Slime Rancher has one really important question to ask. Do you need a hug?

You never appreciate how much games these days are drenched in blood, guts, and monochrome until something like slime rancher comes along. I don't know what I'm doing. My pink slimes have all hopped out of their cages, my rock slimes are starving, and I can't get carrots to grow fast enough. But slime rancher don't care. Slime Rancher just wants you to have a good time. And thus... I am.

Here's a car. You want it?

It's sad that the single best ad I've seen all year is just a skit for the filmmaker's girlfriend. As a guy with an amazing 1999 Toyota Camry I get this love. It's a car that Works. With a capital W. Sell me that, Madison ave.

The Sound of 2017

MadBaek

I'm in the process of throwing together my game of the year post and I need some thinkin' music. These selections in NO way mirror my choices... at all. What? Don't look at me like that. I don't need your sass, private!

Soft Girl's cover of Night in the Wood's Weird Autumn by Scott Benson:



Hollow Knight's Soul Sanctum by Christopher Larkin:



Cuphead's Floral Fury by Kristofer Maddigan:



Horizon's Maker's End by Alexis Smith and Joe Henson:



Prey's Semi Sacred Geometry by Raphaël Colantonio:

Stranger Things 2 Review: The Abyss Stares Back.

Has it been a year already? No. It's been a year, 3 months, and 12 days since Stranger Things burrowed deep into my genre fiction loving heart. It's officially a big frikkin' deal now. One of those things you have to see. I personally made a bunch of my friends sit down and watch it. Even threw in two 5ths of vodka for free. I don't evangelize very often but then a show like this is exceedingly rare even for peak TV.

There's an old adage for film students to never make kids your protagonists. Good actors are rare enough. Good child actors even more so. I don't know what kind of sacrificial ritual it took to stack this show's deck so full but I'm not questioning providence. Even the teenagers are killer and only one of them looks 30-ish. You wanna pick apart ST's interdimensional shenanigans, fine. I'll admit the plotting this year was a bit repetitive. My point is I'd watch this cast do damn near anything. So what did they do this time?

Hawkins Indiana has done what all small towns do when a when a tragedy sweeps through, they forget as hard as they can. Will Byers is alive! Fantastic. Why did we have a funeral for him? Who cares. Who was the kid they fished out of the quarry? Doesn't matter! What about Barb? She ran away and that's that. Now close the curtain.

I wish my 7th grade science teacher taught me about Phineas Gage

The return to relative normalcy gives the show a chance to flesh out Lucas and Dustin a bit more and that really made me smile. Lucas's family is delightful and Matarazzo is a budding comic god. There's a scene where Dustin has to convince his mom to leave the house and while nothing he says on paper is "funny" I had to rewind twice to drink it all in. He could sell snow to a polar bear, I guess is what I'm saying. It's also nice to see Lucas's race inform his character more than last year. He gets a crush on a white girl in a story line that gets depressingly realistic as it goes along and there's an argument between him and Mike about why Mike doesn't want to be Winston Zeddemore for Halloween that gets Real.

Just about the only folks who drift into the background this year are Mike and Johnathan. But Mike's got "It" going on and Johnathan... dude's got problems IRL. The true MVP is Noah Schnapp's stunning commitment to the ever suffering Will. You don't see a lot of stories about kids with PTSD because there just arn't a bunch of 13 year olds that can break your heart like this. He is asked to do some truly crazy sh*t. Flashbacks, teary eyed breakdowns, seizures, and multiple poss-...nope that's a  spoiler. Out of everyone in the best ensemble cast since Firefly this guy deserves the Emmy. You just wanna to reach through the screen and hug em'.

On the plot oriented front I was a fan of a number of changes. The newer, friendlier, face of government run mad science (an outstanding Paul Reiser) helps muddy the motives of what exactly Hawkins Power and Light wants. I love how Joyce's new relationship (Sean Astin) starts in media res, Eleven's current living situation is brilliant, and I like how Mike turned into a mopey little jerk since El left him. I can relate.

