Dark Souls 2 DLC on the way!

I really, really, liked Dark Souls 2. But not as much as the first, either because I could see it's nastiest tricks coming most of the time, or the setting wasn't as inspired. I don't know, I should probably write a review...

Anyway, let's gab about The Lost Crowns! A three part dlc epic ($9.99 a piece or $24.99 for the season pass) expected to drop on July 22, August 26, and then September 24. Isn't that nice of them? TellTale never gives specific release dates...

Here's a link to the video, IGN and blog spot aren't getting along so I can't embed it here. But I can give you From software's deetful press release.

Some mighty fine deets right there. I mean, don't you wanna know what makes an ability... esoteric?

Anthony Bourdaine digs Hannibal

I'm a huge fan of the nerdist network, and today they dropped one of the best interviews in a long while. Not that there's been a quality dip, I just liked this one personally quite a bit. For one; Matt and Jonah sat in, that's always a plus, but I also got to check in on Bourdaine. I hadn't heard from him since his Girl on Guy episode about two years ago.

It's a damn good interview and worth listening to all the way, but the best part for me was hearing him rattle off his viewing habits near the end. Yep, I love Justified's second season too. Yeah, Fargo is pretty damn good. Hannibal?! He watches Hannibal?! Thank god, if anyone would appreciate the food photography (literally one of the hardest things in the world to photograph well) It'd be him. And he just... gets it. Everything the show does well does not go unnoticed by him. It's rare to have an accomplished chef/journalist/author/cinefile in general. I'm just happy he didn't pass on it.

Anywho, check it out. He's a fiercely interesting guy.

...his sexist joke about foie gras that my sister won't stop reminding me about, notwithstanding.

So twitter changed yesterday...

Now I gotta find a whole new banner and my background's gone.

Damnit.

The Watchdogs Launch Day Spectacular!

"Citra? No... no, Clara"

Watchdogs is out just in time for my 3 day weekend that happened to start yesterday. Launch quibbles aside, i.e. not being able to ping my activation code for 4 hours, everything runs decently. But only just so. I didn't invest in a high end PC (GTX 780 SC and a I5 3570k) to run at 30 frames per second. And WD veers wildly in the fps ditch whenever I hop into a car. Everything else is smooth as silk though, and it's a damn sight better than AC Black Flag. The thing makes my rig grind and whir like nothing I've ever heard, but if I'm being honest, it only looks slightly better than Sleeping Dogs and runs about 30% worse. There's clearly some next gen voodoo going on in there somewhere, but I don't see it on the screen.

As for the game itself... I like it. It's a very close cousin to AC but manages to do it's own thing. The protagonist is a raspy cipher, but I can handle that. Your sociopath fixer buddy has more than enough personality for the both of you. The main missions are fun, and the script is better than I thought. When meeting a hacker femme fetale (I know, I know, but just go with it) for the first time, she rolls her eyes at you saying "you're exactly what I expected." It's nice to see AAA video game writers hang a lampshade on their bore of a leading man. If nothing else, it's good to know that they know.It's not like they wrote a racist character arc for him, realized their mistake too late in the game to change anything about it, then had the gall to call it "satire."

Watchdogs is worth it. It's not the half assed insult that GTA IV was (performance wise) and it's original enough for me to recommend financially encouraging it. For all it's familiar choices I can say it's stands on it's own. But can you imagine what would happen if this fails? Can you imagine how much more homogenized AAA development could get? I'm not saying this game is a $60 ballot in the new IP electoral process, but don't pretend powers-that-be aren't paying close attention.

Josh Sawyer Speaks!

It's gonna to be an agonizingly long time before we hear anything else about the next Fallout game. We have Bethesda's torturously mediocre MMO to thank for that. But in the mean time, the New Vegas director sat down with Eurogamer for a chat. The timing seems perfect seeing as I've recently fallen in love with the Mojave Wasteland all over again.

Hit the link y'all!

Hannibal Season Finale Post Mortum: "We're gonna need a bigger body bag..."

He never actually duel wields those kitchen knives. Damn near broke my heart.

I've followed Bryan Fuller for a very long time now. From Wonderfalls, to Dead like Me, to Pushing Daisies, and finally Hannibal. He's become a very different kind of artist since the beginning, one that isn't scared of where he has to go next season. Because he's never actually made it to a third season... ever.

With that in mind, Hannibal's second ended in what I'm choosing to call a bloody, fiery, temper tantrum the likes of which I've never seen before. An ending whose prevailing message seems to be "You can't fire me, I quit!" We will see Hannibal again next year, I'm over the moon with that knowledge, I'd have gladly sacrificed both Community and Parks and Rec to make that happen. Good thing I only needed half a recipe.

But what if this was the end? What if we were all left with Alanna, Will, and Jack all bleeding out in Hannibal's kitchen? That would be some confoundedly grim sh*t made worse by the mockingly upbeat end credits. So yeah, Fuller went full tilt Macbeth last Friday, and made one hell of a meal out if it.

