisha Tyler at the same age.

The Kanes is the best episode of Archer in 2 years. Not only are CCH Pounder and Keith David on deck as her Berkley academic parents, but you also get the funniest drunk Archer ever. After half a season coolly tolerating what I thought was a pretty steep downswing for the series, I remember why I love this show. It's when they make meaningful character arcs in the service of an espionage yarn. It's when they throw in wonderful Easter eggs like above. It's when Archer meets Lana's parents for the first time in a fancy restaurant, passes out, and pulls the table cloth and settings onto the floor as slowly as humanly possible.

My rebate is just enough for a ps4... and a certain march exclusive.

I told myself over and over that I wasn't going to do it. No matter how much I loved both Dark Souls, no matter how fuggin' amazing Bloodborne looked, I wasn't going to take the bait. But I'm weak. 400-500 dollars has fallen into my lap courtesy of the NC department of revenue and depending on where the reviews fall... I may do something selfish and irresponsible.

But what else is new?

The Last Man on Earth Review: This is a man's world.

And lo, from the ashes of Parks and Recreation, another alumnus from SNL rose to take up the mantle of best American comedy show ever. Last Man on Earth has the confidence and pacing of a tight 90 minute movie, but has it's eye on sticking around for good while. It's really hard to explain how expertly it mixes up Will Forte going hilariously, yet endearingly, insane. Without spoilers anyway. The only issue at all is that by the end of the double pilot I'm worried its used up the A material and that all that's left is to go down hill. Even so, that's going to be a long way down.

Describing how Forte spends years in solitude after almost every single person on earth dies (and seemingly evaporates) ruins the punchline. The myriad ways he soldiers through his boredom and loneliness is the funniest physical comedy this side of Macgruber. But why that isn't this generation's Caddy shack is a whole 'nuther rant for a whole 'nuther time.

But the show has a lot more on it's mind than letting Forte spread his adorable little comedy wings. There's real vulnerability in his one sided chats with god that makes you sit back and appreciate the suicidal depression bubbling just under the shtick. The man can act and while he doesn't carry the show on it's own (SPOILERS!) he could have for one or two more episodes.

"There's really no wrong way to use a margarita pool."

It's when Kristen Schaal joins the mix that the post apocalyptic battle of the sexes kicks off. They're absolutely perfect for each other. You could produce hours upon hours of comedy gold with them just bickering at each other. And apparently they have. At first she comes off as a bit of a nag, but then I realized I'd empathized with Will too much. Her reactions to his crushingly pitiful state are perfectly warranted. While she has her fair share of screws loose herself, she's much more rational and forgiving than he deserves.

There may be think pieces written on the possible misogyny of her character, but I think she's pretty great as is. Though her manic need to get married is admittedly... pretty gross.

But I can't remember a comedy being this good out of the gate. It's Groundhog Day with sexual politics and I've re watched it twice now. Everything from the set design, to the score, to the dialogue is as top as shelfs can get. It's really high on the shelf, guys.

Anything happen while I was out yesterday?

Anything? Nothing!? Really...

Arkham Knight Trailer: Jumping, John Nobles, Batman!

The Arkham games have made me an unofficial batman fan through sheer force of awesomeness. I have sunk absolutely ridiculous amounts of time into all three. I bought Arkham City twice. I even think, given a few more months, Origins could have been the best of them all.

To say the least, Arkham Night, you had me before John Noble as Scarecrow. Good god, damn, do I love John Noble. As long as there isn't a bait and switch like in Origins (I.E. Black Mask is the big bad until, SURPRISE! it's really the joker) and he gets equal screen time with the eponymous "Arkham Knight" This could be an all timer. Even more than "City" already is.

Tomorrow, Vote Knope.

Parks and Rec is leaving us tomorrow and I'm sad. Not just because P&R writer and bit player Harris Whittles was found dead recently, but because this is also the end of a show I've loved to no end. Seriously, I've re-watched it on Netflix countless times. The whole way through at least 4 times.

While The Office chose to laugh at it's band of weirdos, P&R laughed with them. It was a heightened reality leavened with just enough tragedy and set backs to feel real. Each character was sharply drawn and made sensible seasonal arcs. In the end, each is almost a completely different person, yet it earned those dramatic transformations while simultaneously getting funnier.