Pay no attention to the only legible word in that foreshadowing graffiti...

The new kids in town have their detractors, Max is kinda Mary Sue-ish and Billy is a bit of a one note bully. Who's clearly in his early 20's. But I do like where both of their characters end up at the end of the season, arc wise, and their performances are solid. You do get the sense that her need to hang out with the D&D party is less story driven and has more to do with loneliness. Plus when they push her away she pushes right back. Billy is also a hell of a lot better than last season's stab at the Stephen King bully and the scene he shares with Mike's mom near the end was so funny I was gasping for air. You make me laugh like that once a season... you can stay.

I'm also grateful the central conflict isn't just the same stuff but bigger. The creature from the upside down is smarter and angrier. It knows how it failed last time and adapts. A force of nature villain with a personally sadistic twist. I would have loved to know more about the Mind Flayer, though I understand I'm asking series finale type questions here. We're only halfway done at the very least. Heck, maybe the less we know the better.

Then there's episode 7. Maybe you've heard about it. It uhhhhhh, it is not great. The show decides to  have a pilot for a spin off right after the season's biggest cliffhanger. After watching it a second time I don't dislike it as much. But also I wouldn't be heartbroken if we never see any of those new characters again. ST's casting black magic had to wear out some time and it didn't help that the writing quality dipped sharply too. Though Eleven does make some important character choices, I did appreciate that. But come on Duffers, if you use those guys in the future you gotta tighten that dialogue up. Otherwise I'd recommend introducing 06 or 07 instead.

So my buddy Will likes to... draw.

But the last 2 episodes are a roller coaster. So good that I broke my one promise to myself to take at least 24 hours to finish. It's very much Aliens to season 1's Alien and it was scrumptious. Once again everybody gets something to do and it doesn't all revolve around a big glowing hole in the sky. I mean... it is 25% that but the climax has a lot more on it's mind than most. Particularly a scene where everyone shares a personal story about Will. Joyce tells one about a box of crayons she got him for his 8th birthday and it utterly, utterly, wreaked me. Stuff like that cuts straight to the heart of what I get from this show that I don't see anywhere else. Sincerity.

These characters deal with sci fi scenarios like I imagine most people would. There aren't any pithy monologues about saving the world. There's finger pointing, arguing, and name calling. When a 3 story shadow monster bears down on Will, he cries. When the gang is surrounded by monsters they run. When they are about to face certain death... they hold hands. The presence of these life threatening scenarios realistically wears them down and I emphasize with them more than any other cast on the air.

Maybe it's corny. Certainly some of it is, there's a "it's not your fault" type scene in ep 9 I'm not crazy about. But I love it because it hits so much more than it misses and I'm glad I'm not alone. So sit down, mix a vodka tonic, and have some whipped cream'n'Halloween candy suicide waffles.

My treat.

Battle Chasers Review: Just One More Turn.

A girl and her war golem.

Battle Chasers: Night War is a delicate high wire act. It has grand ambitions and a vanishingly small crowdfunded budget. Personally, it's one of the most pleasant surprises in a year filled with them and is definitely on my GOTY list. But it might not be on yours. Let's talk about that.

The burning question is how much repetition, level grinding, material hunting, and palette swapped enemies can you endure for the best turn based combat you may ever ever play? Because I made it 60+ hours over 2 weeks. I fell madly in love with it's combat and mechanics. Going to the ends of it's earth to trick out my party in the best possible gear. That meant replaying dungeons at least once and hunting down all the optional bosses. I can see how some might find that tedious but I liked the ways the game itself tried to change it's pace.

When you start a dungeon you can choose an easy or hard mode. Finishing it on either difficulty gets you a loot box, naturally harder modes get you better loot boxes. Yet it goes deeper than that. Harder versions of dungeons (which are all randomly generated as well) spawn puzzles. Good ones. Miniature adventure game quests that are way more inventive then they need to be. Settling a score between rival weapon dealers, solving decent riddles, programing a war bot to love, and those are just my favorites. They take maybe 5 minutes a piece and were much more meaningful discoveries to me than just another loot chest.

