Blogspot ate my homework.

So... I was gonna publish my Winter solider review today then do something special for my anniversary tomorrow. But fug it. I'm pissed I managed to piss away 800 words after slacking off for 4 days already. I'll do better next year, I promise.

Borderlands 2: The Pre-sequal, Handsome Jack Rising.

   I know I promised you guys a winter soldier review, and I know I promised you guys a goty article on Bioshock Infinite... I'm actually pretty torn up about that. I never sounded convincing enough, it read too much like a true believer instead of objective criticism. I wasn't going to change anyone's mind with it, and it felt like a failure in that regard.

But uh... I don't care about that right now, because there's Borderlands news and it is both surprising and positive. The so called "pre-sequal" is set in between the events of Borderlands 1 and 2 on the infamous Hyperion moon base. We'll see Jack at a better time in his life. A less self absorbed/megalomaniac part of his character arc. If that was all the lore updates they had for me, I'd be more than satisfied. But this is gearbox. This is their flagship and they haven't let this world down yet.

Because Wilhelm (Jack's right hand) and Athena (ex-atlus assassin who hasn't been seen since waaaaaay back in the first game) are playable characters. Even if the game is a cash grab, they've proven to me several times over that no one has more fun with cash grabs than these guys... in terms of Borderlands.

I'm aware of the shady BS surrounding Colonial Marines. How they shoved that piece of garbage out the door and probably siphoned funds from SEGA to fund Borderlands 2 in the bargain. But again, this is Borderlands. The most intentionally funny RPG series ever. One that never seems to get the creative respect it deserves. While this may be out sourced to an Australian dev team, Anthony Birch is still at the creative helm, and he's done a spectacular job so far. Even if it gets absolutely toxic reviews, I'll still pick it up on a steam sale.

I mean come on... Jack's back!

Thanks Polygon!

Look at that shiny MALIWAN something-or-other... god I want it.

Ever wanted to see characters from Breaking Bad in Street Fighter? Well too bad!

Animated by Junior Jessman:

Did you see Hector at the end there? Sometimes I wish I could just hug the whole damn internet!

Happy Weekend Everybody!

Burial at Sea ep 2 Review: heureux, heureux à en mourir

And with that, Irrational games is dead. The studio that personally justified my jump to the last generation, and breathed life in into a fictional world that's up there with wonderland and middle earth, is "restructuring."

Though this may not mean that the Bioshock series is "over," it's creator has washed his hands of it, and whoever takes up the mantle next will have a target the size of the entire critical community on his/her back. But there is one morsel left, the finale of Infinite's story DLC: Burial at Sea. A stealth based romp through Rapture's secret prison and a teary farewell to both Rapture and Columbia.

I know the general reception has been tepid, and I happen to agree with the majority of their points. The plot gets lost more than Carmon Santiago in a Where's Waldo convention, and the ret-conning of Fitzroy's homicidal motivation is as hamfisted as it is unnecessary. I've always thought the turn of Fitzroy from humble people's champion while in hiding, to tunnel visioned murderer in victory; was not only an accurate portrayal of actual uprisings, but a damning commentary of how violence begets violence ad infinitum. Really, a foreshadowing of the finale's multi-dimensional dilemma.

And while I had hoped Burial would at least answer more questions that it raised, and that we'd get treated to a heapin' helping of Andrew Ryan one last time, both of those hopes were dashed. I walked out more confused than I went in (why the hell do we care about SALLY?!), and Ryan only makes the one cameo. But you know what? This wasn't about giving me what I expected. I wasn't expecting the opening sequence to be so beautiful, so hilarious, and just so goddamned perfect. I wasn't expecting to see so much of ol' Frankie Fontaine, I will play though episode 2 just to see his last scene again. It's also just so goddamned perfect.

Hey it's the rumbler! Levine almost referenced Bioshock 2! That must have been painful for him.

I didn't think you could so easily remix Infinite's combat to strictly a stealth affair so easily. But it works like a charm. Playing as Elizibeth, but without her tear powers, is a world apart from Booker's bullet hell repertoire. But once you get oriented, Rapture becomes a much more dangerous and satisfying place. I'd say the whole episode lasts a solid 6 hours, if you really want to root around for plasmid upgrades and secrets. But but the real focus is on the story. As occasionally disappointing as it is, everyone is on point and the dialogue is razor sharp. I knew there were missing pieces here and there (Atlus sets you up to raid Ryan's compound and it never really happens), but I didn't care. They say a great movie is one with 3 good scenes and no bad ones. By that logic, Burial at Sea was a fine conclusion.

