Transformers in Slow Motion: aka "Pacific Rim."

 Ladies and gentlemen...this could be something very special.

Blow this sucker up full screen!   

I actually liked the last one a little better so here, have both, and let your inner 8 year old squeal with joy!

Have a Friend for Dinner, Tonight at 10.

Join me for something delicious on TV this evening, more of NBC's Hannibal!  The last show I watched on TV because I couldn't wait for the internet to catch up was Breaking Bad. Folks, in my book, Hannibal is right up there with Breaking Bad. Its so good, other networks are licking their chops at its low ratings so they can pick it up for themselves, should it be canceled. I've already spoke at length on its hypnotic cinematography, brilliant acting, and absolutely disgusting  murder victims.

Its a really good show folks...but don't just take my word for it:

Crackpot Theory: Dr. Shultz is kind of a Dick.

DJANGO UNCHAINED SPOILERS!!!



Get it?


Got it?


OK.

So I finished watching "Django Unchained" again the other night, and I felt I was right about it the first time, its Tarantino's best movie. Its so hard to watch, yet so painfully funny, that the only other thing I've ever seen remotely like it was the marginally inferior "Inglorious Bastards." That's good company to keep, no question.

But something really bothered me the second time around. When Shultz was about to give Django everything he ever wanted after he had spent the last winter giving Shultz everything he wanted...Shultz goes and shoots Candie in the chest.

"No, my Gatsby face is completely different. Why does everyone keep saying that?"

Yes, it sets up the grand finale and allows Django the opportunity to break himself out of a slave drive for once, but come on. The only reason Shultz shot him was to move the story along. Everything we had understood about the character says he would never do that to either Django or Hildy. When he kills Candie he signs Django's death warrant and he would have known that.

"Hey, yeah...what the hell Waltz?!

There's better ways to keep the story development right where it is without making Shultz so selfishly suicidal. Like what if Candie tried to club him to death when closing in for the hand shake? What if Candie never really intended to let them leave?  Its a humongous plot hole in an otherwise wonderful movie, that's why I'm bothering to whine about it. Django's worth it, and he deserved better from the good doctor.

I'll play myself out:

Grave Encounters Review: a horror film afraid of its own screenwriter.

Grave Encounters is a anomaly in many ways. For one, its a horror film on Netflix with a star rating higher than three, which is stupendously rare. For another one, its a horror film on Netflix I've managed to watch past the first twenty minutes and actually finished. I couldn't even do that for "Call the Midwife." Which was a different kind of horror, "Bore-or".


I don't finish any movie without it doing at least 3 out of 4 things right:

Pacing- The ability to keep me from pulling out my phone.

Dialogue- Determined by how little I try to finish actors sentences/ block out what they're saying. 

Story- Measured by the intensity of my craving to see how it ends.

Acting- Divined by how much I forget about judging the other three.

If one is satisfactory I'll wait 10 minutes for another to impress. If that happens, I give it 20 minutes. If it can pull off three I'll finish it up and will probably write a positive review. Four and I will definitely praise the sucker and possibly watch it again a year later. So how did GE do? The short answer is "better then I thought" The accurate short answer is "but..." The accurate long answer is the rest of this article.

Horror Movie Disease #26: Fate Temping Tourette's

Yes this is a found footage movie and no, I don't think its a gimmick any more or less tired than the teen slasher framework. These horror style choices can work just as effectively as any other, so it doesn't loose points from me on that front. This film's biggest problem is further under the surface.

The set up works well enough. For a good long while you buy the cast as a reality show film crew that fudges details wherever they can to heighten the reality of their fiction. Its actually pretty fun to watch them coerce more details out of the groundskeeper and even demand better takes of "reality." The way it exposes the bald face lies of shows like Ghost Hunters and Paranormal State tickled me pink. How pink do you ask?

This pink... god I hate Ghost Hunters.

But all hubris in horror must eventually be answered for and I applaud the script for keeping the paranormal hocus-pokus to a minimum for half of the run. Though this may have been a budget issue than a creative decision (more on that later). For the first half we are treated to serviceable dialogue delivered by some damn good actors. Merwin Mondesir plays the camera man/arbitrary black character with a surprising amount of depth. He tries to hide his fear of never seeing his family again with an intentionally unconvincing braggadocio that, besides being given the only backstory in the whole film, the material doesn't call for. Sean Rogerson's  role as the host character will be pegged by the audience the instant he opens his mouth. He's so good I could have sworn I'd seen him on TV before.

"So...this script has an ending right? ...Right guys?

Everyone else is...not bad. They don't really matter. Everyone else, that is, except for Ashleigh Gryzko. The movie simply doesn't deserve her performance. Once the ghosts start rattling their chains, all the actors switch gears to "scared mode" and stay there, Only Gryzko tries to dig deeper. I have never seen a mental breakdown so excruciatingly pathetic as hers, which also makes it the most honest. If I could throw some pixie dust in the air, wish, and make her famous I would. But unfortunately, Ryan Reynolds grabbed the last box (ziz-ing!).

So now we come to the ending. By which I mean, there isn't one. Its the classic tale of writers who are really good at making introductions, better at rising action, and have absolutely no f**king clue how to tie up a plot thread. Crap just starts happening. It seems like its going somewhere at first, but ten minutes to the end I realized it was just killing time. There's a fine line between being open to interpretation, and making s**t up as you go along. GE is guilty of the latter.
 