But I'd put up with a lot more just to get to the combat. Which is inexplicably good. Your character's roles are starkly defined. Your tank needs to draw fire, your rogue needs to kill stuff as fast as possible, and your healer... needs to heal. Some deviation from that plan is fine. Gully, the tank, has some neat shielding abilities if Calibretto, the healer, is busy. Garrison, the rogue, can make enemies bleed which can lead to multiple battle winning gambits. There's nothing like watching an enemy bleed out just before he kills one of your own. But too much deviation, like 2 turns worth, can be devastating in the simplest of battles. You can never take your eye off the ball and I love that. I can't say much for the rest of the game's 6 characters. Except for Red Monika but we'll get to her. I had too much fun with the starting 3 to feel like switching up. I also didn't feel like level grinding for characters I hadn't spent my perk point books on.

Speaking of!

The amount of time I've spent on this screen is... abhorrent.

I need to give a shout out to the perk trees. The game's secret sauce that kept me hooked for weeks. They all have 2. Offensive and defensive. Although those seem to just be guidelines. You'll flip back and forth weighing options. Do you go all in on one tree and get mastery bonuses? Or do you trick out your favorite skills by spreading the love around? Certain builds work great for dungeon crawling but are crap for bosses. The opposite is also true. You will never be completely satisfied and yet you are being drip fed perk points constantly. Playing the game smart can get you points faster but not fast enough! The PP economy is genius, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

But as for Red, well the phrase "chain mail bikini" doesn't do her justice. She's a relic from a darker time. She's an obnoxious pin up that chafes with the rest of the game's glowing design choices. I know this is based on a comic book series from the early 2000's, but jeeeeeze. Can't I get her to equip a sweater? Or some pants?!

Regardless, this is a damn fine RPG from Kickstarter and all that entails. The end game nearly collapses under the weight of a thousand palette swaps and the final boss disappoints. But Battle Chasers was really all about the journey and I had a hell of a time. A solid number score escapes me, but I would have gladly coughed up $50 for it. If and when they start crowdfunding a sequel I am DOWN.

Now who wants some wallpaper?

Oh I've only gotten a little bit through Stranger Things 2...

...the second time. God help me, I love this show so much and I owe it to all you people to tamp my mania down into a coherent argument for this blog and the podcast. But yeah, season 2 is REAL good. Real gud.

Stranger Things premiere at 3:00 AM EST.

Not that I'm pulling an all nighter or anything. Maybe. If it's really good. I have work tomorrow. I can't do this to myself. F*%k, those reviews are glowing...

Pouring one out for battleborn...

You had really really really REALLY bad timing. But you were fun, funny, and well designed. You deserved a place in the sun and it's a damn shame you never got out of Overwatch's shade. A fine game that I do concede is technically "better." I wish there was room for both. Or that there were active lobbies even 4 months after launch. 

Here's a Chance inspired fan art dump!

And you Isic... I'll miss you most of all.

C&C Episode 94: Thanks Chamberlain!

This week we talk about Chamberlain's early Christmas gift. I disagree with Chance on cuphead and couldn't agree with him more on Battle Chasers. I also out myself as a shameless true crime dork. People like BTK can't be "underrated" I realize that now...

Two out of three ain't bad

 

Mindhunter Review: How's your mom?

Mindhunter isn't the exactly the best police procedural I've ever seen. It isn't even the best new show this year ( The Keepers). But nevertheless I INHALED it. Horked it all down in less than 48 hours. Would you have enjoyed David Fincher's Zodiac if it was 10 hours long? Because that's exactly what it is even though it covers several more killers.