We all knew Crawford was gonna get it, we knew Hannibal would see his trap coming, but damn if there wasn't one little surprise left. Abigail was alive this whole time, presumably living under house arrest to kill in the event Will broke Hannibal's heart. And Will did exactly that.

Thankfully Abigail wasn't just a human sacrifice. She managed to get to Alanna and throw her out a second story window. I for one can't wait for the indoctrination flashbacks for season 3. We already know how fond he is of keeping "pets."

The whole bloody affair was gorgeously filmed as always. Especially the shot with Alanna flying out the window. The way time slowed and the music swelled as everything went into soft focus and then the tiny particles of glass became sparkles? Phenomenal. Better photography than most movies I've seen this year.

So here I sit after gorging myself, week after week, on the best new show on TV. I'm stuffed. Almost glad it's over and I have time to digest. Does the whole plot string together? I'm not sure. The whole business with Dr. Chilton felt rushed. I mean, how long was Hannibal grooming him to be his fall guy? It had to be years. But that's beside the point. I'm not chomping at the bit for more, I'm happy sitting back and letting Hannibal slid into periphery of my attention.

Just so it can come out of nowhere next April and let me have it.

Here's a teaser for Disney-Marvel's first animated feature, and don't worry, it's pretty damn good.

Good physical comedy is a confoundedly rare commodity these days, especially in America. That's why I'll always have room in my heart for anything and everything Aardman produces. Actually I have this whole screed rattling around in the back of my head about how that's why Spongebob got such a strangle hold on the last decade. In that Stephan Hillenburg just knew physical comedy backwards and forwards, while nearly everyone else in TV animation largely ignored it (Dexter's Lab being the obvious exception).

But that's not why you're here; Big Hero 6 is being adapted, and it's teaser is a delightful about-face from the typical "you're so special, you have destiny" garbage that was trite more than 40 years ago. It's just a quick physical comedy sketch between a boy and his poofy crash test dummy robot.

I think you're gonna love it.

BIG HERO 6 Trailer #1 - Early Trailer by itsartmag

Superego's H. R. Giger at Home

What better way to celebrate the death of a great artist than an animated short of a nearly 3 year old improv sketch? I really got to tip my hat to the Nerdist on this one, recently there were rumblings that superego was coming out of retirement and I can't help but think Chris Hardwick had a lot to do with it. So... I dunno, yay? Yes, YAY!

God bless Nerdist industries and long live the Superego Institute!

Superego's Maggie the GPS.

This is the kind of sketch that gets funnier the more times you hear it. Trust me, You'll think it's hilarious eventually. Matt Gourley's spot on computer voice gets me so good it makes me angry.

Superego's Hashimoto Wellness Lab

I've decided to start forcing superego into our conversations more frequently. You'll sit there and take it until you learn to love it. I don't have to go get Mr. Jumper Cables back in here do I?

I didn't think so.

Yep... I still love New Vegas.

You like this picture I took!? I do...

New Vegas found me in a rough time of my life. A lot of my old friends had left my school in the fall of 2010 and I was being frozen out of the scant number of cliques I still had connections with. That was all poured onto the sh*t sunday of a nasty breakup over that summer.

I'm sure I'm not alone in calling Fallout 3 Bethesda's best game to date, and I played the ever loving rads out of it. So my expectations were high for NV. I didn't just want it to be good... I needed it to be great. My first article here is literally a gushing love letter to NV. But I've always wondered if I really loved it, or just appreciated how it helped me through what I call the "Siberia" phase of my college years.

The student body could be spectacularly cruel in it's apathy towards anyone that hadn't shown up to several parties in a row... but that's a can of worms for a therapist, not blog readers. So I'm back in New Vegas and I can objectively say; now that I have a job that I love and a sizable gaggle of drinking buddies, I like it on it's own merits.

But seriously, my steam clock has reached Howard Hughes levels of devotion. I mean, look at that thing! Looks pretty crazy, right? Well what if I told you the first 5 months I owned it, I had to crack it? My school's internet was in a constant bandwidth drought (Charter treated Appalachia like a despot, selling crap internet at jacked up prices) and I could only really launch NV at 5 in the morning or 1 in the morning.

So really, I've played it hundreds of more hours than that. I'm not proud or anything, I absolutely never want to do that again. I clearly needed help.

Pickpocket Snuffles?! Buddy, look at me, I would never do that to you. 

 

Snuffles, you know you're my boy.

Did I ever tell you guys about Superego?

As a rule, I can't stand improv comedy. Anyone outside of the brass ring of Greg Proops or Jeff Davis or anyone outside of the Who's Line pantheon just doesn't cut it for me. But last year I ran across the superego podcast which spun me around and left me speechless.

It's like an improvised National Lampoon, but that doesn't do it justice. It's not just the best improv I've ever heard, it's damn near the funniest sketch comedy, period. I've compulsively listened to the last two seasons over and over and I just can't get sick of it. There's things you don't pick up on the first time, running gags years in the making... and Elevator Jim.

I just love them so much. I couldn't keep it to myself anymore.

Buy their sh*t. Do it.