Years from now I bet you money we'll still be talking about this show. While I love both 30 Rock and Community neither were a fraction as consistent, and if I'm being brutally honest, as lovable. This has been one of the all time greats, even if this past season hasn't been as good as I hoped. It still told a good story and already closed long time character arcs in spectacular fashion.

I'm going to miss this show like an old friend and I've never really felt that way about a bunch of episodes of TV before.

What's going on at The Escapist?

First Jim Sterling and his wonderful Jimqusition web series jumped ship some months ago. A crushing blow to their site, seeing as there was nearly always an ad for it on the sidebar. It seemed amicable at first. Jim seemed like he didn't like the direction the site was going, ad revenue wise, and drummed up a juicy patreon stipend to keep his site up.

Now "Movie" Bob Chipman is out, another third of the only reason I go to the Escapist. And this time, from the tenor of his words, it sounds like he was straight up fired. You can read all about his thoughts though his blog in my side bar.

According to some decently researched forum posts, it may just be budgetary layoffs. But I've dove through the comments on both Jim and Bob and I'm not entirely sure it isn't based off of market research. Both of these men came out against Gamer Gate. Thunderously so. And many commenters were more than happy to see them go. A lot of "sad you got fired, but your screeds on how we shouldn't make female game developers feel like prisoners in their homes was beyond hitler-ific."

...In so many words.

I may be grasping at straws, I may also see Yahtzee on youtube soon. Very soon indeed.

Citizens of Earth: This got a 70 on metacritic because... why now?

I don't just like this game, I may be falling madly in love with it. The combat is deep and counter intuitive. Any rpg that wipes out my party when I'm not giving it my full attention has my respect. You MAKE me pay attention COE! You make me scrounge around town for clues on how to get another party member so I can kick the opposition leader's ass! Because now I respect you. Now I can get into your delightfully childlike views of how political power works. Like recruiting bakers, police women, school teachers, and conspiracy nuts to beat the physical crap out of the opposition leader! I am all about that madness.

Just turn off the voices. The acting quality bats 300.

I don't know why this is brilliant, and yet it is so.

Better Call Saul Review: The Ballad of Slippin' Jimmy.

BCS is... good. Better than I feared, but worse than I'd hoped. When everything clicks, it's not as good as Breaking Bad, because it's finally doing it's own thing. It's black and white opener in the present captures his new personal hell brilliantly. And being a general manager at a random mid-west Cinnabon is exactly that. There is beauty in making mass produced cinnamon rolls and the only reason I know that is because High Bridge's (Gilligan's company) photography is still the best in the biz.

From there we flash back to 2001 and we see a younger Saul in a different, somehow more depressing, suit. He tries his damndest to win an  unwinable case only to wind up with a third of what he expected to take home on his check. But that's just misdirection. This is not going to be about building a vast, profitable, empire. This going to be about a shell of a man finding his mojo.

Saul's life is beyond pitiful. His office is a storage closet in the back of a nail salon (wink and\or nod) He pretends to be his own receptionist, his public defense work is slowly killing him, and his brother's agoraphobic fear of electromagnetic waves means Saul's his unofficial nurse. Also the only prospective clients he's had in weeks went behind his back and signed with a much more successful firm.

The set up is decently entertaining but it feels like that's all it is. The new universe it created was fine but it took forever for the show to start telling a story with it. Thankfully, once Saul comes across a pair of competent, but short sighted, con artists I got what I wanted. A glimpse at the oily professional I came to see. From there we get to the "con gone wrong" story carried into episode 2, but I'll stop there.

What's here is good, with the potential for greatness. The handful of musical montages throughout the first two episodes remain brilliant. Instead of an incessant, irritating, motif. I mean, I'm just... done with American Horror Story.

 Odenkirk found the extra layer of humanity for Saul that the show desperately needed. The anticipation and release on his face every time he checked his empty voice mail were achingly perfect. His reaction to another lawyer walking into the courthouse bathroom while he was in the middle of his psyche-up speech "It... it's from a movie." actually got me to laugh out loud. Something I never do while wearing my serious show serious pants.