This is a meatball sub. You know what's in it but that doesn't mean it can't surprise you. The bread is a garlic baguette made fresh that morning, the meatballs are grass fed beef, and the red sauce is a Sicilian family secret centuries old. Nothing here is going to win any awards but I could watch this show once a week for the rest of my life. You know... if there was a new one each week.


This is meant to be a deep dive into the dawn of behavioral science in law enforcement but it shines as a nickel tour of American serial killers time forgot. Ed Kemper, Jerry Brudos, and even Monte Rissell get... justice doesn't feel like the right word. Great performances at any rate. If you love true crime like I do, you're gonna get a kick out of the many interview segments that break up the character drama. Which is sadly the weakest link.

It's not a deal breaker but it does feel like filler compared to how electric the procedural elements end up being. Holden Ford ( the hundredth character based on John E. Douglas) is a teacher at Quantico who is deeply frustrated by why motiveless spree killings keep happening. He teams up with the older Bill Tench as they go on the road teaching various police stations about "sequence killing" by day and interviewing a murderer's row of... murderers by night.

Their personal relationships needed more work. Johnathan Groff just isn't as talented as his girlfriend Hannah Gross. She kinda acts circles around him and you wonder why she keeps putting up with his stodgy self centered BS. Not that Groff is "bad" he really shines during interrogations. But during the relationship scenes he is just so devastatingly charmless.

Anna Torv eventually gets on board as the basement crew's psychologist/M. and I'm stunned why she doesn't get more work. She's perfect for film noire and Fincher's low key baroque style is a wonderful fit. It's honestly a shame we don't see more of Tench's and her personal life. I found his adoptive parent situation and her dilemma of leaving her professorship to start over much more interesting than Ford's flailing attempts at romance.

To be fair their relationship arc is pretty great.

But ultimately it's the meatballs that make or break this sandwich and the mystery vignettes are spectacular. One is a hunt, the other a he said/she said clusterf*&k that tears a small town apart and one more involving a elementary school principle that is something that should win a writing Emmy. It won't but I'd vote for it. They hammer home just how radical this method of getting into killers heads, empathizing with them, and predicting what they'll do next seemed to people at the time. Killers were born killers. Nothing you could do about it.

There's a great running gag with a beat cop who waits for the road school to be over and comes up to them before they leave and says "so there's this one guy..." There were always one or two cops that saw truly horrific killers slip through the cracks in their methods. Without guys like that, Douglas's research may never have been proven right and so many more killers may have gotten away with  higher body counts. Mindhunters shows how effective cooperation can be and never talks down to the locals.

Lastly, my favorite point the show makes is something I've noticed over the past year or so devouring true crime podcasts and reading The Man with the Candy. It's that scant few serial killers are actually "born" that way. Most suffered incredible kinds of abuse physical or otherwise. Most had absent parents or were never listened to when they cried for help in their own way. They aren't Hannibal Lector, in fact most are fairly dim. Sympathy is a strong word for what Mindhunter says they deserve but it makes a fine point in saying that most people haven't been through what they have and they are far more pathetic than popular fiction would have you believe.

The dialogue may be overwrought at times and it's relationships a little soapy. Yet I found this show impeccably researched and refreshingly honest. The only huge knock I have against it is the foreshadowing of BTK. He's teased in 8 of the episodes, mostly before the opening credits for only 10 seconds. They treat him like the season's big bad but he doesn't get caught until 2005. If they did some day in the life stuff with him, great. But there's barely any of that. So there you go. An occasionally gripping true crime drama with a sub plot involving a creepy home security installer that goes nowhere. Enjoy!

FringeDivision4Life.

My Cuphead runneth over.

My podcasting buddy Chamberlain asked Chance and I for our steam ID's today. Maybe he's in the market for a gaming pc, I hoped against hope, but no. It was so he could give us both an early Christmas present, two copies of Cuphead. It is from the bottom of my heart that I say...

Thanks dude. For realz.

A Belated Birthday Gift.

Mmmmmm... fluffy.

