A surgery and an apology.

I've just now woken up from a nice, intense, anesthesia nap (9 straight hours). Suffice it to say, sitting and typing isn't the best thing for my stitches. I'm actually kneeling on the back of my desk chair right now. So, the daily crackpot is going on a little break. Bear with me.

Borderlands 2: KRIEG Review

"Gone are the days of the tentacle and the age of the gods' mercy is far away...We are the fighters of the middle, the second act in the three-part MEAT play, AND I WILL WIN BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR!" -KRIEG

Whelp, BL2 threw out another piece of DLC and I tried to stay away from it...I really did. But after finishing up my Axton run, I just felt compelled. No one does DLC like Gearbox and BL2 is one of those games where if I decide against buying a pack, the game feels like something's missing. I gotta keep it whole.

So four days later and a good seven hours into KRIEG, what do I think? I think he's awesome, that's what I think. Is he worth ten bucks? ...not for everyone, that I don't think. I mean, at first having a playable Psycho (those dudes in white masks on the cover art) seemed too obvious. It felt like they were running out of ideas. Compared to Gaige (the other DLC character) and her wonderful audio logs, playing a whole game as a guy who continuously screams "NIPPLE SALADS!" and "How can I snap your neck if you don't have ONE?!" KRIEG seemed far less ambitious. But what doesn't seem unambitious compared to a runaway, teenage, engineering wunderkind, amputee?

"Punk never dies." -Gaige

But after just twenty minutes with the guy, I fell for him. All his little masks, the fact his skin names are in all caps, how he seamlessly fits into the world of Pandora, and how his buzz saw manages to be even more fun than Brick's fists. I should explain, every minute and a half KRIEG can go into a psychotic (natch)  melee based rage to wail on midgets and bad asses alike. Every kill fills your health to the brim allowing you to chain more and more. But keep in mind his rage never becomes a "I win" button, 'cause ol' Kriegy is very much a glass cannon. If you don't plan it right, you can go down before your first kill and even if you second wind, the gauge will be empty and you have to scramble to cover.

Everything is a double edged sword with Krieg. Dumping skill points into "feed the meat" gives you a huge boost of health, but it will make your shield delay that much longer. There are also great remixes to the traditional buff skills thrown in, like an entire new way to get a second wind. With "Light The Fuse" instead of using your guns you throw out little bundles of dynamite which detonate when the second wind gauge runs out, reviving you if you manage to kill an enemy with them. I'm personally not a fan of it, but it is delightfully different and still pretty fun.

"Uhgggggg... the choices are pretzeling my INNER LOBES!" -KRIEG

I haven't finished up a skill tree with him yet, but I'd say I've still gotten my money's worth. The character is charismatic in his screaming, cackling, yet weirdly articulate kind of way and I enjoy hearing what he has to say. His skills are fun, but more importantly, they are different and interesting. I'd go as far to say he's a hell of a lot more fun than Mya was and I liked Mya. So Gearbox continues their streak of excellent DLC. If you've ever wanted to be a psycho, your ticket to ride is $10. Have fun out there.

Arrested Development: How do you tell an old flame you've moved on?

This really happened people, a whole new season of Arrested Development! I should be bouncing off the walls, barely able to contain my excitement. And the thing is, I would have been... four years ago. I loved Arrested Development, all its perfectly intricate running gags, how it could be simultaneously subtle and absurd, and Mrs Featherbottom...oh, Mrs. Featherbottom.

 

I'm still going to tear through the whole season like nobodies business, but I should be just a little excited. But in fact, I'm more angry Liberace is punting the next Game of Thrones episode a week down the line. That's weird right? The next season of Thrones is a sure a thing as sure things get...Arrested is a damn unicorn. Why am I not excited?!

I guess I've moved on, I couldn't pine over the Bluths forever and I've found new love for Community and Parks and Rec. But I still have a soft spot and I know as soon as I boot up the first episode I'll forget all about how much I've trained my self not to care anymore.

I can't wait.

Baseless Speculation: What will the end of used games actually do?

Look you guys! Look how monochrome!

