Shyamalan and Schadenfreude

After Earth is Will Smith's softest opening of all time...and I'm pretty happy about that. Am I a bad person? Yes. I am reveling in a star's decent from the heavens. I am also enjoying the derision of the work of thousands of talented people. That's messed up. But you know what's even more messed up? The ridiculous amount of time Shyamalan's head has been stuck up his ass and how no one is taking his keys away from him. This is after crashing four straight projects into the dirt. But why? The combined stench of both nepotism and ineptitude kept audiences away from AE, but why wasn't The Last Airbender a similar flop? Directors better than Shyamalan could ever hope to be, have had their careers ended over a fraction of his missteps. How does he keep getting work?!

I used to be a fan. I grew up on farmland believing in aliens, so naturally, Signs got my goat and then some. On that topic, I'm sick of hearing people saying they were invaded by aliens with water allergies. They weren't hurt by water, they were hurt by what Bo could taste in the water, because it was (say it with me) "contaminated!" But really, they were ridiculous in  a whole host of other ways. I'm not saying Signs wasn't the beginning of the end (it was) I'm just sick of hearing about that point specifically. Bet you didn't plan on seeing me defend his writing here did ya? Well, I'm gonna defend him some more in a bit, but until then, lets look at the putrefied creative sinkhole that is the last ten years of his career:

GET IT?!

Lady in the Water was half a movie, The Happening had a chase scene against wind, and everything except the casting on The Last Airbender was all Shy's fault. I mean its like he tried to get the least convincing performances possible out every actor in that thing...even the special effects seemed to buckle under that film's stunning hackery (its a word now). But again, do not place the whitewashing of the actors at his door. That's Nickelodeon's doing (the following is all pure speculation of course, but I can't think of a more plausible explanation).

The Avatar animated series, which is honestly one of the best written of all time, had Asian protagonists of various regains and skin tones. Tibetan, Chinese, and some Inuits. It remains one of the network's biggest hits, but I'm convinced the American production house feared what live action Asian actors would do to the movie's bottom line. So they cast the heroes as white folk and the villain (paradoxically the lightest skinned character on the show) as an Indian. What did they do to cover their ass after committing the most recent case of whitewashing in Hollywood history? Hire a vaguely Asian director.

The actors of Precious doing the one thing their characters never did.

As infuriating as his career is...how many great non-white directors can you name? I wouldn't say Spike Lee, he also had one great film followed by a descent into frustrating mediocrity. Help me out here, I really can't think of anyone! Precious was pretty interesting and Monster's Ball was too, but I'm still struggling to call Lee Daniels a great director. As forward and liberal as we like to see Hollywood, it is still almost exclusively a white man's game. As much as I despise Shyamalan as an artist, he clearly knows how to play that game like a champion. So instead of focusing on how bad a director he is, lets be more upset about how there is no one else of merit with an equally diverse cultural background to take his place.

BAM! how's that for a twist article ending? The system was the problem the whole time... wait! Ang Lee.

TROPES VS. WOMEN IN GAMES REVIEW: Lets agree to disagree...about the degree with which I agree with you.

Pictured: Plastic cases. Brass balls.

 Major Borderlands Spoilers:

Its sad that a video series whose entire point is to spark discussion...cannot be discussed in their own comment sections. Normally I'm against censoring comments, but not in this case. The things I've read about women and homosexuals viewed through the lens of the gaming community have made my blood boil. Things that shouldn't  be read and certainly shouldn't be typed. Tropes vs. women in games had an uphill battle from the start and it is a fight that needs many more soldiers. To stare that kind of faceless, irrational, hatred down is something I'm certainly not capable of. So I applaud Anita Sarkeesian for sticking to her guns and not backing down. She was receiving death threats and no one should be shamed for not taking that kind of sh*t.

