Day in the Life.

A woman who has been a tenant for 5 years got a package this morning and asked if I was "new." I said that I had been here for a year and a half. She then said I didn't have to be so rude about it and I wanted to scream "I wasn't the first 2 times we had this conversation!!!!"

In which I still jabber on about Hollow Knight:

You can tell a lot about a game by it's bestiary. Did the designers bother to write a story for their enemies or did they just make a bunch of monsters that looked cool? There's nothing wrong with either approach but I love it when they try. All these enemies speak in a Japanese like gibberish and it's charming as all f**k. So you know I'm going to try to kill enough of them to see what the game's sociopathic hunter god thinks of them. Some are not worthy, some are delicious, and some are painful reminders of the fall of the Hollow Nest.

For a game obstinately aimed at children (that's still pretty damn hard) it's strange how much of the spirit of Dark Souls translates to a G rating. Oh, and you need to buy it. Hardly anyone is playing it and THAT I cannot abide.

Upon further review, Hollow Knight is in fact "The Goods."

Just when I thought my indy thirst was slaked by Night in the Wood's adorable (yet crushing) small town ennui, Hollow Knight done gone swept me off my feet. I haven't played a good metriodvania in a crazy long time so I was going to be an easy mark to begin with. I didn't expect to see greatness in Hollow Knight, which was one of my first mistakes.

It begins deathly simple with light platforming and light combat. Hop on these ledges, avoid those spikes, slash them earwigs, and so forth. Every platforming segment is straightforward and every enemy dies in 3 or fewer hits. But then I got lost. For a solid hour. I found a mapmaker and thought, "great, now I can see where I haven't been!" but it wasn't a modern video game map. It didn't have greyed out areas or a pin where the player was standing. It was inert and un helpful. With it's hand drawn animation and cutesy gibberish for dialogue I had falsely assumed I'd get more hand holding. Come to think of it, it never came close to holding my hand at all. The mapmaker told me to speak with his wife in town for further assistance and the game made me turn out my wallet for the stuff that I was complaining about earlier.

So already it was making me pay for things I had took for granted and it was about to kick my ass. I found the first boss and was not disappointed. I finally died which means you loose all your cash (saw that coming) but you also loose your healing magic (well...sh*t) and you have to fight the ghost of your corpse to get it all back (rad as hell). Games that are this fun to play, that are this challenging, that are this beautiful, and this charming do not come around every day. I feel bad for bloodstained right now. I honestly don't know how they can follow this even if they have till 2018.

Hollow Knight seems legit.

You want to get my attention, be a metriodvania. You want me to throw money at you, show me your map in the trailer. This certainly looks like the goods. Deep combat, lovely art style, reviews that boast 30 hours or so. That's great, I'm sure I'll probably break down and buy it this weekend. Which is actually today. Hooray service industry!

Legion is the weirdest show since The Prisoner.

So... did Noah Hawley help an FX executive bury a body? Because that's the only scenario in which this show gets made.

This isn't something networks make anymore and when they did the best you could hope for was the production value of a black box theater. At first I thought the pilot was going to be the artsy outlier that transitions into the more expected X-Men vs the world scenario. That... did not happen. If anything the pilot was holding back. This show was getting away with murder before we got to the astral projection of Jemaine Clement doing beat poetry. My buddy who was chomping at the bit to see a big budget X-Men series enjoyed it but gave me a  "Well... that was not... yep." when I asked what he liked about.

That means this is probably going to be a mini series. A second season would be great but I'm not fooling myself into thinking this is something the fans want. This is something I want and I'm insufferable. This is a Kubrickian Twin Peaks with super powers and I can't stop watching it. The dream like dialogue, the anachronistic wardrobe/sets, the torture sequences that are actually torturous, I could go on. This show is the best kind of crazy because it knows how ridiculous it looks (remember Jemaine Clement?) and it doesn't give a good god damn what you think. At the same time it respects the pain of mental health issues and engenders respect for schizophrenia while being  honest about what David has done wrong.

Or you can just tune all that out and treat it like a straight forward psychological thriller. You'd miss out on about 2/3rd's of it's depth, but I wouldn't blame anyone showing up solely for the monsters. The world's angriest boy in the world sure looks like the nightmares I used to have as a 6 year old. And that's awesome.