So, the Xbox One cat is out of the bag and I don't have too many strong feelings about it. Well, I do have strong feelings about them allegedly planting cheerers in the press conference audience like North Korea at the Olympics, but lets move on. I don't have a dog in this fight and I am very curious to see how this console race shakes out. Right now I'd say the PS4 is winning the PR arms race, but I think we all know the cheaper console is going to win no matter what. Because that's where the economy is and because Sony hasn't stuck its foot in its mouth...yet.

But there are more aspects to a "cheaper" console than the initial price point and that's the used game market. No one is going to buy all their games at $60. That's absurd. I think the saturation of Gamestop  proves my point. People can get their games anywhere, but they flock to Gamestop for the discounts. I'm sure Sony and Microsoft would love to live in a world where they were like the big department stores. In which their "sales discounts" were what the product was actually worth and they could sell it at an inflated price for the rest of the year. Here's the thing though, and its really one of the best things about gamers as a consumer: We're too smart for that crap and will not take it lying down.

Ergo, gamers are reading the fine print about how Xbox One games can only be installed on "one" system and if you try to play the same disk on another (even if you already own it) you'll hit a pay wall (or will you? *rolls eyes*). The community has now become noticeably upset. We hear how the Xbox Neo will  "totally" support used games, but come on, they'll tell us anything we want to hear because we haven't bought it yet.  Like all sweeping security measures, this one will be attributed to piracy eventually and I can understand that.  But I'd like to float the idea that since video games are a digital medium and can be copied an infinite number of times; there comes a point where they can become devilishly cheap and will still be able to turn a handsome profit.

Steam in a minute!

I'll admit I used to be quite the pirate for games I was on the fence for. But once I stopped worrying and began to love the Steam I realised that there were other approaches to marketing video games. In that, games I wouldn't dream of buying ended up clogging my Steam library because there was a 24 hour sale for them at $7.50.

$7.50! The cheapest game worth a damn I've ever seen at a Gamestop is $15. The idea that a game makes all its real sales within its first two weeks of release is insane.Talented studios have been closed over this antiquated barometer of success and no one ever seems to blame the marketers for forcing a release at the wrong time. But with a daily deal system where you could easily find the newest Assassins Creed for $15 six months later, you'll sell many more copies than you would have at some BS sale price of $35.50. That's the entire point of a sale, a slightly higher profit margin with a strengthened brand awareness. I know I wasn't on the AC band wagon until AC II was going for $20. Well, until Revelations anyway... god, that was boring.

Unless you REALLY liked Suleiman the First.

Yet as much as I'd like to see all that, the wind is blowing in the direction of a dead used market. It bears mentioning that used sales profits only go to the store and not to the studio or publisher. In fact, that's why all games now have DLC, because that does go straight to the content creators. In the end, I think we all love games, and will do what it takes to get our fix. I'm not ignorant of the possibility of Sony and Microsoft (Nintendo will just make more money printing handhelds) stabbing Gamestop in the back to make one more console generation possible.

So I personally don't think the end of traditional used games will change a damn thing. It was already money producers never saw and there are ways to make similar sales systems while also cutting out brick and mortar store outlets (but that's a whole 'nuther rant). The real question, one I don't have the slightest clue how to answer, is what happens to the AAA market when all legitimate outlets sell them for a fixed price. All I can say is that's a really stupid, and shortsightedly greedy, idea...that's probably going to happen eventually.

Well that's depressing, you know what?, I'm gonna make a drink and play Psychonauts!

Hey, Luther's Coming Back!

If there's one thing about UK television that drives me nuts, its the years that can exist between seasons. Sherlock I can understand, as those two leads were incredibly busy, but Luther? I don't know what happened. I remember hearing somewhere that the ratings weren't sticking and BBC was dragging their feet on renewing. But thankfully even they can't stare down Stringer.

So, come September, my favorite modern day penny dreadful comes back...'bout damn time.

The Thrilling Adventure Hour: The funniest thing you've never heard.

I've been a podcast addict going on three years now. That was way back in...2010? When the hell did that become 3 years ago?! (sigh) Anyway, it didn't take long to realize how awesome it is when virtually all my favorite comics have their own radio show. Girl on Guy, The Nerdist. WTF, hell, even Talkin' Toons really hits the spot once in a while. That's right, Yakko has his own talk show. You didn't even know you wanted that, did you?