Whether or not she made too much money and is skirting her budget to buy gucci shoes is irrelevant. She's delivered the product she promised and she could have bought a damn island for all she's accountable for. The amount of scrutiny she's been under is hilarious in a number of ways, I mean, any double standard argument she could make has already been professionally gift wrapped by her critics. If people really wanted her opinions to go unnoticed they shouldn't have said anything at all...her kickstarter  probably wouldn't have been funded either. But she has her finger on a sore spot and the vocal minority has spoken. Politically and emotionally, I couldn't agree more with what she's done here. But speaking as a film critic and a gamer, TVWG is pretty disappointing.

Hmm, gender switching fo- yep. Rule 34'ed myself.

What should have been a thought provoking analysis and discussion of harmful industry trends winds up being a repetitive, choir preaching, lecture. I can't argue with the vast  majority of her talking points, but just because I agree with her opinions does not mean I approve of her methods...or the dry monotone script. This is not something designed to change a gamer's mind about the dark side of their hobby. This is not for us, this is for those on the outside looking in, those who want their worst fears validated. And the worst part about it all, for me personally, is that about 80% of the time she's absolutely right. The kind of storytelling that has passed as inoffensive in this industry is disgusting. The gender switching star fox anecdote she starts her first video off with made me ill. But as the evidence mounts and mounts and mounts some more, nothing cohesive is ever made of any of it. She just moves on to another similar trope. It feels like most of the 25 minutes of each video is spent killing time.

Her second video, once it moves into "the girlfriend in the refrigerator" trope, starts breaking more interesting ground. Not just in sexist storytelling, but sexist video game storytelling specifically. The "killing the love interest to save her" trick was not only much more overdone than I thought, but also more disturbing than I'd ever bothered to realize. Yet this is also the point where she starts citing some pretty ridiculous sources. Duke Nukem Forever?  Really? If you were criticizing sexist tropes of romantic comedies, you'd cite Sleepless in Seattle, not...Overnight Delivery.

"But...I don't want to spend the next 12 years crawling my way back  into movies!"

Many of her sources are forgotten embarrassments rather than influential projects. Though I will admit, those cut scenes are all unbearable outside of the thrall of game play. And I am personally embarrassed for not being more vocal about the inexcusable crap Kratos has gotten away with. But her citation of Angel in Borderlands 2 ruffled my feathers quite a bit, and it does make me question how close attention she paid to her fact finding.  For one, her role as a damsel was a plot twist almost two whole games in the making.

She may have looked like a beautiful woman. But in all except her last scene, she was believed to be an artificial intelligence rebelling against the abusive corporate entity (that winds up being her dad). But even if she was dolled up as a damsel in a tower; she spends the majority of both games giving you guidance, opening doors, and generally saving the player character's bacon. The player does not put her out of her misery, Angel simply facilitates her own murder. I'm sorry, but BL2 was a well written and self aware gem. To see Sarkeesian bulldoze over characters like Tina, Ellie, and Gaige like that does not sit well with me. Though you could make the argument for Lilith as a damsel toward the end.

"This clan war is gonna kick at least seven different flavors of ass" -Ellie

So there. I did not enjoy my time with WVTG, It just wound up being too one sided for my liking. But what about the obvious question of my bias? The answer is yes, I'm a man, I'm bias. It would take a more balanced argument to curb said bias and that did not happen. Just because a documentary isn't wrong, doesn't make it fair or compelling. So I now look forward to GTFO with baited breath. Because its about damn time someone spoke up about that as well.

ARMIKROG!

By the seven sons of Quarter! ...There's going to be a new Neverhood.

 Don't know if you've ever heard of an good ol' game called The Neverhood, but it remains one of my seminal artistic influences. The Neverhood is right up there with a certain yellow haired child and his tiger companion who shall remain nameless (and awesome).

The Neverhood meant a lot to me. It was weird, it was funny, it was hypnotic, and its absurdist approach to biblical philosophy gave me serious insight into my own religious views which helped me understand a little more about the world. An 8 year old me couldn't have asked for more.  

I sincerely dare you to hate this music.

