Star Trek: Into Darkness Review, Superman Vs. Robocop.

Matt Ferguson, Everybody!

Before I start, full disclosure, I am not a Trekkie. I've sat through a fair share of Next Generation and DS9 yet I have remained unevangelised.

Its not that I overly disliked or look down on ST (being a yellow dog Brown Coat myself) but it just didn't grab me the way a show of that length would have too. I'd need to stick with it, through the good times and the Riker guts, and I don't have it in me. So whether these new films are the second coming or sacrilege I do not know. But what I do know is I walked into the theater both times with healthy optimism and both times I left thoroughly impressed.

The prevailing mantra over at my dearly beloved Rotten Tomatoes is that the acting is solid and the story is a mess. Here I find myself disagreeing with the majority of ID's detractors. I actually found the story fairly coherent and continuously surprising. Most of the time when I peg a character as a traitor I'm right, so I was delighted to be wrong in both instances. The villain's ultimate goal was sound, the cast's reactions to the evolving situation were understandable, and the progression from set piece to set piece was most...logical (sorry).


 The overarching themes of the film appeared to be guilt and greed. It opens on a thinly veiled exploration of white man's burden and ends on a declaration against warmongering for the sake of  accomplishment. Without a good roster of characters sounding off on what they mean to them, the themes wouldn't mean squat. So I'll happily agree that the critics who enjoyed the stylings of Pine, Quinto, Saldana, and Pegg were absolutely right.

"Is that...Is that how big my part is?!"

Putting these four actors in a tube together is comedy gold, which is another surprising strength of the film, its really damn funny. After three years without seeing the first installment again, I had forgotten that Spock and Uhura were a thing. The way they remind me without a character simply explaining it to the audience was refreshing... and when Kirk did just that 20 minutes later, it managed to be hilarious. In that regard, all you need to do to tickle my critic bone is to give me enough Simon Pegg being Simon Pegg. And there is so much Pegg in here you guys! All those little ticks and whines only he can add to the end of otherwise mundane line readings is a rare talent that he uses most wisely here. In fact this very nearly becomes the Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Sherlock movie. Oh! speaking of which...

"Something, something, something, darkmatterrrrrrrr."

Cumberbatch is pretty disappointing. Pulling off a broad villain of "eeeevil" caliber is hard, thankless work and unfortunately Cumberbatch chews the scenery more than anything else. In his defense the script doesn't give him much to work with either. We're supposed to fear him and what he's capable of. But we never get a clear picture of what that is, exactly. He has a weakness that ends up being the best plot point of the film and John Harrison's story is ultimately one worth telling, thankfully. And as long as we're getting complaints out of the way, I loved Carl Urban in Dredd, but his Bones always comes off as a bad impression. I want to like it but I just can't. Oh, and Alice Eve's lengiere shot!? That was embarrassing JJ, come on.


Hm...so I'm at a loss of what else to say about ID without spoiling its best surprises and character moments. Though I'm curious as to what repeat viewings will feel like. Maybe that's where the story falls to pieces, but I'm pretty sure critics are just venting their delayed frustration from last year's Batman. If you really want to talk about a gossamer web of preposterousness, we'll talk about "Rises." So in the end, this isn't a great movie. But it clearly didn't want to, and it doesn't have to be, one. To me, the most honest reaction you have to a movie is the first thought that pops into your head when its over. For me?

"That was almost too much fun."

Freshly STEAM-ed: Torchlight 2 Review

A look at the Steam store's hidden gems and buried skeletons.

A good looter is hard to find these days, wait...never mind. They're friggn' everywhere! The act of "looting" is one of the most voraciously addicting aspects of gaming and all developers know it. The trick is developing it well. It can be too generous, too stingy, too repetitive, too predictable, and it only works if all those aspects are in check. In other words, its chemistry.

An action RPG like torchlight, despite its large roster of characters to build, places to roam, enemies to kill, and quests to fetch, its only as good as it's loot system. So my reaction to the game after running through two characters over a few months is...favorable. It's occasionally great, but in the face of Borderlands and even Darksiders II, I see room for improvement

"Two barrels? Psh, its been done."

It's far less expensive than those other two games, $40 less, even. But after a good long while into a new game+ I was bored. I was just doing the same things over and over and over because the game wouldn't let me try out any other tactics. It had made me set in my ways against my will because there were serious problems with the leveling process. In that, you can read your skill trees front to back but still have no real idea what your new skill will be like until you've invested in to it halfway. That takes hours, and if you had more than three points spent on a useless ability there was no going back. The vast array of skills and abilities demand experimentation, but the game allowed no room for it. Worse still, they guzzle so many skill points to be worth a damn that you would have to spend an entire play through nurturing five out of  30 skills to stay in fighting shape. That's boring. 