But not as awesome as this sh*t.

Night in the Woods soundtrack rulz, OK?!!!

Cards on the table, I'm worried that nitw isn't anywhere near the top sales on steam. I'm worried it'll get labeled hipster trash and get lost in the shadow of Horizon: Zero Dawn. Which no matter how good that game may be, I had to use that garbage title to describe it. So nobody wins. We also desperately need to lay off the colons in game titles.

So to get some of you readers in the mood, listen to the music. It's soundtrack helped garden state get a foothold on pop culture and this is a much better written story than that:

That last 2 are covers, but still.

CRISPR.

In light of current events, it's easy to think we're slipping into an age of ignorance. I purpose we are actually in an age of mad science! Well not really, but lets just say Gattaca is eerily close to our own reality right now. The gist is someone found the genes of a virus inside of a germ, which is crazy. The theory was floated that this is a primitive defense mechanism inside the germ and if RNA was written with a specific spacer sequence they could literally rewrite the germ's genes.

This scales up. Way up. Like China has already undergone trials on human embryos and it wasn't a complete disaster. We possess the ability to rewrite genetics. We've had this for months and I'm just hearing about it now. Guys! we could feasibly create a strain of malaria free mosquitoes and... I just realized this is how every post-apocalypse story starts. Still, nothing ventured.

But it's not even my birthday...

Yay, libertarianism. yay.

Chance really likes Night in the Woods. So much so he gifted me a copy saying it had me written all over it. This guy. This guy gets me. I'm in love with the art style and in awe of the dialogue. It hides tremendously depressing details in light hearted, damn funny, small talk. I've seen some critics complain this game outstays it's welcome, but I don't know how that's possible. I want to frikkin' live there. In a lot of ways I already do.

The maladies of the rust belt have a ton in common old southern coal mining towns. I'm really impressed at how light this game is able to make the crushing depression bearing down on everyone stuck in Possum Springs. Also fun fact, a lot of working class background characters have blood shot eyes. They're high on Oxycontin. Bravo, night on the woods. Bravo.

...Neat!

Samurai Jack's coming back. To Adult Swim. Which I find odd for a couple reasons, the saddest of which is that kids 12 years later still aren't that into this show. I mean, of all the CN shows that desperately needed a second chance this was it. Now they have something to show for it:

All right! That's... pretty much the same show, except with a gun. But that gun still makes pew pew laser sounds so that's still pure Tartakovsky. A gritty reboot of Samurai Jack isn't Samurai Jack and I'm realived they arn't going in that direction. At least not too much. Looks like they're going for PG-13 light, which I think is the right choice. In a word, I'm glad this is still for kids. Cept' kids these days watch Game of Thrones and have seen Fury Road so... this can only improve the fight scenes.

Coloring in History

I just got done with a hell of a week. 8 days straight, 57 work hours over 2 jobs. Wanna know how I dealt with it? I cheated. I cheated at Civ 6. I got hammered and played perfect games and I know I should feel a little guilty. But I don't. It was awesome, though I concede I wasn't actually playing Civilization VI.

If I was, every turn would carry a tinge of regret over my decisions mixed with a shudder of fear over Montezuma's troop movements. I can see what you're doing Monty, cut that sh*t out! Civ is stressful it's actually something I love most about it. But sometimes I can't deal. Sometimes I just wanna color in the fog of war and I don't want anyone standing in my way.

I had an ex that loved adult coloring books and that's the closest analogy I can think of. A theater square here, a Chichen Itza there, and soon several calming gaming hours have passed. I can forget about the cloth napkin shortage, the broken freezer crisis, the Camry title card affair, and dead Russian ambassadors. I've turned one of the greatest strategy games ever made* into a zen garden. You know what the funniest thing about it is? Even with all the money, luxuries, oil, and iron in the world; Peter the Great still managed to pull from behind and out-culture my ass. Say what you want about Civ's AI, it's still capable of some pretty cunning sh*t.


*it's already better than Civ V and after an expansion or 2... I can't even imagine.