So 16 years later, the proverbial band is back together for its spiritual successor: Armikrog. I have no words. I am genuinely overcome with emotion and as of this writing they're a good $300,000 deep. Which is great and they will definitely get $50 from myself once they start closing the gap a little more.

I'm a fair weather investor. I'm not proud of it, but I just can't afford to throw money at Douglas Tennapple for the hell of it, as much as I'd like to. If this is a project that makes your heart sing in scat blues gibberish...GIVE HERE.

A surgery and an apology.

I've just now woken up from a nice, intense, anesthesia nap (9 straight hours). Suffice it to say, sitting and typing isn't the best thing for my stitches. I'm actually kneeling on the back of my desk chair right now. So, the daily crackpot is going on a little break. Bear with me.

Borderlands 2: KRIEG Review

"Gone are the days of the tentacle and the age of the gods' mercy is far away...We are the fighters of the middle, the second act in the three-part MEAT play, AND I WILL WIN BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR!" -KRIEG

Whelp, BL2 threw out another piece of DLC and I tried to stay away from it...I really did. But after finishing up my Axton run, I just felt compelled. No one does DLC like Gearbox and BL2 is one of those games where if I decide against buying a pack, the game feels like something's missing. I gotta keep it whole.

So four days later and a good seven hours into KRIEG, what do I think? I think he's awesome, that's what I think. Is he worth ten bucks? ...not for everyone, that I don't think. I mean, at first having a playable Psycho (those dudes in white masks on the cover art) seemed too obvious. It felt like they were running out of ideas. Compared to Gaige (the other DLC character) and her wonderful audio logs, playing a whole game as a guy who continuously screams "NIPPLE SALADS!" and "How can I snap your neck if you don't have ONE?!" KRIEG seemed far less ambitious. But what doesn't seem unambitious compared to a runaway, teenage, engineering wunderkind, amputee?

"Punk never dies." -Gaige

But after just twenty minutes with the guy, I fell for him. All his little masks, the fact his skin names are in all caps, how he seamlessly fits into the world of Pandora, and how his buzz saw manages to be even more fun than Brick's fists. I should explain, every minute and a half KRIEG can go into a psychotic (natch)  melee based rage to wail on midgets and bad asses alike. Every kill fills your health to the brim allowing you to chain more and more. But keep in mind his rage never becomes a "I win" button, 'cause ol' Kriegy is very much a glass cannon. If you don't plan it right, you can go down before your first kill and even if you second wind, the gauge will be empty and you have to scramble to cover.

Everything is a double edged sword with Krieg. Dumping skill points into "feed the meat" gives you a huge boost of health, but it will make your shield delay that much longer. There are also great remixes to the traditional buff skills thrown in, like an entire new way to get a second wind. With "Light The Fuse" instead of using your guns you throw out little bundles of dynamite which detonate when the second wind gauge runs out, reviving you if you manage to kill an enemy with them. I'm personally not a fan of it, but it is delightfully different and still pretty fun.

"Uhgggggg... the choices are pretzeling my INNER LOBES!" -KRIEG

I haven't finished up a skill tree with him yet, but I'd say I've still gotten my money's worth. The character is charismatic in his screaming, cackling, yet weirdly articulate kind of way and I enjoy hearing what he has to say. His skills are fun, but more importantly, they are different and interesting. I'd go as far to say he's a hell of a lot more fun than Mya was and I liked Mya. So Gearbox continues their streak of excellent DLC. If you've ever wanted to be a psycho, your ticket to ride is $10. Have fun out there.

Arrested Development: How do you tell an old flame you've moved on?

This really happened people, a whole new season of Arrested Development! I should be bouncing off the walls, barely able to contain my excitement. And the thing is, I would have been... four years ago. I loved Arrested Development, all its perfectly intricate running gags, how it could be simultaneously subtle and absurd, and Mrs Featherbottom...oh, Mrs. Featherbottom.