When my older sis gets presents she never repeats herself. Whether it's a cutting tool to turn beer bottles into drinking glasses or a vice grip for those sticky jar lids; it's always weirdly useful left field stuff. This year she's outdone herself. Mugs with recipes written all over them that can be made in the mug. I just whisked myself a fine portabello and red pepper omelette in less than 4 minutes. Its just dawned on me that I've no frying pan and spatula to clean.

This changes f*%iking everything.

Civ VI's new update notes bury the lede.

You'll hurt yourself craning your neck like that.

New UI tweaks... nice, I get it. The flood of updates telling you what all the players were building each turn was drowning the screen, that's neat. The AI will now build navies, I had noticed they never seemed to. Weird. Oh and uhhhhhhhh, warrior monks. F*%ING warrior monks. Finally your late game stock pile of faith can pull your ass out of a war. That's awesome, Civ VI. Never stop gradually becoming the best in the series. You're definitely my favorite.

War of the Chosen Review: The Glorious Cause.

Firaxis has a habit of making near perfect games. Then they have a habit of making old school, honest to god, expansion packs that crawl closer to perfection than you thought possible. No game is "perfect" but no one has the art of striving for it down harder than this company. Civ V started out disappointing but eventually came into it's own. Xcom 2 started out great and is now... well, now its f$%ing amazing.

To be fair $40 is a huge asking price and unless you know exactly what you want out of this dlc you could get burned. Do you want more maps and mission types? How about more soldier classes? An espionage mini game? If all that sounds good to you then this is money well spent. But did you try, and despise, the alien hunters DLC like I did? Then this becomes a harder sell.

Because this massive content pack is centered around a trio of sumptuously well animated alien assassins. If you are not a fan of enemies with health bars a mile long popping out of nowhere and ruining your mission strategy, you are not going to like them. WOC is designed to break you. It sees you turtling up and using overwatch like you have a million times before. It sees you and it laughs. New enemies and one of the chosen are straight up immune to overwatch. A massive chink in my strategic armor that humbled me to the point of having to crawl to easy mode. I'd never touched it in XCOM 2, I wasn't particularly jazzed about it. But it was for the best.



WOC has changed the game to the point where you have to re-learn it. It is absolutely worth putting weapons research on hold to focus on the resistance ring, the new espionage feature, which is also the only way to put the Chosen down for good. I love it. It took some time, but the main series has finally taken up the best idea from The Bureau. In that game you could send your raw recruits on off screen away missions and train them up without having to deal with their freshman bullsh*t. There are tons of different stuff you can make them do. Whether you need supplies, weapon upgrades, contacts in other countries, even knocking a few notches off the doomsday clock. Whatever direction you need to go in the resistance ring will put your lowly squaddies to good use. It's magnificent.

If there's one thing I didn't really enjoy after about 2 playthroughs (one easy one normal) is that the game can spam an obnoxious amount of enemies while also throwing a chosen at you. Once I had a mission where there were 7 turns before a bomb went off. It would take 4 turns to disarm it and it was surrounded by 2 captains and 6 faceless.

Six. Six of these muthers.

Often XCOM is frustrating and sometimes the only way out involves losing a good soldier... but that mission was goddamn impossible. It wasn't the only time I ran up against that crap either. It was super rare but I knew that eventually the game could decide to stop playing fair and that was a super sh*ty feeling.

Other than all THAT though, I found the new soldier classes fun at worst and indispensable at best. The skirmishers, advent hybrids who have defected and have grappling hook attacks, are a fun compliment to the rangers. If they get a little too stab happy and are pinned down at the end of their turn, your skirmisher can hook an enemy up to their high ground. They'll get a melee attack in and even knock them out for a few turns. The codexes can't clone themselves after a grapple attack... food for thought.

The templars are a melee based psyonic class which you can snag real early in the game if you get the ring up and running. Their sub-machine guns are less than useless. But their armor ignoring gauntlets coupled with being able to block the first attack on the next turn are NOT.