This is a picture of twice as much time as you're ever going to want to spend with one character.

But again, loot is the name of this game, and great loot heals all wounds. But sadly, that fared even worse. 6 times out of 10 when I came across a "legendary" piece of loot, it was for another character. It was a cheap, irritating, way to force me to play multiplayer and trade with others. Which would have been fine, except none of my friends who have a PC play this game (enough anyway). So all it accomplished was taunting me until I lost interest in continuing to loot. Which also translates into not playing the game because that was the whole damn point.


It's strange it left me so cold, because I really wanted to love it. In fact, there are many things I still admire about it. It's charming score, its fluid (delightful) animation, its crisp sound design (pistols especially), and the way the monsters feel like natural species in their element rather than things made up to kill you. Brilliant people made this game, and it is one hell of a game, the last thing I want to do is to sell TL2 short. Its necessary to point out that all my grousing comes from long term exposure. Meaning none of these complaints floated to the surface until after I had beaten it twice. I'm not complaining about it being bad, I'm angry at how close it came to being perfect.

"So what do you guys think? Too blue? ...Its too blue, I get it. Good talk."

Yet, while I was busy complaining about the lack of my ability to re-spec my character, the developers patched in the ability to do just that. Which brings up the best feature about this shindig: Steam Workshop! If there is a problem you have with the game, a vast community of modders have most likely already fixed it. Further still, there are entirely new characters, pets, bosses, dungeons, and equipment ready made to sweeten your pot. All are free and are downloaded directly where they need to be without you needing to open up the hood of your root folder. Just subscribe and sit back while it streams.

So if you're looking for a solid looter on the cheap, there is no better place to look to than Runic game’s stylized little romp. I may be hard on it, but that's just because I love it and want it to improve. I'm sure the right concoction of mods to smooth out my grievances exists, so I guess I better start mixing, I hope to see some of you in there.

"You did not just step on my new boots!!!"

Transformers in Slow Motion: aka "Pacific Rim."

 Ladies and gentlemen...this could be something very special.

Blow this sucker up full screen!   

I actually liked the last one a little better so here, have both, and let your inner 8 year old squeal with joy!

Have a Friend for Dinner, Tonight at 10.

Join me for something delicious on TV this evening, more of NBC's Hannibal!  The last show I watched on TV because I couldn't wait for the internet to catch up was Breaking Bad. Folks, in my book, Hannibal is right up there with Breaking Bad. Its so good, other networks are licking their chops at its low ratings so they can pick it up for themselves, should it be canceled. I've already spoke at length on its hypnotic cinematography, brilliant acting, and absolutely disgusting  murder victims.

Its a really good show folks...but don't just take my word for it:

Crackpot Theory: Dr. Shultz is kind of a Dick.

DJANGO UNCHAINED SPOILERS!!!



Get it?


Got it?


OK.

So I finished watching "Django Unchained" again the other night, and I felt I was right about it the first time, its Tarantino's best movie. Its so hard to watch, yet so painfully funny, that the only other thing I've ever seen remotely like it was the marginally inferior "Inglorious Bastards." That's good company to keep, no question.

But something really bothered me the second time around. When Shultz was about to give Django everything he ever wanted after he had spent the last winter giving Shultz everything he wanted...Shultz goes and shoots Candie in the chest.

"No, my Gatsby face is completely different. Why does everyone keep saying that?"

Yes, it sets up the grand finale and allows Django the opportunity to break himself out of a slave drive for once, but come on. The only reason Shultz shot him was to move the story along. Everything we had understood about the character says he would never do that to either Django or Hildy. When he kills Candie he signs Django's death warrant and he would have known that.

"Hey, yeah...what the hell Waltz?!

There's better ways to keep the story development right where it is without making Shultz so selfishly suicidal. Like what if Candie tried to club him to death when closing in for the hand shake? What if Candie never really intended to let them leave?  Its a humongous plot hole in an otherwise wonderful movie, that's why I'm bothering to whine about it. Django's worth it, and he deserved better from the good doctor.

I'll play myself out:

Grave Encounters Review: a horror film afraid of its own screenwriter.

Grave Encounters is a anomaly in many ways. For one, its a horror film on Netflix with a star rating higher than three, which is stupendously rare. For another one, its a horror film on Netflix I've managed to watch past the first twenty minutes and actually finished. I couldn't even do that for "Call the Midwife." Which was a different kind of horror, "Bore-or".


I don't finish any movie without it doing at least 3 out of 4 things right:

Pacing- The ability to keep me from pulling out my phone.

