Watchdogs PC has snark in it's code.

I'm... having a hard time finishing watchdogs. Sometimes I'm having a great time with it, other times I'm couldn't be bothered to put five more minutes into if you were offering free booze. Some of those issues are with the PC version alone. It's an ubisoft port, I expect the fps to drop to 30 a bunch. But what's crazy is that dropping shadows and anti-aliasing (big ticket performance hogs) doesn't affect the frame rate. AT ALL. In any other game I'd be getting double the performance out of it. It's as irritating as it is bizarre. Never unplayable, but it rides my patience something fierce. But to be fair, they've been trying to patch it since release and they say they're getting close.

But it's been quite a long time since release, and coders have been kicking the tires ever since. What they've found is surprising. For one, remember how good it looked at E3 2012? And how all of a sudden it started to look far, FAR, jankier in demos a year later? Well that sh*t's still in there. Though unoptimized, and frankly, not all that impressive as it forces the world detail down to medium. But still, stuff like that is why I love PC gaming. It's a wild west of coders and artists out here. Patching things and modding for free.

But the cherry on top is a messege deep in the game's code floating around where the abandoned effects are that says:

... I do. I CARE.

Superego's Knell before Zod... 's Public Defender.

This may be the funniest sketch they ever did, it's definitely in my top 3. I mean even while improvising Patton Oswalt is still both A. funny as hell, and B. stays convincingly in character while Zod's going off on how much droopy cleavage disgusts him. I actually think this one's a little funnier without the animation so... I don't know, close your eyes?

-also starring Chris Tallman

I haven't forgotten you, Crackpot!

 

I've just been busy... well, more tired than busy. I got on the front page of the Sunday paper this week, for what it's worth. Any who, I'm sorry I stayed away. You don't do this sort of thing for the money. Because online ads are as tacky as they are depressing. But mostly because I wouldn't get chicken feed for em'. I got bills, man...

ADDENDUM: The Protagonist of Farcry 4 is... anouther white guy. Or is HEEEEEEE?!

Seems pretty damning from this distance...

False alarm, I guess.

I'd like to thank Chance the blogger (whose blog is linked on the right ) for the correction. That wooshing sound you're hearing is my massive sigh of relief over Ubisoft making the right decision. Though he's still Jason Brody's Nepalese brother from another mother...

And you can't stay mad at evil Troy Baker. You physically can't.

I guess I'm a professional journalist now.

The blood sweat and tears that went into my English degree has finally, finally, led to actual financial gain. All $50 dollars of it. I wrote a small piece on a local Latin cultural festival, but I'm having a hard time focusing on that.

I have my hands around an actual, honest to god, career now. It's only been a year since I graduated, I honestly thought I'd be in the service industry a hell of a lot longer than that. I feel good. I feel DAMN good. I feel "gin and tonic staring into the middle distance" good. My education actually got me somewhere... somewhere I had actually intended it to go! 

You should see the ridiculous image in my head right now. Both my journalistic idols slapping me on my shoulder, vicariously proud of my tentative step into a beleaguered but proud profession. Oh if only there were a gif that perfectly encapsualted my...


 oh wait, here we go:

Netflix is back in Black. But also Orange. Because orange is the new black is... you know what? It's not worth it.

Orange is the new Black is back for season 2, live on the web. It's all up there for your binging pleasure. I'm not going too much into detail if you're not in the mood this week. But let me say that if you were looking for the immediate fallout between Piper and Warden Healy... you're gonna be disappointed. 

It really feels like we've jumped straight to season 3. And would you believe I mean that as a compliment?

Dark Souls 2 DLC on the way!

I really, really, liked Dark Souls 2. But not as much as the first, either because I could see it's nastiest tricks coming most of the time, or the setting wasn't as inspired. I don't know, I should probably write a review...

Anyway, let's gab about The Lost Crowns! A three part dlc epic ($9.99 a piece or $24.99 for the season pass) expected to drop on July 22, August 26, and then September 24. Isn't that nice of them? TellTale never gives specific release dates...

Here's a link to the video, IGN and blog spot aren't getting along so I can't embed it here. But I can give you From software's deetful press release.

Some mighty fine deets right there. I mean, don't you wanna know what makes an ability... esoteric?