The Magicians is still good. Enough.

"So do you need me to be weirdly sexual or sexually weird? Both? At the same time? Got it."

The magicians continues to be a show that both surprises and confuses me. It's perfectly watchable, has a fun premise, solid main cast, and regularly upends it's status quo just as it gets boring. But my issues I with its first season persist. Penny's lack of a character arc or anything outside of "the asshole" mold is REALLY getting on my nerves. His one thing was that he was a super special teleporter and he can't even do that anymore.

On the plus side, episode 3 was literally a season finale, full stop. That was awesome. Though the special effects are still pretty rough and will not age well. At all. Elliot and Margo continue to stand out because the show is now fully aware Elliot's it's best character and Summer Bishil is it's best actor. The Magicians could become the Elliot and Margo Hour and I would be fine with it. Seriously, Bishil's gonna be a star.

A mark of a great show is one that replaces dead characters with better ones. M*A*S*H did it, Parks and Rec did it, and I hope the cast shake up is treated like a chance to improve. Because it desperately needs to improve. Their are mountains of  pointless talking scenes and droves of amateur secondary actors. I'm not demanding Game of Thrones attention to detail but they need a different casting directer. That faun-lady was PAINFUL. 

As my punishment...

That moon wants to eat you.

Chance said last week that since my memory of Dead Space 3 was rosier than his, I should have to play it right after 2 as my punishment. So far, I'm digging it. The opening act sets up a decent mystery and the performances are a little sharper. 2 did not age as well in my eyes. For all of 3's many irritating choices it gives the trilogy a worthy finale. At least story wise. Excluding the Ellie love triangle bullshit.  

We did it.

We finally live to see the day where elegant robots actually exist. Whichever way this technology goes be it a peaceful utopia or despotic nightmare; we will at least know we made badass robots. And it will feel worth it.

Legion Review: What Time is It?

The last 2 seasons of Fargo have given Breaking Bad a deadly serious run for their money. They were great self contained thrillers with deep characters, gorgeous cinematography, and a script so tight it might as well have been shrink wrapped.

Noah Hawley has new fish to fry. He's been given the reigns to the X-Men franchise and he has made something truly, deeply, weird. Schizophrenia isn't something to be taken lightly, that is something this show gets out of the way pretty early. David may be the most powerful X-Man in the world of comics, but here he's just another psychiatric patient. One thing I do admire is how this show doesn't shy away from how much David suffers. His breaks from reality into red tinged velvet hellscapes become almost painful to look at. I imagine they would be quite a bit more painful to live through.

Dan Stevens as David is a young Sam Rockwell. Contrasting his dangerous sociopath from The Guest to this it's not hard to see golden statues in his future. Then again, I'd have bet Rockwell would have at least one by now. At any rate, he nails the sweet spot of making David just relatable enough to be the protagonist, but you still understand why his fiancee left him. Up next is Rachel Keller as another possible insane mutant who can't be touched and with whom David shares an adorable platonic romance. I'll have to apologize to Aubrey Plaza, because as much as I loved her as April in Parks&Rec, I thought she was her only character. As Lenny she's an ADHD verbal racket ball who again; is just goofy enough to be funny, but you get why she's inside. IMDB only has her on for 3 episodes so I'm already going to miss her. That's how much fun she looks like she's having.

When Legion is at it's best it's a cocktail of The Prisoner and One Flew Over The Cuckoo's nest. When it's not it's... well, an X-Men show. The action finale was a huge let down. 5 minutes of stuntmen lining up politely to be blown away on wires. For a show that had been, I'll say it, visionary for the most part to become so predictable in the end really shook me. It's a good show and I'm gonna ride the season out regardless. But I'm not ready to love it. I need at least one great episode for that and I like my chances.

How do you feel?

Psychonauts Lives.

I think I'm too young for nostalgia, but I'm pretty sure what I felt when seeing Psychonauts 2 for the first time is what has been fueling the reboot craze for years. I squeaked. I squeaked like a squirrel on coke. I saw Psychonauts the way it looked in my head and not as an 11 year old adventure game. The swaying trees, the blowing leaves, and Raz's mosquito slapping idle animation all gave me a slight chill. It's real now. I've wanted Psychonauts 2 for a decade but I didn't believe it was all going to come together until this. This FIG business makes me uneasy, but if it gets us to Psychonuats 3... I don't really care how they pull it off.

