Bravo Telltale.

That was your best work yet.There's nothing to say that hasn't been exhausted by every game critic alive. So here's my spoiler free 2 cents. The cameo I was holding out for happened and the arc of Handsome Jack came to a spectacular close. Then the whole final act happened and that was just super awesome gravy. I couldn't be happier, I don't remember a game that has made me laugh out loud this much. I really can't. Though Witcher 3 got some good jabs in.

Take a bow TellTale. No one can touch you now.

Sorry Crackpot.

You deserve better then what I've been. You may be a metaphor for my creative work ethic but that's no excuse. Two reviews are forthcoming this month and at least 15 posts total. May I loose a finger should this not come to pass.

Remember that live action Skyrim Trailer?

Bethesda software remembers. And that got more asses in seats than anything they'd ever done, so they went with the same gambit on Fallout 4:

Aaaaaaaaaand... I love it. I love it, love it. That is the entire Fallout experience expressed over one minute of live action. I am all for this to become a launch tradition.

Don't Listen to the Haters, Rising Tide is Incredible.

In the beginning, I only liked Beyond Earth.  There weren't enough leaders, the draconian health system kept your colony under 7 cities at the best of times, and the trade route system was OP as fuq'. The trade route thing was fixed pretty quickly, but  Firaxis needed to take a cold, hard, look at their game and make several changes to it's foundation if it didn't want to just be a re-skin of Civ V.

They've done it. They've really done it. I'd like to finish a few more games before my formal review, but I am having a god. Damn. Blast. 

The soundtrack ALONE is worth $20.

Time Warner quintupled my speed. Just Because.

I've recently been paying way too much for internet. I figured paying a little more each month beat waiting 8 hours to play GTAV again. But that's stupid. $77 a month just wasn't worth 4 MB's a second.

Now, magically, it's idling between 15-20 MB's a second. Holy fudgeballs. 

They didn't loosen the faucet. They knocked the faucet clear off with a monkey wrench. Bravo, Time Warner. Never thought I'd type those words.

I wonder why Beyond Earth isn't advertising Rising Tide any...

Oh, right. South Carolina is facing old testament style flooding! Seriously, a quarter of that state is under water.

Either way, I'm down for $30 Firaxis, looks great.

Sounds good too.

Armikrog Lives!

I willed it... and it happened! Armikrog has made it to market and while I have no idea if it's any good; I still stand by Pencil Test's* open and jovial relationship with us backers through the mildly tumultuous development.

Still, the fact they finished a stop-motion anything in just under 2 and a half years is cause for applause. The soundtrack is already got my toe a' tappin' and that sucker can't download fast enough.



*Douglas Tennaple has had almost nothing to do with the studio outside of preliminary design work. So if you're boycotting the game to boycott him... you're spitting on the wrong artists. Though I in no way find your desire to do so unreasonable. Not in the slightest.

Flash has gone out of control.

Aaaah-aaaaahhhhhh!

Since the last update, web browsing has become a consistent pain in the ass. I used to let flash player run free, sucking up all the memory it's digital little heart desired. No longer. Every other tab would freeze Firefox and demand I open task manager and disable it, least I loose my precious downloads. Sadly, uninstalling and reinstalling both my browsers and flash have given me the exact same results.

Come to think of it, it's been like this for a while now. If I had a problem with firefox, disabling flash would fix it 99.9% of the time. For now, I'll only run it on Hulu and it's a shame I have to end it like this. We've got along famously for years.

But you've changed Flash. I feel like I don't know you anymore.

Inon Zur plays the piano.

It ain't Fallout 4 news, but damn if it didn't put a smile on my face. Zur is the Hans Zimmer of gaming, which is kind of a back handed compliment. They both kinda fade into the background for years only to snap out of their funk after a while with something truly original. His work on Fallout hits the brass ring of theme writing. Something simple, yet effective. Something that can handle bombastic swells, yet can also scale back to something quieter and intimate.