I've been on the take ever since, filling all my driving hours (which are many) with comedian buddies cracking each other up. I listen to them as many times as I drink cups of coffee a day, so about two or three. They're pretty ingrained into my routine at this point.

Long story longer, I've been a regular at The Nerdist for a few years and always ran across their 20's radio serial satire: The Thrilling Adventure Hour. It was radioactive to me.  I've forcibly been exposed to the decomposed and painfully unfunny stylings of A Prairie Home Companion. Mere words cannot express how much I friggin' hate that show and the less said about Garrison Keillor's labored mouth breathing the better.

There's other aspects at play, mainly plays themselves. I've been dragged to many a local theater production by "friends" throughout high school and college. The tragedies I could take. Because (in my critical jerky-jerk opinion) acting sad is much easier than being funny. Say a twenty year old absolutely nails Othello. That's hard work, good on him. But maybe that praise goes to his head, maybe he thinks he can walk on water, and then maybe he butchers a Steve Martin monologue so horrifically; I wanted to bum rush him off stage and burn him at the stake to appease the comedy gods.

Huh...that got personal quick didn't it? I guess my point is that drama is universal, comedy is harder, and broad comedy is the hardest of them all. Imagine my surprise when I accidentally downloaded an episode of Beyond Belief and almost got clipped in an intersection because I was laughing so hard. Believe it...or don't (TM).

*clink*

The main takeaway here is that Paul F. Tompkins and Paget Brewster are spectacular as a married couple of ghost hunting alcoholics. Brewster in particular slays me. Her performance isn't something you can easily describe. A drunk, dim, Manhattan socialite doesn't do it any justice; in fact I'm afraid you'll just have to hear for yourself. I've been a pusher of Tompkins ever since he managed to make a routine around corn, but Brewster? Who is this comic angel and which sphere did she come from?

Because believe you me, I have heard many (and I mean too damn many) mock 20's socialite accents from friends and professional actors alike. If you told me that I would some day run across one that would make me laugh out loud I just might have slapped you across the face. Its just so overdone. I couldn't conceive of a way to make it fresh and interesting. Suffice it to say, Brewster did it.

But its not just the Paget Brewster show, there's lots of different little serials circling around each other. There's sci-fi western, Sparks Nevada, which has an pitch perfect theme song and Nathan Fillion sometimes drops in as a guy named "Cactiod Jim" (after a sub-orbital species of cactus) its fun! Then another about a time traveling Amelia Earhart who fights a Joseph Gordon Levitt Nazi. You know you want it. 

But the writing is pretty sharp too and I have professional writers Ben Acker and Blacker to thank. So to The Thrilling Adventure Hour, I apologize.  I read a book by its cover and I'm sorry. I can tell you I'll personally never miss another...

 Fan art!

Crackpot Theory: Tony Stark is a Self Pitying Masochist.

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT THE CLIMAX OF IRON MAN 3 SPOILED FOR YOU.








YES...YOU.



So the motif of Iron Man 3 was the search for who Tony was without the suit. The vast majority of the film had Tony trying to rebuild his breakaway rocket armor inside a (again, strangely unaccented) child's garage. It showed he was resourceful, that he had a sense of responsibility, that he was essentially an 8 year old man, and that under all that steel and Paul Bettany he was still one hell of a guy.

Oh...but apparently all that soul searching was entirely pointless. After a heated conversation with a friend (who absolutely despised 3) over the film's faults, I had to tip my hat to her after she found a doozey of a plot hole. The end of the film shows he could have backpedaled out of all that nonsense and had any of his small army of extra suits fly over and pull his ass out of Tennessee.

The "House Party" shreds nearly all the character building of two whole acts. Maybe it could have worked if Rhodey was given an uplink (or something, I don't know) to Tony's toy chest from the military and he didn't know the password. That certainly would have given him more of a point as a character. But as it is, Iron Man 3 is a film about a man who puts his loved ones and his country in serious danger just so he can have something to more to say to his jolly green therapist.

Still, I loved the hell out of it, but that really bugs me though...Wait, I know what'll cheer me up!

 

WEEEEEE!!!