There's a fun stealth shooter/survival game underneath it's story driven exterior. But all you'll remember, and care about, is whether or not it ends. Whether it ends well and whether it sets itself up for a sequel. The answer is yes. This is a definitive end for Ken Levine's Bioshock titles. I liked it. I'll definitely play it again and have just as much fun with it. The fact I'll probably never see a game with this kind of budget from Mr. Levine again is saddening.

It feels like he's just getting started. It's a damn shame this is where he and Bioshock part ways. Even if you hated Infinite you owe it to yourself to see what they've done here. Even if you're disappointed, you'll still be fascinated. Because there are 3 perfect moments that will make it all worth it.

And with that, I say goodbye to Bioshock. Most likely, forever.

I did it. I finally shot up with an MMO.

I love video games. That's not a secret, and while I wouldn't describe what I do to be much of a problem, I do know what I can be capable of. Say, after a nasty break up, I'd fall down a civilization hole for a few weeks. So I always made a point to stay away from MMO's. One; because I don't need to know if they'd become an issue for me, and two, I'm not going to subscribe to something I'd already dropped 60 bones on.

This, compounded with the fact I find the vast majority of high fantasy (elves, dwarfs, etc.) beyond tedious, meant nothing in the genre caught my eye regardless. But The Secret World looked different. It threw the typical swords and sorcery bunk out the window and sank it's teeth into techno myths. That originality and possibility sounded like something I'd end up at least appreciating. But there was both a hefty subscription and tepid reviews, both of which have reversed* in the last couple years. The subscription is gone and it's unsung creative successes floated to the surface. Then Steam sold the game, all it's major dlc, and some starting loot for $20.

Even if it physically bit me in the ass, it was a steal. I mean, The Last Remnant made my CPU scream like the shoe from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but that was under $4 so... I honestly didn't mind. I also don't mind TSW so far. The writing's ok, the story doesn't start with a lore dump, and I'm getting the hang of the camera movement. I can't see myself getting addicted though, and it's just as well. If it wasn't for Steam I'd never have even given this genre the time of day. That's why I love those guys.

*I mean, look at those user reviews.

 I am for this kind of batsh*t enemy design, ALL. DAY. LONG.

Noah rises to the top of the box office.

It's always interesting to see what happens to these kinds of movies financially. Religious/Atheist hemming and hawing aside, there's only one kind of faith that runs Hollywood and it is in the all mighty dollar. The short answer is, this did pretty well for itself. The long answer is it grossed about 44.5 million and averaged a B on cinema score.

I like this news for a couple reasons. One, that reactionary criticism from both sides didn't dampen America's interest in a really weird movie. Two, it could open the flood gates (sorry) for some crazy gnostic gospel adaptations. Three, I like Darren Aronofsky, even though he seemed to get away with a metric ton of wholesale plagiarism. But you know, he's still pretty great overall, and he did buy the rights to perfect blue so... yeah that's fair, I guess. So good for Noah, it sounds like a solid time at the movies. I'll probably see it eventually, and the fact Noah eventually turns into Jack Nicholson from the shining sounds amazing. I mean, the guy left every human outside of his family to drown. That would make most of us one wave short of a ship wreck... again, sorry.

Dungeon of the Endless: It's very nearly almost totally ready!

For the last couple of months I've been fooling around in the early access of Dungeon of the Endless. A procedurally-generated turn-based rogue-like tower-defense RPG. That's a hell of a mouthful, but over the last couple of weeks it's managed to become one hell of a game.

It's not technically finished yet, but what's on sale is well worth the asking price. Once you get your head around the strengths and weakness of your convicts; then learn how to ration your food, (level up juice) industry, (tower defense tokens) and science, (for SCIENCEING!) you'll be in too deep to let go.

I guarantee the first time you find the exit to level 2, you will die both quickly and hilariously. Then you'll start again, and again, and again. I'm having a blast in there and I hope you'll feel the same.

Get the Founder Pack, you know you want to...