It's a really good theme and I'm glad he kept it:

  

Well I guess I have to see The Martian now.

The best ideas seem obvious only in retrospect and The Martian is a phenomenal idea. It's a survival story, it's a ticking clock story, it's got an ensemble, and it's also a one man show. If ever there was an opportunity to have cake and eat it it's now.

Rotten Tomatoes thinks it does. That praise is so glowing you could read by it. I'm so fuggin' pumped.

I kinda hate MGSV too.

I haven't picked up MGSV in earnest for over a week. I really think I'm done with it. Maybe it's because I work 50 hours a week now. Maybe it's because my love life turned around (finally) or maybe it's because turning metal gear solid into an open world completely diluted what I personally liked about it most.

The physical freedom adds too much tedium to be worth it. Taking out enemy checkpoints nets you paltry experience and they re-staff to quickly to ever be worth it. I'm sick of scrounging for supplies, I'm tired of the exponential cost of staff upgrades. I want some goddamn story progression! It's been 20 hours and I've hit a single (creepily sexist) story beat.

They also clearly couldn't get Kiefer to sit in on most of the facial capture stuff because Snake has characters talk at him 8 times out of 10 while he just sorta stares at the ceiling. Completely stone faced. It gets really hard to watch.

I don't know, I'll get to the end eventually. I won't let myself buy Fallout 4 until I do. That oughta to light a fire under my ass.

Bloodborne: The Old Hunters Trailer!

Damn. Fine. Soundtrack. Hell, nothing in the main game is half as good as that trailer track. I want that and all of that horse demon goodness!

I don't wanna write about not wanting to write!

Thanks, patronus4000!

But then, they say, that's exactly when you should. The Movie/TV/Gaming front isn't piquing my interest of late. Sure, Colbert's back, and sure, he's amazing but why write what everyone else is writing about him?

Guuuuh. I can do this! Let's see... a court ruled in favor of the backers in a shady kickstarter campaign. That's pretty legally awesome, now those KS'ers will have to at least try to make their product first.

M. Night returned to form with The Visit, or did he? BMD says yes, Movie Bob says hellllllll no. After Lady in the Water that man isn't getting another penny out of me for less than 87% on rotten tomatoes. No less!

What makes you S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?

Tod Howard promised Fallout 4 would have little animated shorts explaining the game's relationship with the special system, but damn... I didn't expect a style parody this good:

This guy's code name is "Death Platypus"

Ya'll have a wonderful day now.

Isn't Pedro Pascal just the best?

Zap2it's got a great interview with my new favorite character actor Pedro Pascal. He's great in Narcos and he has Games of Throne's best death scene (two year old spoiler). My man crush is strong with this one and his story of getting into Javier Pena's character is worth your 2 minutes. Zap to it.

I'm not saying I'm great at MGSV.

This chick, ROCKS.

But I sure don't suck. Though I should stop trying to run through the front door every time. That's my problem, I'm dealing with it.

I'm in.

Snappy installation, reasonable 20 gig install, stable frame rate so far, completely intelligible story with a tinge of sci-fi horror... this must be a Kojima joint. Great stuff so far. Though your buddy in the hospital is too competent an actor to not also be Kiefer Sutherland*. Everyone else sounds like they're reading thier lines before thier second cup of coffee. Love the game, but I'm going to rag on Kojima's story telling and actor direction so hard. That's just going to happen.


*Or it's Troy Baker. Whatever.

One more Week.

I just wanna stick my hands hands in it!

One more week and my first, and only, Kickstarter shows up on my hard drive. A lot of people have that one game. The game that got them so young just thinking of the title screen make them feel a little better. The Neverhood is that game to me. The thing that finally comunicated to my dad and sisters that not all games were completely insipid. That was really important to me.

 The dev blogs were nice, but Armikrog wasn't real until I saw that screen shot. Just like that, I'm home again.

Is Konami gonna pull an Arkham Knight?