Barring humanitarian crimes or something. Like a Team Bondi sitch'.

Calorie-fu

I'm an over eater, it's been that since middle school. The trick for me nowadays is eat the exact same amount of food I used to, but with a fraction of the calories. For instance, Kraft mac and cheese. A box of that junk fully prepared is about 1,300 calories. I've found a way to bring that down to around 800. I fill a skillet with a cup of water and two cups of skim milk. Cook on high for 5 minutes and simmer on medium for 6. I usually mix in some sauteed mushrooms or sweet peppers or sumthin' then. A dash of sriracha to thicken near the end and... yeah. Sriracha mac and cheese.

Positivity Playlist:

Adjusting to a new life can be tough. Adjusting to a new world order can be tougher, but I think I've got a grip on it thanks to my daily playlist. I'm not gonna lie, I've been binging on David Simon's work pretty hard. First, Generation Kill (...s'ok.) and then Treme. A lot of people came to Treme expecting something closer to the Wire and what they got was essentially a musical. It's no skin off my back because I frikkin' adore the music:

 How 'bout some Professor longhair?

What else puts me in a good mood.... hmmm.

Nation of laws biiiiiiiiiiiiitch!!!!!!

The Black Pawn and the White Queen

Today I'm faced with a dilemma. Can I still be an entertainment blog whilst also bringing up the soft executive coup that's given a 70 year old child emperor veto power? Maybe! Let's find out.

Spy thrillers are some of my favorite stories and lord knows the Iraq war era had nothing for that genre. They're about massive nations pulling off invisible, yet devastating, plots against one another. That's something terrorist cells could never provide. Finesse.

It's been a generation since America has been threatened by a nation that's got it's sh*t together and I think a hell of a lot of these recent events are part of a successful Russian op. A sitting republican president that praises the Russian leader is nuts. That is f%$king NUTS. It's the only talking point he has ever been consistent on. It would be more ridiculous if Russia didn't have sh*t on Trump at this point.

So going from the idea that Trump is compromised... how did that happen? We may never have the real story but we can speculate. What we fill the blanks in with may never be the whole truth, but I'd settle for some weak tea just to get my heart rate lower. I think I've found that tea.

An anonymous blogger spun one hell of a yarn on the 17th. It could be bull but it can't all be bull. I've been a political junkie since I had an hour long free period in 5th grade to devour the library's periodical rack. I haven't seen bi-partisan criticism of Russia in my life time and you best believe my John le Carre loving butt was looking for it. Sh*t is going down and this may be the answer. Even if it isn't, it's still one hell of a thriller:

 

patribotics.

 

How do you do that?

The real tragedy is that he never got a chance to be the greatest grandpa who ever walked the earth.

This... Hurts.

Sir John Hurt has left us and I'm... pretty crushed. There's simply no one waiting in the wings that could make dialogue sing the way he could. He had a marvelously articulate rage, no surprise to anyone who saw V for Vendetta, which is actually an excellent companion piece to his work in 1984. It was the little things I always admired most about him. In Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (still on netflix and well worth your time) he's a spymaster who ends up getting played by a mole and in the scene where the inner circle ousts him he shreds the line "I should have left you WHERE I FOUND YOU." That shouldn't be my favorite moment in the movie but through sheer force of will he made me love it.

My condolences to his friends and family. I'm going to miss him terribly.

C and C episode 56!

Chamberlain and Chance - Never good enough

This isn't gonna steal my joy.

Man, I've had a corker of a sh**y week. I worked 5 double shifts in a row, 2 of them nightmares. Then I tried to get Resident Evil 7 up and running on my first day off after 51 work hours and my top of the line rig shuts it down before the title screen.

No. I'm gonna get mine this weekend. I've been lost in ps2 emulator land for over a month and I need my AAA game itch scratched. What can I do? What's $20 off  on green man gaming that was... faintly praised by my podcast buddies?

Hmmm. What to do, what to dooooooo?