The reapers stole my heart. Stealth was never something you could rely on in the vanilla game. You could build a ranger around it but even then it wasn't a card you could play more than twice a mission. If you're careful, the reapers can LIVE in stealth, just as long as they always get the kill shot. With a reaper my odds of a flawless mission went up 30% and they made that irritating UFO ambush mission a breeze. With a reaper and a few snipers I could take out entire squads without ever alerting them. The skirmishers are fun, the templars are fantastic, but the reapers changed the entire way I approached the game.

As someone who really enjoyed XCOM 2 and WOC even more so... I can still see people balking at the price tag. If you were bored of what the original game demanded of you but still want to dive back in, this is for you. If you haven't touched XCOM 2 and see a 25% deal for it some time down the road prepare to watch the next 2 weeks of your life evaporate. It may not technically be perfect, what in this world is? But it's as close as this series has ever gotten.

Good luck, Commander.

Hopscotch Purgatory.

Sometimes games grab you and don't let go for a week or two. But all good things must end and eventually you have to find something else to do. I usually wind up jumping from game to game from my shame pile trying to re bottle that magic. Suffice it to say, The Long Dark is no War of the Chosen.

Maybe some of you out there enjoy waiting 30 seconds to see if your digital fire catches but I'm still not on board with games that sit you in front of timers more than anything else. So now what? Civ VI? Maybe. After a game and a half I usually drop it for a couple weeks.

What to do...

The Good Place is, in actuality, the best place.

Here be spoilers.

Mike Schur is a genius. I'm sure I've brought this up before. Parks and Rec will forever and always be my chicken soup show. But I've struggled to pin down what I care about most in what he does/what he encourages out of his crew. I think I've figured it out, because it's what's kept me from loving most other comedies. I wanted to get into Big Mouth more than I did, it was funny as hell, had a killer premise, and 5 or 6 brilliant sketches about puberty/relationships. But there was something missing. Story structure.

Scenes would stop the instant the funny ran dry whether it made sense or not. In Rec even the smallest scenes always had a beginning, middle, and end. Or at least a punchline. In Rec, characters like Donna and Jerry evolved slowly from joke machines into fascinating people in their own right. Their absence would be felt. Whereas Big Mouth's most ubiquitous punching bag, the upbeat/crushingly lonely PE teacher, could  have died off camera by next season and I would be just a teensie bit relieved.

Strip out everything that's funny about Schur's shows and you still have a brutally honest look at small town America and it's politics. In this case, a lighthearted but cutting twilight zone epic about the bureaucracy of hell. Sorry if that's a spoiler. It's been on Netflix for a month and a half. What I love most about the Good Place isn't just that its giving philosophy majors everything they deserve... it's outplaying Lost.

In the first 60 minutes this year we have blown through an entire season of plot development. I thought I was so damn clever in thinking that there would be some sort of truce between the torturers and the torurteries. But, like, in 10 more episodes. I have absoulty no clue where they can go from here and I f**king love it. I'd watch Kristen Bell in a version of The Good Place half as compelling as this (lord knows I've seen the 3rd season of Veronica Mars), but this is one of the most intricately plotted shows on the air. Period. It may become the victim of it's own hubris but not yet. Right now, in the pantheon of great American comedy, Schur is competing with himself.

And winning.

As the world map turns.

That hoodie must be really top heavy.

I had planned on writing the War of the Chosen review 3 days a go. Just as soooooon as I finished a run on normal. It's not that I don't care about you, Crackpot it's just that WOC understands my needs more. It gets me. I need more time to figure things out. I love you Crackpot... don't be weird about this.

The craziest thing about Netflix's Big Mouth.

The ghosts of Duke Ellington, Freddy Mercury, and Socrates, respectively.

I was really looking forward to Big Mouth and... it's... good. It's good! It pushes the boundaries of what Netflix can show and does amazing things with it. There are multiple, I'll say it, highbrow sketches based around nudity and sexuality. One where Kristen Wiig plays the female lead's hyper positive vagina had me on the floor.