But it has to shake off those first season yips. It needs to double down on the lawyering/con artist angle and not re-tread the "in over his head with the cartel" storyline it's already set up. If it can do that, I'll be first in line every week. If it does the other thing... well, it's still a damn good show anyway. I just won't stay up to date every week.

And then I remembered I was out of pastel collared shirts...

Thank you Cracked.com. You say what I'm thinking.

They call them "chocolate" so you can't smell the bullsh*t.

You ever shopped for jewelry for that special someone and you look at the tags for the cheap stuff and a shooting pain runs through your arm? And after the paramedics leave you contemplate the very idea of  currency you can't literally use or eat?

I have! And Cracked.com made a hell of a video illustrating my point.

The Man from UNCLE looks like too much fun.

In a world that takes all the wrong lessons from the success of Christopher Nolan, Guy Ritchie shines as a beacon of agenda-less fun. His Sherlock's were fun. All his movies are, more or less. TMFU could have been a grumpy, remember this show?, paint by numbers meal ticket. It's not. There's no way this trailer is selling a facade. It's got campy 60's thriller in it's bones and I want it. I want it right fuggin' now.

When's the Kingsmen come out?

The Vanishing of Ethan Carter? Yeah... it's pretty damn great.

It's somehow more beautiful than a picture. How the hell did they do that?

I'm just 1 hour and 2 puzzles in and I'm hooked. Sure it's beautiful, a lot of games are beautiful. Sure, the game cribs a lot from Lovecraft, that's going around these days. This game is what I wish a lot of what I've played lately were, compelling.  The acting is good, the story is better and I could go on an uneventful walk in this virtual wood for hours. I wouldn't even have to stumble on a failed ritual sacrifice to stay interested.

But I've said too much. It's $10 on steam right now. Get your otherworldly murder mystery fix.

Step into my office.

Work's been hell.

I chose to take up an unreasonable amount of shifts at the restaurant during a week everyone and their mother was in town for one of multiple conventions. In other words, I've spent the last 4 days running around a mosh pit screaming at the top of my lungs.

I... need a minute.

The rebooted, slightly longer, and astonishingly even bloodier history of the Whalfast Estate.

I like Darkest Dungeon, I like it lots. But I also like things that hurt me often and needlessly, read into that as much as you want. I'm getting better at it... or at least I think I'm getting better at it. I'm becoming concerned I'm not improving as much as I'm getting lucky.

While the cruel wheel of fate that is this game's turn by turn dice roll makes every second absorbing, one bad fight can positively ruin an entire party. Erasing the majority of your progress, and leaving you with nobody but rookies to tackle the over leveled missions that remain.

When DD decides to stack the deck against you, it practically seals you in a wine cellar. In other words, I don't think this game's being as fair as say, XCOM, or Dark Souls. Maybe it shouldn't be. But I live for rougelikes like this and I've never felt so blatantly abused before. What I mean is, it's hard to develop a strategy when a couple missed strikes and one enemy critical hit make them all moot.

I hope DD learns to play with it's food more in the future.

The short and bloody history of the Whalfast Estate.

My family, my legacy, my decades old meticulously curated/alphabetized porn stash... all gone.

Well... damn. Darkest Dungeon has pimp slapped me harder than I'd dared hope. I had a man down in the tutorial.

The tutorial!

I've never started a game over in less than 5 minutes before. After an hour in, I'd lost my original crew, thankfully I never liked my plague doctor (who can't actually heal you) and my leper proved to be more badass than a man with a terminal degenerative condition has any right to be. Seriously, he shouldn't be able to walk straight.

This game is designed to humble. Programed from the ground up to break your heart. I say it has done so. For an "early access" game this sure feels like a full release. I I bet it falls apart in the end game, though.

So if you feel like chipping in 20 bones to be part of the tester army... and it looks like it's already Steam's top seller, do it. It's a steal at twice the price. Seriously, I'd happily pay $40 for this kind of strategical turn based agony.

Happy 5th, Nerdist!