 The link's up top, see for yourself.
 

Metro last light: "Meant to be Played at a Premium"

I've hinted at how DLC can be used for evil and the new Metro game is handily making my case for me. DLC should only be used to add to an already whole experience. Your Fallouts, your Borderlands, even your Dishonoreds, all knew this rule and lived by it. But its when parts of the whole become chopped off and sold at a price for the more discerning and dedicated player that DLC becomes exploitative.

You wanna drop 40 some odd bucks on a bunch of paint jobs for your guns? Go for it. That's cosmetic, like streamers on the handles of your new bike. You aren't profoundly experiencing a different game than anyone else, but you are more invested and theoretically getting more out of it. If that's what you want, its your money and retailers shouldn't feel remorse for tapping that market. But games are expensive and sixty bucks should get you everything a developer has developed at launch.

When the hardest difficulty setting is billed as "the way its meant to be played" and is then made available only to those who pre-order it and sold at a premium to everyone else, I get steamed. It says a lot about  the game's backers, the state of video game marketing, and a fair bit about the product itself. Single player gaming is seen as a pricey indulgence in the industry today as it is. So they will continue to scramble to find more ways to circumvent the used market and pad their bottom line.

 I'm absolutely fine with publishers finding better ways to feed their shareholders. If they have a product worth selling I'll buy it. I'll take a half pound of cherries with my five pound crate of oranges. It's when that crate of oranges is padded with too much tissue paper, and the last sixth of them are only sold as premium "super oranges" that contains critical plot development... ok I've lost the metaphor. 

The point is, difficulty modes are relatively simple to implement and make a world of a difference in re-playability. It's not a new part of the story, it's not cosmetic, It may not even be that good, and the only reason its not in the core game is because of ass headed marketing jag offs.

So I here stand, thoroughly miffed. Good day internet.

                                                      

Community Survives.

Another year, another nail biting finale for one of my favorite shows. Not that it was that suspenseful, no, I'm talking about worrying over whether or not that was the end. But it got picked up! That's been great news in the past, but what about now?  has it "jumped the shark" as they say, or does it still have some legs?  The answer is a lot of yes...and a little no.

Community has had a complicated history both with myself and it's network. After it finally embraced how weird it could be, I was hooked like nobodies business. Very few shows have an ensemble as inherently funny as well as effectively dramatic, adding more fuel to my "the best actors are comedians" argument (more on that tomorrow).  Community understands the most effective humor comes from tragedy, and every single member of its cast is essentially a tragic figure. Yet they're lovable not in spite, but because of their flaws. Making what seems to be an exercise in childishness to be an earnest character drama.

But remember, its funny as hell.

Which leads us to he end of last season and the summary dismissal of the show's creator and showrunner, Dan Harmon. It stung. It stung because it seemed like cast member Chevy Chase had a lot to do with it. I know this is a business and casts aren't really ever as collaborative and happy as they seem on dvd extras...but I wanted to believe Community was.

Yet instead of killing it, NBC decided Community should continue. Whether it would be a proud success story, or a shambling zombie, remained to be seen. So a year later, what did we see? A little of both. It was essentially the first season all over again, missteps alined with hints at greatness. Perice's (Chevy Chase's) random disappearances notwithstanding, this was not the abomination I was expecting, and for that I am thank full. Though, understandably, this was far from the show's finest hour.

Still, the finale managed to bring the last remaining plot lines to a close. Did Greendale change Jeff? Was the darkest timeline ever going to be paid off? Were they ever going to bother to write Chase off the show? The answer ended up being yes. In that way the season was a success, in that way, I am hopeful for the future. Sure they haven't been picked up for a full season; seeing as they aren't on the fall schedule, but I can live with another 13 episodes. I'm sure the rest of us Greendalians can too.

The Cabin in the Woods Review: Netflix Y'all! Um...You. All.

Damnit Netflix, you have to stop doing this. The last time I wanted to cancel you plopped "Top of the Lake" in my lap. Now you've got a whole 'nuther season of "American Dad!" ...and whats this? for me? you shouldn't have. I really can't stay mad at you buddy, not if you keep up this Whedon related goodness.

So yeah, "Cabin in the Woods" is on Netflix and this marks maybe the third time I've seen it. I am not a guy who rewatches movies and I only own maybe less than fifteen actual dvds. Only my personal best of the best  ever gets seen again and in the case of one ludicrous outlier (Hot Fuzz) sometimes twelve more times. But that's a very very special case.

Anyway, you have already probably heard about it and probably had the better parts ruined for you, and that's a shame. The last act is really something special and even I could not have foreseen the gaping depths of meta Whedon and his writing partner pulled off here. In just under 90 minutes they boiled down the essence of horror into something that was simultaneously thrilling and hilarious. So if you havn't checked it out yet please do.  You may not like it as much as I did, but you are going to laugh and you are going to have a good time...but the more I think about it the film, the more I miss Bradly Whitford.

Recommended Viewing



Fran Kranz:
Dollhouse

Bradley Whitford:
The West Wing
The Good Guys