Relaxation With Mudge Claughlin from Random Sample on Vimeo.

Farcry 4's box art reveled.

Is it bad the second I saw him I thought of this?

 

 It is... it's bad. I'm sorry.

But about Farcry 4*...

 It's set in a completely different place with the exact same color pallet... huh. I wonder that since the villain has a hand on another character's head, you play as that guy. Seeing as that's how the box art worked out last time. Maybe you're a put upon citizen of Nepal instead of FC3's insufferable trust fund baby taking up the white man's burden? God I hope so.

It took me over a year to appreciate how maddeningly thrilling 3 was, Let's hope 4 can follow in Uncharted 2's footsteps with style. If you're going to rip off settings why not go with the best?

I'm not being pissy, I honestly think that's a good direction.

Oh and guess what? 9 million copies of 3 have been sold to date! That's 3 million more than borderlands 2! And Farcry was even less of a multi-player game than that! Rumors of the death of the single-player AAA market, it seems, have been greatly exaggerated.

*IGN

What to do... A half assed poem by Alex McCracken.

Dark Souls is over. I have won.
I've traversed Drangleic and praised the sun.
Though boredom now has me in it's sights, and thus,
I shan't make it through a new game +.

 But I hear of something that may break my curse.
A role playing game written wholly in verse.
With it's reviews positive and a cost that's slight,
I have now purchased Child of Light.

It's art is stark and it's tone is striking.
I may yet call it bottled lightning.
But if there's one issue I see time after time,
It's coherent stories sacrificed on the alter of rhyme.

Community is finally canceled. (and I'm glad it's dead.)

#5seasonsandalifetimeofmemories

It's official. Dan Harmon's stalwart sitcom marginally about affordable higher education is finished. But looking back, I was more than impressed it got two seasons. "That's enough." I thought at the time. "That's enough to land gracefully." Imagine how 2010 me would react at the news it would end at season 5! That's amazing partly because it never compromised. It never tried to go broader in reaction to low ratings. It was always funny and it was always unique. I loved it for that, and I'll never forget how much I enjoyed it.

But these are darker times. I haven't blogged much about it because I didn't have nice things to say. I was one of the few that thought the Harmon-less season 4 was just fine (please save your boos until the end.) and that his triumphant restoration to the showrunner throne had far more diminished returns than his departure.

This was not his fault, no one could have made an amazing season 5. The budget was slashed to even ribbon-ier ribbons and Donald Glover bowed out after only five episodes. Episodes he barely featured in until the last. Jeff became a professor at greendale, but aside from adding Jonathan Banks as a new (and vastly improved) Pierce stand-in, nothing was ever mined from that storyline.

Season 5 felt like it was waiting to die the whole time. Like a funeral where nobody knows what to say. Remember when we did dungeons and dragons? That was fun, right? Hey, Duncan's been gone a while. Well he's back... we've only written one storyline that really uses him... f**k what's the point any more? TREASURE MAP! Now go home.

That's the kind of message season 5 left me. Aside from the bright spots of Troy's departure, meowmeowbeenz, and the Dean's fantastic freestyle in his payday bar costume, I was more depressed than entertained.

Do I wish they could make more? Of course. No real bridges were burned creatively, and no episode was out and out "bad." It was just personally disappointing. If that was the end, so be it. At least Harmon got to throw dirt on the grave in person.

NBC Serves up a 3rd course of Hannibal!

I'd like to go in depth on what this means to me. I'd like articulate why fans of film everywhere should be relived that Brian Fuller finally has a show that will last 3 seasons. I'm trying, trying, to come up with an unbiased critique of the show so far for anyone sitting on the fence.

But I can't.

My id is screaming in my ear and I can't help but join in.

"YES! YES! OH GOD I WAS SO SCARED, BUT YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YESSSSSS!

...It's a really good show, guys.

Agents of Shield will return next year.

Get back on the front line soldier! Network Television is WAR.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'm a critic whore. If people say something's not worth checking out, I will believe every word I read. But once in a while I stare at the crowd of unimpressed critics aghast.

Agents of Shield was never Shakespeare, but good lord people jumped ship in a hurry. I couldn't blame them at first. Initially it was rough as a dirt road. I rolled my eyes at the sexy Colombian war lord, I winced at Coulson's flying car, and Skye was a Mary Sue for half of the season. But the scripts were witty and the acting was solid. I also had to admit this was the best show about espionage since ALIAS. From an acting stand point alone it positively blew ALIAS out of the damn water.

So that was the metric I gauged it against for the whole season "Is this as unbearable as the first season of ALIAS?" For the most part it was. They settled into a grove 12 episodes in and the fallout of The Winter Soldier kicked things into 3rd gear for the remaining 6. It's a solid show I feel isn't getting the credit it deserves. This is damn good pop fluff, guys. The fancy three flavor kind you get at fancy grocery stores at Christmas. It's not as good as we all hoped it'd be, but I'm absolutely jacked for season 2. I hope some of you will give the second chance I think it richly deserves.

But yeah... Deathlok's costume is FUH. KING. Corny.