Come to think of it, wolf eye sockets are perfect for belt loops.

Oh, what in the screaming bloody F&*K Capcom?!!

I love PC gaming to tears, but there are times that all the money and effort spent trying to get the damn things to work won't pay off. Resident Evil 7 is one of those times. I've had games run badly, I've had games crash randomly, but never have I EVER played a game that wouldn't even let me see the title screen.

Thank Christ the steam refund policy is in place, I would be so much more angry if I had to wait a week or two just to be able to fiddle with the graphics options. The last game I refunded was Arkham Knight and I at least got to play the damn game first.

So I'd love to tell you how good RESI 7 is. After it's knocked down at least $30.

What the inside of my head sounds like right now.

Roosevelt's theme from Civ VI has been echoing through my brain for weeks now. It's been oddly comforting to me so here it is, just in case one or two of ya'll out there need it too.

But lord knows I can't keep my happy face on forever and it's only a matter of time before that tune devolves into... something else.

2017's gonna be fascinating. I hope we make it.

No one seems to want to talk about Dragon Quest 8 anymore.

Wait... f&@king what?!

I mean, it's not like the game goes out of it's way to tell you a party member is under the age of consent and gives her a "sex appeal" stat. She's a 17 year old who literally uses sex as a weapon. It's leery eye fades to the background the vast majority of the time. That being said, when DQ8 does get it's perv on it is, for lack of a better word, stunning.

One of her attacks involves her flashing monsters to... distract them. Yeah. I'm out.

John Lewis gets his.

March

Most of the time I don't want to make the Crackpot political. But then most of the time the president-elect doesn't childishly put down a man who was cracked in the skull on the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Turns out Rep. John Lewis is laughing all the way to the bank. His graphic novel/memoir box set has completely sold out over night.

I wouldn't go as far to say that Trump is "illegitimate." but for this man to loose his cool like that over something like this may be the most spectacularly ironic event in American politics.

PS2 reunion tour: GOW II is still a f@$%ing masterpiece.

Allow me to set the mood:

I remember I used to be a huge fan of God of War, until 3 just... shattered my heart* (another post for another day), but Dark Souls took up it's place and ran with it for years. I had assumed modern action games had left it in the dust and that I'd probably give up on a play through 4 hours in. This was not the case at all.

Most of my PS2 jaunts these last few weeks were all the great JRPG's** but I forget how gracefully GOWII has aged. The bloom effects are a bit too much, but other than that, I'd barely change a thing. The puzzles are great, the loot's hiding places are brilliant and 2 of the greatest boss fights of all time are in here. The fates, man. They killed me on titan mode so many times 10 years ago I almost beat them with my eyes closed just now. But I still like that fight and that is the mark of greatness. You memorize a game inside and out and you still love it.

It's been a long time since you were a critical darling, Kratos. Here's to your comeback!



*it ran out of both money and ideas a 1/3 of the way through and ended with the exact same finale as II. The fact that they're only now making a game set after 3 and it's abandoned Greek mythology entirely I think proves that they didn't like the ending either. Oh. OH! And that creepy surrogate daughter sh*t with Calliope. Where the hell did that come from?! GRUMP! 

**Seriously where are all the great JRPGs these last 2 console generations? The ps2 era was absolutely lousy with em'.


 

The Durham PD thinks I could use a hug.

I'm not gonna get my cash back or anything, but you know what? This is kinda nice. I had no idea there was a "victim service unit." I'm glad my tax dollars are paying for something like this.

Ice Storm 2017

I may not be from the Midwest like Chamberlain or even Canada like Chance, but I haven't been snowed in like this for a couple years. Good thing I'm all stocked up. Sausage and pasta FOR. DAYS.

Persona 4 and the real, Real, REAL, ending.

Some games have disappointing endings. Some games have disappointing fake endings hiding the real happy ending. One game in particular has the real ending behind a happy ending, behind a shitty ending, behind a tragedy. This narrative nesting doll is Persona 4 and I'd just like to take some time to appreciate it's magnificently batsh*t storytelling choices.

Also it has the best video game end credits I've ever seen. You finally get hear the lyrics to title screen theme!