I've been a huge Chis Hardwick fan since at least 2010. And since 2010, I've also become a fan of Matt Mira and Jonah Ray. Comradery is a fickle, frustrating, chemistry that a lot of podcasts out there don't pull off half as well. The Nerdist is about these three dudes as much as it's about Paul McCartney, or Bill Gates, or Tom Hanks those two times. Oh, and that Mel Brooks one is an all timer.

They can get prickly sometimes. Vaguely antagonistic, in a way most shows or podcasts would edit out. But they leave it all in, or a lot more than a PR rep would be comfortable allowing. In that way it's the most honest podcast I've ever listened to, as well as the most fun.

They deserve all the success they have, I'd even go as far to say @midnight is the best late night show since the Colbert Report.

I mean, look at this! This is culturally significant:

 

So happy birthday!

So... Darkest Dungeon looks good. I'm having a rough week.

I just can't seem to get myself to bloggin'. I dunno why. Whiplash broke my heart, I had expected more from it. Mostly, I don't understand how Miles Teller keeps getting work. He held back "The Spectacular Now" (another movie where the female lead is inexplicably attracted to... you know what? I shouldn't.) and was just ok in Whiplash. He wasn't bad.

Also the second episode of Tales from the Borderlands should be out, now I remember why I always waited for the majority of their episodes to release. Because they lie. All the damn time. They're no George RR Martin... but still, "around" January 27th today ain't.

But Darkest Dungeon! It's in early access, but I can still see me enjoying the crap out of those bare bones. Yeah, maybe that'll get me out of my funk.

Whiplash Review: Drummed down.

 
 Before we get started... lemmie set the mood.

Whiplash is a movie I loved and hated at the exact same time. Parts of it are horrifying and suspenseful with just dialogue alone. Parts of it are so clunky and pointless that I skipped entire scenes. I felt like I lost nothing, with a good script that shouldn't be possible.

Whenever the film is about drumming, or showing Miles Teller drumming, or if J.K. Simmons is on camera, the movie is on literal fire. But that feels like less than half of the whole thing. I'm sure if I looked more closely it would actually be the vast majority of the film. But the parts of Andrew's life outside of his sociopathic teacher's artistic dungeon are so amateurish in comparison, that they kill the film's roaring momentum every single time.

Let's start with the "girlfriend"character. I don't remember her name, but Whiplash doesn't want her to be an actual person, so I'm not too cut up about that. Screw the "manic-pixie-dream-girl" the worst female stock character in film is the "gorgeous-girl-who's-inexplicably-drawn-to-plain-uninteresting- male-lead-because-there-ain't-no-time-for-a-three-dimensional-love-interest-with-agency." That sounds petty and angry. Maybe that's because it is.  But never has a movie this good hit my pet peeve cliche so hard. Just... so hard.

He bombs in his bid to ask her out. And she says yes. He is absolutely terrible at conversation and can't stop talking about himself or his obsession at dinner. She laughs at his painful not-jokes and rubs her foot on his. If it were not for her last off screen conversation I'd buy a Tyler Durden-esque fantasy plot twist. She's barely a human being. She should have been cut out of the whole damn thing.

Oh! and there's this bizarre dinner scene at his cousin's house where Andrew wryly sh*ts on his recent division III football win after no one understands what being in Fletcher's jazz band means. Then his uncle, a grown f**king man, asks Andrew if he has any friends. Knowing that he doesn't. Parents and family that hate each other don't say "you're weird and nobody likes you." This guy knows Andrew's mom walked out on him when he was little. It's so spectacularly cruel. Family wouldn't do that!

 ...to his face.

Get ready for a lot of blood on a lot of drums.

But aside from that, the agony and the ecstasy of Fletcher's homicidal jazz crucible is pure hypnotism. Unlike in the rest of the film, the slightly heightened reality works in it's favor. Fletcher's band members have the look of prisoners. Feigning humanity and outside interests until their warden walks though the door. They stand at attention, absolutely terrified that something they do will grab his.

There aren't a whole lot of actors that could handle Fletcher and Simmons owns every frame of it. His Lee Ermey rants flow naturally. His anger, horrifying. But he can switch it all off in a second. He can be warm and forgiving, again, you believe it all. His warmer side is somehow even more unnerving.