Fargo Review: It's pretty good, don-cha-know?

Breaking Bad ended quite a few months ago and I felt I was let down gently. I'm not exactly dying to fill a Walter White shaped hole in my heart. But I'm always on the look out for quality, and the buzz around the new mini series was good. I think it was because I hadn't been looking so hard for the next big thing (which is Hannibal) that Fargo got to me. It's good. Really, really, good. It feels like the work of budding talent that aren't just parroting Fargo, but have taken apart and reassembled it into something just as interesting.

I've been to Minnesota many times in my life, my mother grew up in Edina, but I can't say I remember much about it. I was 10 the last time I was there, it was always in the summer, and nobody had a particularly thick accent. So the Coen brother's Fargo was just as foreign to me as it must have been to most of you.

"No, I was the English Jim from the other offi- ...You know what? I'm sick of explaining this to you yanks."

Familiar beats from the inaugural film remain. There's a brow beaten man turning to a life of violence, mysterious vagrants stirring up more violence, and a strong female lead in law enforcement. But it's obvious from the get go that this is a format that can work for a lot of stories... hence the fact this is now an anthology series.

We open on Lester Nygard (Martin Freeman who's also nailing the accent) sharing a massive bowl of tomato soup with his wife, who nonchalantly (and oh so politely) calls him half the man his younger brother is. Well that's not true, we actually open on something much stranger, but I'll let you see that for yourself.

Does this feel ominous to you? I was going for ominous...

From what I know of Minnesotans (my mother) they are aggressively positive and polite to a fault. This politeness in my mother's case is, more often than not, slathered in mean spirited sarcasm. Everyone's dismissal of  Lester's machismo hit much closer to home than I expected. The casual racism Lester endures from his old high school bully later on, also rang bitterly true. But I'm not going into any personal anecdotes on that count.

I haven't even brought up Billy Bob Thornton yet, and he's having a grand old time playing what is essentially the devil. I'm not exaggerating. The man is cartoonishly conniving and violent. Thornton is clearly having a ball with the material, incredulous though it can be at times, and it's just as much fun to watch him wind all these people up.

It's the relatively unknown Allison Tolman who grounds the series as a rational woman surrounded by contented sheep. She's the only one in the sheriff's department who sees the connection between Nygard's evasive panicking and Thornton's trail of blood. I'm only three episodes in and the chase already has me hooked. Lester is much more sympathetic than William H. Macy's character, but he's still guilty as sin. I'd explain why, but trust me, you'd rather be surprised.

This all struck me as more interesting than the movie ever was, but for a 13 part mini-series I guess it had to be. Sure, a lot of what Thornton's character does seems to be violently creepy for creepy violence's sake... and there's a sub human set of teenage twins that are as boring as characters as they are bad at acting. But to be honest, the Coens did that sort of thing all the time too. Remember John Polito's son in Miller's Crossing? It was like he stumbled out of a completely different movie.

Quibbles aside, it's a damn good serial thriller regardless of the fact it's bobbing in the wake of Breaking Bad. That fact alone should be enough if you were worried about it. It's certainly enough for me.

I'm not feeling too hot.

Sleeping has become more of an issue for me lately. Not sure why. Sometimes I'm out like a light for 8 hours. Sometimes I'm fresh as a daisy at 3 in the morning... then not so fresh at 7:30. Either way, I'm not posting as much as I should.

So to recap:

 *Dark Souls 2 was wonderful and I plan on running through it a couple more times.

I don't have a "silly" helmet, You! yuh- YOU'RE a silly helmet.

 
* Last night's Hannibal was spectacular.

I said this was the best body horror in decades a year ago. They've improved since. How is this on NBC?

*And that Amazon Gary Busey ad is just the best. Didn't they do one with Kevin Bacon years ago? I didn't dream that did I?

So Close....

You might be wondering where I've been. I've been busy. With work and some other more personal thingys. Also Dark Souls 2. God damn, do I love Dark Souls 2. Not only am I happily getting skewered by the final boss-ette right now, I'm apparently in the top ten percent of all steam players.

Because apparently less than 6% of everyone who plays it on steam has gotten as far as I have. That feels pretty amazing. I mean I also have an achievement that less than 3% of all those chumps have. But all I did was talk to some dying soldier until he gave me a helmet.

Still, chalking that up as a win.

Dark Souls 2 PC Impression: Absolutely Goddamn Worth it.

This is a personal screen shot in case anyone gave a damn.

This is the first game I've ever bought twice. That's how deep I am in this series. To think that four years ago (after throwing down Demon Souls in disgust) that I'd not only love it's spiritual successor so much, and then I'd not only buy it's sequel day one, but it's PC port a month later. What happened to me? You know, besides a better paying job? Damn good games happened. Damn good games.

To be honest, there is no major difference between versions in terms of the overall experience, but the little things are already starting to pile up. For one, I can rock the max settings at a silky smooth 60 fps (on a evga 780) which is nice considering even the PC Dark Souls chugged quite a bit during that lava pit sequence. For another, I can read the inventory screen without a damn magnifying glass. Apparently everyone that owns a PS3 also has a massive flat screen and doesn't have an issue with infuriatingly tiny text.