My Christmas Hot Sauces:

Being able to support myself is a great feeling, but I always seem to end up with nearly everything I want as far as gift giving goes. It's not like anyone can just ask for a stronger sense of self worth for Christmas... but moving right along, I have standing bounties in lieu of specific gift ideas. Any tea, coffee, or hot sauce I might like.

See the key to affording the stuff I want is to find the cheapest way to eat food I like. Places like Cost Co allow me to get decent produce and absurd amounts of pasta at a fair price. But even my favorite veggies get boring after making so many stir fries. Then there's my frozen staples which after all these years especially cry out for new and interesting hot sauces. So here we are: Crackpot Hot Sauces 2017:

Arrogant Bastard Ale: Jalapeno Heat.

Pretty good beer, too.

This is thick and dark like a BBQ sauce. It's got a sweet taste and a short burn perfect for burritos. But preferably steak burritos.   

Baby Clydesdale Sriracha

Their mascot doubles as a warning label.

This is hot sh*t in every sense. Like fireworks that change color, BC is gonna hurt you in a couple different ways. There's depth to the hurt, is what I'm saying. It's gonna make you stop and think about just how badly you need another bite of eggroll. If Tabasco is budweiser, then this is a fine sipping whisky.
 

Happy Hangover day!

Can someone turn the lights down please?  ....thanks.

It's a day after christmas miracle!

Irasshaimase!

My new card is great, it really is slightly better then a 980 TI at half the cost. But for some reason, right before I checked out Nuka World, it straight up murdered the load times in Fallout 4 for me. 30-40 second load times turning into at least a minute and the wastleand itself could be as long as 2! I'd barely put up with that if I'd first started but this was nearly a year after launch.

Mods didn't help, message boards didn't help, and I'd just about given up. As long I had my 1070, Fallout 4 was dead to me. The only thing I hadn't tried was putting it on a solid state drive. Seeing as the cheapest SSD worth a damn was $130, I had a problem. Mainly because just as many people who said that was the silver bullet said nothing had changed.

So on my wishlist it went. If it worked, great! If not, more storage space! Thankfully both were true. I'd go as far to say it runs smoother than ever. So much so that all my games are going on it.

Merry day after Christmas everybody!

How many fetishes are in this picture?

You do you, Tedderz.

...Because I'm seriously asking.

The PS2 reunion tour continues:

Christmas presents have cleaned me out, so I'm lucky I haven't touched most of my PS2 gems in almost 9 years. My old collection, with a healthy dose of emulator filters to give em' a new coat of paint, could keep me busy for months. Plus I'm curious how much Persona will have changed once 5 comes out. Though I can't say I'm pleased Atlus has given me this much time to catch up. April?! Seriously? It's been 8 friggin' years already! But I digress, because it's sh**y job story time!

I remember playing this during my landscaping summer job. I've been stuck on a mountain in 20 degree weather during a hail storm. I would have almost rather spent a summer there than at greenscape corporate landscaping. Pruning parking lot trees and 30 ft. tall holly bushes in record breaking heat. I woke up every morning at 4, starving, but dehydrated. I had to fight to keep down my oatmeal while my stomach threw a hissy fit. 5 days a week for 2 1/2 months. I still have lil' scars on my fingers from the holly bushes.

You should see what these f**kers do to leather gloves.

If Persona 4 hadn't been the tireless fount of positivity it is I don't know what I would have done. It's good to be back in Inaba, I just might play through twice.

Anyone wanna see what a gum graft looks like?

Everything tastes a little bit like blood.

"OOOOOOOH...... kayyyyyy." Is something I didn't want to hear my dental surgeon say while pulling length after bloody length of suture out of my mouth. Apparently my teeth are so close together under the gums I threw a consummate professional for a loop. But everything's good now. My gums are grafted and none of my molars will be falling out anytime soon. That's a relief. The Vicodin's not a bad deal either. My point is, I've lost a lot of traffic recently and you know what they say about journalism: If it bleeds it leads.

Last chance to bail. 

I sincerely hope that's not silly putty.

The Man in the High Castle Season 1 Review: Is New York Burning?