Dialogue- Determined by how little I try to finish actors sentences/ block out what they're saying. 

Story- Measured by the intensity of my craving to see how it ends.

Acting- Divined by how much I forget about judging the other three.

If one is satisfactory I'll wait 10 minutes for another to impress. If that happens, I give it 20 minutes. If it can pull off three I'll finish it up and will probably write a positive review. Four and I will definitely praise the sucker and possibly watch it again a year later. So how did GE do? The short answer is "better then I thought" The accurate short answer is "but..." The accurate long answer is the rest of this article.

Horror Movie Disease #26: Fate Temping Tourette's

Yes this is a found footage movie and no, I don't think its a gimmick any more or less tired than the teen slasher framework. These horror style choices can work just as effectively as any other, so it doesn't loose points from me on that front. This film's biggest problem is further under the surface.

The set up works well enough. For a good long while you buy the cast as a reality show film crew that fudges details wherever they can to heighten the reality of their fiction. Its actually pretty fun to watch them coerce more details out of the groundskeeper and even demand better takes of "reality." The way it exposes the bald face lies of shows like Ghost Hunters and Paranormal State tickled me pink. How pink do you ask?

This pink... god I hate Ghost Hunters.

But all hubris in horror must eventually be answered for and I applaud the script for keeping the paranormal hocus-pokus to a minimum for half of the run. Though this may have been a budget issue than a creative decision (more on that later). For the first half we are treated to serviceable dialogue delivered by some damn good actors. Merwin Mondesir plays the camera man/arbitrary black character with a surprising amount of depth. He tries to hide his fear of never seeing his family again with an intentionally unconvincing braggadocio that, besides being given the only backstory in the whole film, the material doesn't call for. Sean Rogerson's  role as the host character will be pegged by the audience the instant he opens his mouth. He's so good I could have sworn I'd seen him on TV before.

"So...this script has an ending right? ...Right guys?

Everyone else is...not bad. They don't really matter. Everyone else, that is, except for Ashleigh Gryzko. The movie simply doesn't deserve her performance. Once the ghosts start rattling their chains, all the actors switch gears to "scared mode" and stay there, Only Gryzko tries to dig deeper. I have never seen a mental breakdown so excruciatingly pathetic as hers, which also makes it the most honest. If I could throw some pixie dust in the air, wish, and make her famous I would. But unfortunately, Ryan Reynolds grabbed the last box (ziz-ing!).

So now we come to the ending. By which I mean, there isn't one. Its the classic tale of writers who are really good at making introductions, better at rising action, and have absolutely no f**king clue how to tie up a plot thread. Crap just starts happening. It seems like its going somewhere at first, but ten minutes to the end I realized it was just killing time. There's a fine line between being open to interpretation, and making s**t up as you go along. GE is guilty of the latter.
 
 The link's up top, see for yourself.
 

Metro last light: "Meant to be Played at a Premium"

I've hinted at how DLC can be used for evil and the new Metro game is handily making my case for me. DLC should only be used to add to an already whole experience. Your Fallouts, your Borderlands, even your Dishonoreds, all knew this rule and lived by it. But its when parts of the whole become chopped off and sold at a price for the more discerning and dedicated player that DLC becomes exploitative.

You wanna drop 40 some odd bucks on a bunch of paint jobs for your guns? Go for it. That's cosmetic, like streamers on the handles of your new bike. You aren't profoundly experiencing a different game than anyone else, but you are more invested and theoretically getting more out of it. If that's what you want, its your money and retailers shouldn't feel remorse for tapping that market. But games are expensive and sixty bucks should get you everything a developer has developed at launch.

When the hardest difficulty setting is billed as "the way its meant to be played" and is then made available only to those who pre-order it and sold at a premium to everyone else, I get steamed. It says a lot about  the game's backers, the state of video game marketing, and a fair bit about the product itself. Single player gaming is seen as a pricey indulgence in the industry today as it is. So they will continue to scramble to find more ways to circumvent the used market and pad their bottom line.

 I'm absolutely fine with publishers finding better ways to feed their shareholders. If they have a product worth selling I'll buy it. I'll take a half pound of cherries with my five pound crate of oranges. It's when that crate of oranges is padded with too much tissue paper, and the last sixth of them are only sold as premium "super oranges" that contains critical plot development... ok I've lost the metaphor. 

The point is, difficulty modes are relatively simple to implement and make a world of a difference in re-playability. It's not a new part of the story, it's not cosmetic, It may not even be that good, and the only reason its not in the core game is because of ass headed marketing jag offs.

So I here stand, thoroughly miffed. Good day internet.