What's less great are it's half assed musical numbers whose joke hardly ever evolve beyond "It's a song about tampons!" One in which John Mulanney's character thinks he might be gay is musically pretty strong, but it's just built around easy rhymes for gay. It's saved beacause it's a solid Queen imitation and the guy playing the ghost of Freddie Mercury is SCARY good. I assumed it was Broadway's Andrew Rannells (who's characters use as a one note joke machine instead of, you know, a character) deserves it's own post.

But no. It's Jordan Peele. He's been sitting on the best Mercury impression I've ever heard. I bet you money he's been hustling karaoke night with Someone to Love for years. That's something you can hustle, right? My point is Peele may be one of the most interesting people who's ever lived.

The most glorious Xcom operation name in the whole darned world

One of the little things that makes Xcom so special is how surprisingly good it's randomly generated operation names are.

Wind Tongue, Hammer Slap, Witch Queen, God Walker, Storm Wheel, and Hellborn Sleep being gems I've found in just my last play through. But this time... this time I've found something truly special. It's like a randomly generated time release bomb. The first word makes sense, the second doesn't, but together they make magic:

...well I thought it was funny.

In 2 to 3 weeks!

I just know this picture is going to be used against me one day... but how?

...3 months and 4 phone calls later I finally got my refund for being double billed by Spectrum. I'm not even mad anymore I'm just super happy I got my money back. Plus the fact I'm no longer being charged $10 rent for my modem every month is pretty sweet. It's nice when the only half decent internet company in NC needs good will. I brace for the day they start burning it.

Channel Zero Season 2 Review: Muuuuuuuuch better.

Horror is a hard genre to love. It is so difficult to get right and what little that glitters is drowned in a sea of half-assed embarrassments. I gave the first season of SCY FY's Channel Zero a try and I stuck with it for what seemed like an eternity. Some shows can make 13 episodes vanish in a couple hours, Channel Zero made 4 feel like a prison sentence. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that season did that wasn't profoundly outdone by the IT mini series. And that hasn't aged well AT. ALL. Tim Curry aside, of course.

But there's the thing, that show was anchored by Curry as a driving force, Channel Zero had a tooth monster that nibbled the hero's fingers when he slept. It was dull, aimless, choking on awful dialogue  and trying to force performances out of child actors I wouldn't ask Gary Oldman to tackle.

But now we have season 2. A fresh start, a better cast, and what I assume is a bigger budget. If you can give John Carrol Lynch a good character to chew on I am there. After watching the first episode and letting it rattle around in my head for a few days... yeah! It's trying much harder this year. Maybe not B+ material, but I definitely have a "most improved show" ribbon for it.

We have 2 female leads, which is pretty refreshing. One is coming home to the burbs after a semester of college while the other took a gap year after her dad died from a freak allergic reaction. Sure, they mine guilt for her out of it, but I love how boring the most dramatic thing that's ever happened to her is. That's not a knock, suburban horror must find a way to weaponize boredom and they've pulled it off here.

It's not all rosey, there are still dialogue problems (people pointing out painfully obvious things, characters clumsily spouting exposition about themselves, etc.) and the opening scene involving a panicked woman trying to escape a never ending housing development is a smidge too "community theater" for me. But this is a haunted house story and this haunted house is f**king awesome.

It's actually more an art installation/escape room and I loved it. It was the best kind of world building. Unsettling, but poetic enough so it sends a message. Not everything works, of course. There's this one dude who has to creepy laugh all the time. He's terrible. But the rest of the rooms balance it out. That's the word for this show. Balanced. 

There's nothing it did wrong that's bad enough to keep me from finishing it like last year. I like the actors, I like where it's going, it knows most of David Lynch's best tricks, and I can't wait to see JCL be a scary motherf**ker eventually. Because there's no way he won't.