But honestly? The biggest step up is the loading time. No longer am I checking my texts and swigging coffee during the minute and a half trip back to Majula. Now loading is damn near instant. And that, that, was almost worth anouther $50. Almost.

And it's SO much prettier now. I'm spending most of my time just zooming in the camera oogling the stitching on my guy's leather armor. Stupendous texture work, From Software. Stupendous.

Here's the first Age of Ultron pic:

Would we respect him more if Downy Jr. didn't troll us? I sure as hell wouldn't. It's nice to see some faces of the more unsung founders of the Iron Man cum Marvel saga. That's Jeremy Latcham, by the way.

"Who preformed this c-section?" no no no no no NO NO NO DON'T... awwwww.

Hannibal has been on spectacular form all season long. The story has zigged when I thought it would zag and it's contrived returns to normalcy seem poetic instead of tactless. I thought they burned through their A material last week with Dr. Chilton and it looks like they're going to take a break from the serial story for a time.

But that means we get some new killers to focus on, and the nesting doll this week kept me from finishing my lunch. I guess it's dinner now. Anywho, if you're not watching hannibal you're missing out on the best thing on tv right now.

Fargo's pretty good, Thrones is holding steady, and I'm waiting on Orphan Black for a while. But I sincerely doubt they can top what Hannibal's got cooking right now. I mean, I was yelling "don't go in there" to a veterinarian cutting open a horse! Where the hell else are you going to see something like that?!

The Winter Soldier Review: Coup De Grâce.

I wish I could be contrarian about this. I wish my voice could stand out from the chorus. I also wish I had gotten this done a week and a half ago, but here it is. The Winter Soldier was fantastic. It was both a solid political thriller and super hero action set piece, as well as a damn decent character drama.

This should be the point where Marvel slips up. Where their shtick wears thin, their well of stories runs dry and the shadow of an absent Downy Jr. looms large. None of these are the case for Cap 2, though most were for Thor's second go around. I was scared about TWS precisely because Thor 2 was just so stunningly predictable.

Apparently, they had to go back and add more Loki to the mix. Seeing as he barely took up a 6th (far and away the best 6th) of the film, can you imagine how much more earth we would have had to take? I'm getting off topic, but The Dark World had me really frightened, guys. It wasn't "bad" in a "you couldn't pay me to see it again" kind of way. It was just disappointingly boiler plate. It even walked back it's solitary piece of character growth in the last second, seemingly just to salt my wound one more time.

Cap 2 made up for all of that and then some. I'd almost be fine with all marvel movies from here on out being tangentially related to Captain Rogers. Chis Evans isn't simply that good (he is), the plot isn't simply one of the strongest so far (it is), and the action sequences don't simply build on each other and become more impactful as they go (they do).

All of those things coupled with such breezy editing and a direction so confidant I'm convinced cocaine was involved, we have one the best super hero films ever. The fact it all seems to build to something greater is exciting instead of disappointing. I didn't throw my popcorn at the screen and hiss at the strings of obvious cliffhangers. I was more than satisfied at that point and I understood they had to leave me wanting more. And brother? I want MOAR.

Dude, what are you doing with 70 bookmarks? That's embarrassing.

We last left Steve in the hands of Shield, (a clandestine government agency laser focused on protecting the world from supers and aliens, can you believe I typed that with a straight face? ) after the events of the New York invasion and his struggle fitting in to society after 50 years on ice. He's more than happy to run errands for Director Fury, just as long as he can keep his nose to the grindstone and not get too close with anyone he doesn't already know.

 But something begins to stick in his craw about shield, Scarlet Johansson is constantly trying to set him up both romantically and professionally. It seems he hasn't been privy to all the parameters of his operations and has been responsible for padding Shield's bottom line at the expense of civil liberty.

This whole sequence here is just... I don't even... it's so great. It's beyond the expressive power of the English language.

Cap's not too happy about that, but Fury demands that he stow it, his pay grade isn't high enough for him to explain himself. But as one of the tensest and most balls out amazing car chases I've ever seen will soon prove... neither is Fury's. What comes next is hard to explain without spoilers, so I won't. The movie's called the "winter soldier" so what about him? That's a good question, and let me answer it by saying you'll forget about him, mostly. Right up until he pops out of nowhere and grabs the narrative by the throat. Sebastain Stan dosn't have a whole lot to do with what could be easily misconstrued as just anouther cybernetic ninja assasin (I know, I know, another one?) but he makes it work. In fact, I wouldn't call the "final battle" a battle at all. It's the most emotionally complex finale of any Marvel film to date.

Man, I haven't even name checked Robert Redford yet, and he's fantastic. Same goes for Anthony Mackie who turned in one hell of an interview for TWS. Seriously, I was laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. If he doesn't do audio commentary I'm straight up not buying the dvd:

Will Smith should be absolutely terrified.