 

I'm still going to tear through the whole season like nobodies business, but I should be just a little excited. But in fact, I'm more angry Liberace is punting the next Game of Thrones episode a week down the line. That's weird right? The next season of Thrones is a sure a thing as sure things get...Arrested is a damn unicorn. Why am I not excited?!

I guess I've moved on, I couldn't pine over the Bluths forever and I've found new love for Community and Parks and Rec. But I still have a soft spot and I know as soon as I boot up the first episode I'll forget all about how much I've trained my self not to care anymore.

I can't wait.

Baseless Speculation: What will the end of used games actually do?

Look you guys! Look how monochrome!

So, the Xbox One cat is out of the bag and I don't have too many strong feelings about it. Well, I do have strong feelings about them allegedly planting cheerers in the press conference audience like North Korea at the Olympics, but lets move on. I don't have a dog in this fight and I am very curious to see how this console race shakes out. Right now I'd say the PS4 is winning the PR arms race, but I think we all know the cheaper console is going to win no matter what. Because that's where the economy is and because Sony hasn't stuck its foot in its mouth...yet.

But there are more aspects to a "cheaper" console than the initial price point and that's the used game market. No one is going to buy all their games at $60. That's absurd. I think the saturation of Gamestop  proves my point. People can get their games anywhere, but they flock to Gamestop for the discounts. I'm sure Sony and Microsoft would love to live in a world where they were like the big department stores. In which their "sales discounts" were what the product was actually worth and they could sell it at an inflated price for the rest of the year. Here's the thing though, and its really one of the best things about gamers as a consumer: We're too smart for that crap and will not take it lying down.

Ergo, gamers are reading the fine print about how Xbox One games can only be installed on "one" system and if you try to play the same disk on another (even if you already own it) you'll hit a pay wall (or will you? *rolls eyes*). The community has now become noticeably upset. We hear how the Xbox Neo will  "totally" support used games, but come on, they'll tell us anything we want to hear because we haven't bought it yet.  Like all sweeping security measures, this one will be attributed to piracy eventually and I can understand that.  But I'd like to float the idea that since video games are a digital medium and can be copied an infinite number of times; there comes a point where they can become devilishly cheap and will still be able to turn a handsome profit.

Steam in a minute!

I'll admit I used to be quite the pirate for games I was on the fence for. But once I stopped worrying and began to love the Steam I realised that there were other approaches to marketing video games. In that, games I wouldn't dream of buying ended up clogging my Steam library because there was a 24 hour sale for them at $7.50.

$7.50! The cheapest game worth a damn I've ever seen at a Gamestop is $15. The idea that a game makes all its real sales within its first two weeks of release is insane.Talented studios have been closed over this antiquated barometer of success and no one ever seems to blame the marketers for forcing a release at the wrong time. But with a daily deal system where you could easily find the newest Assassins Creed for $15 six months later, you'll sell many more copies than you would have at some BS sale price of $35.50. That's the entire point of a sale, a slightly higher profit margin with a strengthened brand awareness. I know I wasn't on the AC band wagon until AC II was going for $20. Well, until Revelations anyway... god, that was boring.

Unless you REALLY liked Suleiman the First.

Yet as much as I'd like to see all that, the wind is blowing in the direction of a dead used market. It bears mentioning that used sales profits only go to the store and not to the studio or publisher. In fact, that's why all games now have DLC, because that does go straight to the content creators. In the end, I think we all love games, and will do what it takes to get our fix. I'm not ignorant of the possibility of Sony and Microsoft (Nintendo will just make more money printing handhelds) stabbing Gamestop in the back to make one more console generation possible.

So I personally don't think the end of traditional used games will change a damn thing. It was already money producers never saw and there are ways to make similar sales systems while also cutting out brick and mortar store outlets (but that's a whole 'nuther rant). The real question, one I don't have the slightest clue how to answer, is what happens to the AAA market when all legitimate outlets sell them for a fixed price. All I can say is that's a really stupid, and shortsightedly greedy, idea...that's probably going to happen eventually.

Well that's depressing, you know what?, I'm gonna make a drink and play Psychonauts!