If there's one thing peak TV has taught me, it's that there is a finite amount of craftsmen in this world capable of making genuinely great shows. MITHC has a lot going for it. A killer premise, solid production value, and a firm grasp on how living under a foreign power would feel. That last part is the hardest nail down and it's worth watching simply because it's about time Americans get a taste of what it's like when the shoe's on the other foot.

 It aims straight at the heart of what would drive someone to commit acts of terror and I'm glad this kind of story landed in the mainstream instead of the indie scene. Though that has it's drawbacks. Serious drawbacks. No one talks about MITHC much because aside from 3 or 4 brilliant episodes, a whole lot of mediocre writing waters it all down.

If you love fedoras, crisp suits, and jackboots this show will make you loose. your. SH*T.

I'm gonna try to coin a phrase here: Law&Order-itis. When a show becomes so plot driven the dialogue becomes laughably bad. Case and point, halfway through the season the main couple has a fight that gets so heated one of them accidentally (acci-f**king-dentally) blurts out that she murdered someone recently. The only reason in the whole goddamn universe someone would say something like that is because the writer couldn't think of a way to move the story forward. Dialogue like that is the canary in the coal mine for bigger plot problems. Such as someone sneaking into an office to steal Intel almost once an episode. One time two office excursions played out simultaneously. If this show wasn't set in a genuinely well realized nightmare of a world I would be much more upset right now. But, Christ, the writers needed to figure out different friggin' things to do with it! 

The opening credits are something else. You really need to see it.

But there is a lot to love. Rufus Sewell's SS captain could have been a goosestepping stereotype, but he is ordinarily and horrifically American. Everyone else doesn't get in the story's way but hardly any characters are fleshed out enough to grab my interest. Though the folks involved in the obligatory Jewish resistance were lovely. The script really came together for those scenes.

There's nothing else like MITHC. Aside from the script problems and the occasional absurd action scene, this vision of America is still haunting. I find myself thinking about it at work and in the car. Not that this specific reality is possible, (Hitler was fighting a war on 3 fronts, the Nazi's did a bang up job defeating themselves) but a fallen America is a hell of a thing to see. I'm not a flag waving, chest pounding, patriot but seeing Americans bow before Japanese secret policeman made me obnoxiously uncomfortable. That's not nothing and I'm willing to forgive several rookie screenwriting mistakes because of it. It's greatest contribution to 2016 was the dire warning that democracy is not guaranteed. That's something we all need to understand.

The Shame Curtain

It's... uhhh, Snake Eater. Swear to god.

Far be it from me to call JRPG's "shameful." But just in case you were worried about roommates walking in while you're in the bathroom and then you find them trying to sound out "CUR-AH-E-JA" Final Fantasy 12 had you covered. A black, soundless, screen that just says "PAUSE." What's paused? It could literally be any game ever made. Including ones with such things as baseball and football.

Not that there's anything wrong with liking JRPGs. Hell, I'm taking time out of my weekend* to write about it. But if you really need to hide this firaga lit light under a bushel, Square Enix won't stand in your way.


*Hurray service industry!

Something Familiar

Baltheir hangs out with a lot of young boys in retrospect...

I wasn't an RPG guy back in '06. I'd never really played one. It's only because Okami had sold out* that I even gave Final Fantasy 12 a shot. "This is supposed to be a big frikkin' deal" I thought to myself. "Might as well bow to all those perfect scores" Almost an entire winter break later I emerged a changed gamer. "These things can last 40 goddamned hours?!" I thought. "How was I so blind?"

Coming back to it 10 years later is like sipping a fancy cup of hot chocolate. Too rich to have all the time, but it's nice while it lasts. Also having it on an emulator means I can kick it up to double speed so grinding is no longer a pain. You never forget your first and 12 is long overdue for a second look. Reading old reviews now is hilarious. FF fans were disappointed in the scope of this game? They had no idea what was coming. 12 being easily twice the game 13 or 15 were. At least to me.

Thus begins my PS2 RPG reunion tour. Maybe when I'm done reminiscing I can get my PS4 fixed... but that might be a while.

*ironic isn't it?

The Chamberlain and Chance 50th Episode!

Chamberlain and Chance - In which we change our minds