I'd just end up recapping the whole film if I got into those guys. Everyone has room to breathe here and nearly everyone arcs in a meaningful way. Except for Dani Pudi's cubical drone. But he has less than a minute of screen time so, I guess sacrifices must be made. It's so much fun and I'm in the process of nagging my friends into seeing it again. It's the most entertaining treatise on civil liberty you will ever see. You wouldn't expect a American multimillion dollar film to attack drone ware fare so explicitly and so viciously. But it does so with wit and finesse to spare.

Add that to an end credits sequence that's a monochrome homage to 70's paranoia thriller posters and The Winter Soldier has exhausted all the buttons I have left to be pushed. I haven't had this good of a time at the movies since The Lego Movie. But I haven't had this good a time at a super hero flick since The Avengers. That should be enough to get most of you out to see it, though most of the world already has. For a film that should smack of stone faced propaganda, that's incredible. But than again, so is The Winter Solider.

Happy Anniversary!

 

It's been a whole damn year since I started this thing, and I can't believe I actually stuck with it. While I eventually fell into an every other day post slump, I never let the Crackpot go. Even though I really wanted to.

And you know what? I'm proud of this, I'm glad I'm still writing here, and I have serious plans to keep at it.

So thank you all for reading, it means more than you know.

Blogspot ate my homework.

So... I was gonna publish my Winter solider review today then do something special for my anniversary tomorrow. But fug it. I'm pissed I managed to piss away 800 words after slacking off for 4 days already. I'll do better next year, I promise.

Borderlands 2: The Pre-sequal, Handsome Jack Rising.

   I know I promised you guys a winter soldier review, and I know I promised you guys a goty article on Bioshock Infinite... I'm actually pretty torn up about that. I never sounded convincing enough, it read too much like a true believer instead of objective criticism. I wasn't going to change anyone's mind with it, and it felt like a failure in that regard.

But uh... I don't care about that right now, because there's Borderlands news and it is both surprising and positive. The so called "pre-sequal" is set in between the events of Borderlands 1 and 2 on the infamous Hyperion moon base. We'll see Jack at a better time in his life. A less self absorbed/megalomaniac part of his character arc. If that was all the lore updates they had for me, I'd be more than satisfied. But this is gearbox. This is their flagship and they haven't let this world down yet.

Because Wilhelm (Jack's right hand) and Athena (ex-atlus assassin who hasn't been seen since waaaaaay back in the first game) are playable characters. Even if the game is a cash grab, they've proven to me several times over that no one has more fun with cash grabs than these guys... in terms of Borderlands.

I'm aware of the shady BS surrounding Colonial Marines. How they shoved that piece of garbage out the door and probably siphoned funds from SEGA to fund Borderlands 2 in the bargain. But again, this is Borderlands. The most intentionally funny RPG series ever. One that never seems to get the creative respect it deserves. While this may be out sourced to an Australian dev team, Anthony Birch is still at the creative helm, and he's done a spectacular job so far. Even if it gets absolutely toxic reviews, I'll still pick it up on a steam sale.

I mean come on... Jack's back!

Thanks Polygon!

Look at that shiny MALIWAN something-or-other... god I want it.

Ever wanted to see characters from Breaking Bad in Street Fighter? Well too bad!

Animated by Junior Jessman:

Did you see Hector at the end there? Sometimes I wish I could just hug the whole damn internet!

Happy Weekend Everybody!

Burial at Sea ep 2 Review: heureux, heureux à en mourir

And with that, Irrational games is dead. The studio that personally justified my jump to the last generation, and breathed life in into a fictional world that's up there with wonderland and middle earth, is "restructuring."

Though this may not mean that the Bioshock series is "over," it's creator has washed his hands of it, and whoever takes up the mantle next will have a target the size of the entire critical community on his/her back. But there is one morsel left, the finale of Infinite's story DLC: Burial at Sea. A stealth based romp through Rapture's secret prison and a teary farewell to both Rapture and Columbia.

I know the general reception has been tepid, and I happen to agree with the majority of their points. The plot gets lost more than Carmon Santiago in a Where's Waldo convention, and the ret-conning of Fitzroy's homicidal motivation is as hamfisted as it is unnecessary. I've always thought the turn of Fitzroy from humble people's champion while in hiding, to tunnel visioned murderer in victory; was not only an accurate portrayal of actual uprisings, but a damning commentary of how violence begets violence ad infinitum. Really, a foreshadowing of the finale's multi-dimensional dilemma.

And while I had hoped Burial would at least answer more questions that it raised, and that we'd get treated to a heapin' helping of Andrew Ryan one last time, both of those hopes were dashed. I walked out more confused than I went in (why the hell do we care about SALLY?!), and Ryan only makes the one cameo. But you know what? This wasn't about giving me what I expected. I wasn't expecting the opening sequence to be so beautiful, so hilarious, and just so goddamned perfect. I wasn't expecting to see so much of ol' Frankie Fontaine, I will play though episode 2 just to see his last scene again. It's also just so goddamned perfect.

Hey it's the rumbler! Levine almost referenced Bioshock 2! That must have been painful for him.