The only band teacher I ever had wasn't a fraction as rug-humpingly insane... but there were several major points of similarity. I have no doubt that Fletcher's real life inspiration didn't fall too far from the tree. Even still, he becomes just a scoach too evil in the end. It's a fun twist in the moment but again... characters in this movie have a tendency to stop doing things that make any kind of sense. That kinda robs it's staying power.

It's like they follow you wherever you go...

That and Andrew doesn't have that much to do, outside of looking amazing playing the drums. Which he does. But Miles Teller is still an unknown talent to me. In that, I'm yet to be convinced he's actually talented. Does Teller play him as a detached cypher because that's the kind of person Fletcher knows he can manipulate the most? Or is he just not that great at filling in the character's blanks left in the script? The kinda thing Chris Pratt is a third degree black belt at. Not being sure if a performance is brilliant or terrible kind of speaks for itself, doesn't it? It's like you can see smoke but you can't find the fire. Acting? Editing? Writing?  Something f**ked up, at any rate.

The fact that Fletcher isn't an unbearable caricature is award worthy. I'm not being glib, Simmons has the supporting character Oscar sown up. I couldn't be happier for him, because getting into that character must have been a special kind of murder. For all my misgivings, you should definitely see Whiplash. Because what it does well, you have never seen before. What it does wrong could easily be fixed by a rewrite. By that, I mean the director, Damien Chazelle, is an arm's length away from greatness. He's so close! Grand Piano was so much fun, and this was so dark and thought provoking. The happy medium between the two could knock me off my feet.

I'll wait for that train as long as it takes.

It lives: Dying Light impressions.

"So the game keeps track of how many times I repaired my weapon, why- wait... where the hell did it go?!!!"

Come on in guys, the water's fine. It's pretty good, at worst, is what I'm saying. More than anything else; I think WB was worried about the chance of mediocre reviews, ala Alien Isolation, than a Unity scale cover up.

It's a solid game so far, the parkour is fantastic, the combat is in tact from the original, the story is... fine. The FPS takes a dive to 30 in crowds but it's never unplayable on my GTX 780. And that's ok. I'm having a blast.

Oh, but Techland? Having your weapons disappear after you've repaired them 5 times? Boo. BOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. 

All the boos.

Dying Light is being kept in the dark.

Right after Ubisoft pushed the half baked Frankensteinian horror, Unity, out the door last fall... we all assumed no one would try something like that again. At least not so soon. They knew Unity was a mess and they kept their review embargo up till launch day so the die hards wouldn't even smell the fire.

To be fair, Dying Light review keys have been released to publications... 12 hours before launch. But that's just antagonistic. A legal loop hole to avoid the phrase "embargo." For is it not exactly that in everything but name?!!

Sorry if I'm being dramatic, but I'm one of those lucky pre-orderers and my feet could not be colder right now. Granted I'm also one of those folks that played, and immensely enjoyed, both previous Dead Islands... so I guess I know exactly what I'm buying. Or do I? Maybe Techland can't handle their new engine and it runs like molasses. Maybe the parkour-combat never pans out and gets dull after a few hours. Maybe the more serious tone of the story is somehow more awkward and tin-eared than ever before.

Something is making WB Interactive's stock holders skittish. I can't wait to find out what that is.  I also can't type letters in a way that expresses deep seeded sarcasm.

 

Sid Meier's Starships is... who the hell am I kidding? I want it.

So it looks like instead of DLC for Beyond Earth, we're getting a full game spinning off from it's pretty decent fiction.

Behold:

You get to customize whole fleets of ships? That scratches some itches, I'm down for that. That whole "Harmony, Supremacy, Purity" dichotomy makes a come back, that's a good plan. It's all about exploration and tactical combat? Stop, SMS... you had me at starships.

 It looks to be the big budget remake of FTL, which is great because I never really cared enough to spend more than 20 minutes with it. The art was just too sparse for me. Starships, on the other hand, is lookin' good!

I hate my own creation.

I hate my Selma review. Much like I hated my Bioshock Infinite GOTY review. I wish I could do the movie more justice. I wish my problems with Selma were more coherent. I wish it were longer and more in depth.

I hate it. But I'm going to make it work.