XCOM has turned me into an amateur propagandist

So happy togethuuuuuuuur...

I've finally got my hands on war of the chosen, I like what I see so far, even if all it is are a few new mission types and a bevy of new maps. I thought X2 was the sh*t as is but it's nice to see my $40 filter through the entire experience even though most of it is saved for the mid-game. Where it was sorely needed.

I had heard about "bonds" your squad mates can become buddies giving them an extra turn when they team up, but they're tasked with winning hearts and minds too. You make propaganda posters out of their bro-mance. I love it. I can't wait to hear my squeak of rage when one of them dies and I can't save scum out of it. That'll be fun.

C&C 90: Don't be Afraid.

One of these things is not like the other...

Don't be Afraid.

 

Hollow Knight's Halloween Special:

Wait... is Halloween a thing in Australia? Neat.

Christopher Larkin is still killing it with the gothic organ sh*t.

This is free, people. Though I'd happily drop $30 bucks on a season pass for this $15 gem. You thought I'd cool off my GOTY rants about this game? No. This is still a stupendously special game and you should all buy it. Right the hell now.

C&C 89: It's a Cult.

Things get both sad and racial this week. They don't have to be mutually exclusive.

It's a Cult.

 

Back in the habit.

Now that I've thrown down $25 for PS-Plus I might as well give Overwatch anouther shot, right? It's funny how a 7 month gap can give you the distance to figure out what you really want out of a game that used to confuse the crap out of you. For one, I'm way better at Macree for some reason, I won a 8 on 8 death match with 76 handily, and I am KILLING it as Zenyatta.

There's almost never a wrong situation for this guy. My score cards are bursting with golds and silvers. As long as I can hide between the legs of a tank I can heal and mark for death all day long. I think... I think I'm finally super into Overwatch.

Destiny 2 is... well... s'ok.

You save this entire game, Nathan Fillion. Look at me, seriously, DUDE... the entire game.

 What do you what in a shooter? Do you want something that's really easy to pick up and nigh impossible to master? Bungie's got you here. Every gun, every enemy, and every head shot feels like it belongs in the billion dollar plus venture Destiny is. I'm running around with two different pistols. If this were Borderlands I'd be screwed, but in Destiny if I just breathe deep and concentrate I'm never more than 4 headshots away from moping up entire mobs.

I was ready to lay into D2 a lot harder than I'm going to because you know what? There is something really special about Bungie's games. I can't quite describe it, but nothing is ever too hard or too easy. If you just pay attention/run away screaming at the right time you can make it though any firefight. I really can see myself poping in and out every few weeks or so to snag loot and do public events. The gameplay is truly a cut above and the gear is uniformly interesting. I also thought I'd hate the controller based cursor menu but it's lovely! It's way snappier and intuitive than it should be. So you get an 8 Destiny 2. A rock solid 8.

But I'm not that happy with it. It's not just because you can blow through the entire campaign in a day and a half. No, you sold me on this game with that trailer of Nathan Fillion's character being a fun nut. He may very well be that and he was absolutely the highlight of the game. But here's the thing,  no one else is. The script is awful. Flunk creative writing 101, awful. I know I gave Andromeda a lot of crap for it's dull as sand dialogue but guys, it's 12th Night compared to this drivel.

Video game writing has a long way to go but it's been years since I heard a villain say "we're not so different, you and I." Austin Powers had an entire sketch on that line 20 years ago. Don't even get me started on their crushingly unfunny attempt at GLADOS. Just be prepared for it. Oh, and Lance Reddik  pauses... for dramatic effect... all the time. I just don't understand how someone looked at the script, saw Reddik's character doing 3 Horatio glasses removal lines in a row and though that was ok. It's tragic.

So in summation, super fun shooter, really pretty and well designed levels, spectacular guns, endlessly fun to shoot enemies, and one whopper of a script. Stick around for Zoe and Mal. You have my permission to skip everything else. If Dinklidge and North can't make Ghost work, no one can.