I didn't think you could so easily remix Infinite's combat to strictly a stealth affair so easily. But it works like a charm. Playing as Elizibeth, but without her tear powers, is a world apart from Booker's bullet hell repertoire. But once you get oriented, Rapture becomes a much more dangerous and satisfying place. I'd say the whole episode lasts a solid 6 hours, if you really want to root around for plasmid upgrades and secrets. But but the real focus is on the story. As occasionally disappointing as it is, everyone is on point and the dialogue is razor sharp. I knew there were missing pieces here and there (Atlus sets you up to raid Ryan's compound and it never really happens), but I didn't care. They say a great movie is one with 3 good scenes and no bad ones. By that logic, Burial at Sea was a fine conclusion.

There's a fun stealth shooter/survival game underneath it's story driven exterior. But all you'll remember, and care about, is whether or not it ends. Whether it ends well and whether it sets itself up for a sequel. The answer is yes. This is a definitive end for Ken Levine's Bioshock titles. I liked it. I'll definitely play it again and have just as much fun with it. The fact I'll probably never see a game with this kind of budget from Mr. Levine again is saddening.

It feels like he's just getting started. It's a damn shame this is where he and Bioshock part ways. Even if you hated Infinite you owe it to yourself to see what they've done here. Even if you're disappointed, you'll still be fascinated. Because there are 3 perfect moments that will make it all worth it.

And with that, I say goodbye to Bioshock. Most likely, forever.

I did it. I finally shot up with an MMO.

I love video games. That's not a secret, and while I wouldn't describe what I do to be much of a problem, I do know what I can be capable of. Say, after a nasty break up, I'd fall down a civilization hole for a few weeks. So I always made a point to stay away from MMO's. One; because I don't need to know if they'd become an issue for me, and two, I'm not going to subscribe to something I'd already dropped 60 bones on.

This, compounded with the fact I find the vast majority of high fantasy (elves, dwarfs, etc.) beyond tedious, meant nothing in the genre caught my eye regardless. But The Secret World looked different. It threw the typical swords and sorcery bunk out the window and sank it's teeth into techno myths. That originality and possibility sounded like something I'd end up at least appreciating. But there was both a hefty subscription and tepid reviews, both of which have reversed* in the last couple years. The subscription is gone and it's unsung creative successes floated to the surface. Then Steam sold the game, all it's major dlc, and some starting loot for $20.

Even if it physically bit me in the ass, it was a steal. I mean, The Last Remnant made my CPU scream like the shoe from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but that was under $4 so... I honestly didn't mind. I also don't mind TSW so far. The writing's ok, the story doesn't start with a lore dump, and I'm getting the hang of the camera movement. I can't see myself getting addicted though, and it's just as well. If it wasn't for Steam I'd never have even given this genre the time of day. That's why I love those guys.

*I mean, look at those user reviews.

 I am for this kind of batsh*t enemy design, ALL. DAY. LONG.

Noah rises to the top of the box office.

It's always interesting to see what happens to these kinds of movies financially. Religious/Atheist hemming and hawing aside, there's only one kind of faith that runs Hollywood and it is in the all mighty dollar. The short answer is, this did pretty well for itself. The long answer is it grossed about 44.5 million and averaged a B on cinema score.

I like this news for a couple reasons. One, that reactionary criticism from both sides didn't dampen America's interest in a really weird movie. Two, it could open the flood gates (sorry) for some crazy gnostic gospel adaptations. Three, I like Darren Aronofsky, even though he seemed to get away with a metric ton of wholesale plagiarism. But you know, he's still pretty great overall, and he did buy the rights to perfect blue so... yeah that's fair, I guess. So good for Noah, it sounds like a solid time at the movies. I'll probably see it eventually, and the fact Noah eventually turns into Jack Nicholson from the shining sounds amazing. I mean, the guy left every human outside of his family to drown. That would make most of us one wave short of a ship wreck... again, sorry.

Dungeon of the Endless: It's very nearly almost totally ready!

For the last couple of months I've been fooling around in the early access of Dungeon of the Endless. A procedurally-generated turn-based rogue-like tower-defense RPG. That's a hell of a mouthful, but over the last couple of weeks it's managed to become one hell of a game.

It's not technically finished yet, but what's on sale is well worth the asking price. Once you get your head around the strengths and weakness of your convicts; then learn how to ration your food, (level up juice) industry, (tower defense tokens) and science, (for SCIENCEING!) you'll be in too deep to let go.

I guarantee the first time you find the exit to level 2, you will die both quickly and hilariously. Then you'll start again, and again, and again. I'm having a blast in there and I hope you'll feel the same.

Get the Founder Pack, you know you want to...

Burial At Sea Ep: 2 Impressions

Curiouser and curiouser...

If this is the way Irrational sings it's swan song, I'll be absolutely fine with that. The storied studio closes not with a RAGE- like whimper, but a competent and re-invigorating bang. Booker is dead, both of them, and only Elizabeth is left to finish what she started at the end of Infinite.

What that is exactly, I don't really know. Something to do with a little sister named Sally. But the confused motivation aside, this is incredible fan service. Atlas is back, as is Ryan, and Dr. Suchong is now more prominent than ever. It bears mentioning that all the old actors have reprized their roles, and that's almost priceless for me. If this DLC series were part of a kickstarter, I'd seriously consider coughing up $150. That's the kind of quality you'll see in episode 2.

Where the first episode struggled to cram Infinite's freewheeling combat into Rapture's focused survival vibe; the second decides to be a stealth game. Elizabeth can't just whack an enemy to death, and has a knock out/noisemaker crossbow in her arsenal. It's not just a great remix, it feels like completely different game, one that could support a play time twice as long as this should be (about 4-5 hours).

I would recommend the season pass even if you didn't like Infinite half as much as I did. This is easily $40 worth of world building, even if it isn't worth that much in length. This is Irrational at the very top of their game and they will be truly missed.

What I'm watching.

Hannibal's back and better than ever, (and I'd really like gush over that human bee hive last week) but something else has my complete and rapt attention.  That thing is Cosmos, and it's much better than I dared hoped.

I'm no stranger to PBS and NOVA, which means I'm no stranger to Neil Degrasse Tyson, so I thought I knew what to expect from his update to Segan's masterpiece. I thought I'd catch up to it eventually when there was nothing better on. I love me some NOVA, but it's not exactly appointment viewing for me. The stunning fact Seth McFarland got this on FOX in the primmest possible time slot should have been a sign for me. Seth has serious pull, but not a 13 episode, 9:00 on a Sunday, pull. Somewhere along the line, this gorgeous documentary series turned some suits into true believers. Whether it was financially or philosophically, I don't care. Because this documentary came to play.

It looks amazing and Silvestri's soundtrack soars over the heads of most feature films, but that's not what really hooked me. The script is, as they say, dynamite. I'm not ashamed to admit it moved me in ways a sermon never has. Not to say it was a religious experience, but I sit here now genuinely inspired over the size and scope of our universe. I knew the broad stokes about the magnitude of our galaxy swimming in a sea of other galaxies. But Neil breaks it all down so eloquently, I got a little choked up when it got to the "your god is too small" portion.

That being said, it's a little too patronizing at times. The catholic inquisition are basically treated like monsters, and while it's not like that comparison is unfair, it needlessly hands ammo to it's critics. Also it brings up fossil fuels to rib the audience about global warming for a sentence and drops it. It really should have picked it's battles better.

But I don't care, as I said before, I am rapt. It's just so cool without trying too hard and without dumbing anything down. I'm going to tear through the backlog and shake nervously until next Sunday. I'm just swooning over here, man.

Captain America 2 is apparently fantastic.

"Hey! Did you guys see me on Kings? Anyone remember Kings? It was really good... anyone?"

The embargo broke today and the critics are mostly falling over themselves talking about how much they love it. Its written and directed by the Russo brothers, who have an impressive list of credits, (animal practice not withstanding) come from a predominately documentary/comedy background. The word on the street is it manages to blend a political thriller with a character piece, with an action heavy super hero power struggle.

So yeah, Rotten Tomatoes is burning for it, and it looks like this will answer for the half baked shrug that was called Thor 2. Sounds good. I can't wait to see this juggling act in action.

 

So the Peanuts teaser is out, and I hope you're ready for hair swirls in HD!

I grew up with Peanuts, but that doesn't mean I'm all that in love with Peanuts. My funnies allegiance lies squarely at the feet of a strangely articulate 9 year old and his tiger companion. But just because I'm not a fan, doesn't mean I don't understand/respect the hell out of Schultz's work. Proving you can say just about anything if you put it in the mouths of children, slipping themes of futility and depression in the newspapers of millions of homes for over 50 years is the kind of thing than can seduce me into saluting.

And don't even get me started on his elegant criticism of modern psychology. I'm not being sarcastic.

So now BlueSky (The Ice Age guys who have made a profitable career out of being perfectly mediocre except for that bunny short) has the reigns of what I assume is the Peanut Gang's first theatrical feature. And you know what? I don't hate it. The first thing I saw was a picture of Charlie and Snoopy hugging... and smiling. That's not the two I knew from either the comic or cartoons. That's the Charlie and Snoopy from those goddamned Metlife commercials.Where's Snoopies cool indifference? Where's Charlies ennui? 

But that's not what the trailer is about, it's just snoopy buzzing around charlie and ticking him off. Better. MUCH better. Yet still not a sign of anything in either direction of quality story telling. But I like the compromise of making CGI look and move like the old specials. It remains to be seen if they'll talk and feel like the specials too.

Call me crazy, but I'm not holding my breath for another monologue from Linus about the plight of Tolstoy's wife copying War and Peace by hand in failing candle light. Seriously.  Ctrl-F Tolstoy on that sucker. I'll wait.

So I'm cautiously optimistic. It could seriously roll up it's sleeves and deal honestly with childhood depression. That would break down Pixar's door for sure and they could use some healthier competition these days.