I mean, here we are again. A game has rave reviews on the ps4 but nobodies said a word about how the PC version is. Is this another case of a less than reputable company cashing out on pc pre order-

Whoops. My finger slipped. I own MGSV now. At least ground zeros is free...

Show me a Hero Mini-Review: Train Wreck in Slow Motion.

Let me be clear, the fact that this show is a train wreck is completely intentional. This is a small town civic tragedy that will suck you in and will not let go. In 1988 A judge demanded that Yonkers NY. build 8 affordable housing projects in order to integrate it's blizzard-condition white populous. In the hands of a lesser crew, the lines of good and evil would be clearly drawn: projects development good/small white town prejudice bad. Unfortunately, that is not something David Simon has ever done. Up to, and including, this miniseries.

You care about the families, young and old, that are forced to live in NY's decrepit projects. That's the easy part. The fact you end up rooting for the achingly naive mayor Frank Wasicsko's quixote-esque quest to stop a federal ruling is not. Oscar Isaac is so quietly endearing he could have been lobbying for the deportation of infants and I'd still hear him out.

There are no easy answers in the first 2 episodes, I dare say there's no answers at all. The entire situation sucks. Hard working middle class people will have their property values thrown into the sh**ter against their will. But their childish belly aching towards their impotent public figures burns away any sympathy they're owed. The town hall meeting in episode 2 pulses with an anger that's hard to define. It feels like you're there, when it ended I was completely worn down. But again, the most lovable character in this show ran on a platform to keep Yonkers white. If Game of Thrones didn't teach you a lesson about history not having any real villains, this will.

Like nearly all of Simon's work, this is more of an historical record than entertainment. The fact it's also rapturously compelling is a bonus, I guess.

Facing my "Steam"-ing pile of shame.

These days I'm working a lot and it seems I've had more money than sense. 22 year old me would be ashamed at how many damn good games I've left barely half finished. I vow I will not purchase another until I finish at least one of these suckers.

Transistor: combat was too tactically deep to bother to be much fun, but the soundtrack will probably get me through it.

Dying Light: I played Dead Island into pulp 4 years ago and DL wasn't the drastic step forward I apparently needed it to be. But that grappling hook is something else.

Pillars of Eternity/Divinity: Nobodies a bigger fan of Obsidian's writing than me, but there's just something about those isometric RPGs that just snuffs me out. I'm gonna try one again, I owe them that much.  

The Man from U.N.C.L.E soundtrack review: Badass Balalaika

The gist of the TMFU reviews are pretty meh. But that's just it, as a lifelong soundtrack addict (they help me write) I know I can never judge a soundtrack by it's movie. Great movies have terrible soundtracks and vice versa.

You can totally judge them separately, because composers are usually brought it in for the last couple months of production to crap something out. Except famously in Morricone's westerns, I'd say that paid off pretty well:

So while TMFU doesn't make much of an impression; it's soundtrack is a quirky, yet fiery, triumph.  It's just so shamelessly 60's. It takes everything that was huge in European pop at the time and makes it all work.

Come on, how 60's was that? But it isn't all harpsichords and bass guitars. It has time for Russian folk music, jazz flutes, and finger snaps. Daniel Pemberton has out done himself, each track is like an isolated essay. It plays more like an experimental instrumental album than cohesive theme based fare. Though it does have a heroic theme, and I love it to bits:

Pemberton couldn't have gone big, tried for a Bondian feel, but resisted. It's sad, subtle, and humble. It illustrates a work-a-day operative's life rather the glamour of Bond's gentleman spy bravado. You've also probably figured out I didn't just throw up Morricone's pocket watch theme for no good reason. Pemberton is obviously a humongous fan and mixing the spy thriller with the operatic western was a perfect choice. It's climax even uses vocals, Morricone vocals... you'll know what I mean when you hear it.

It's the best soundtrack I've heard in a good long while, so good I ended up writing about it. So good I'm recommending it to people who don't even listen to these things. Just trust me, if you avoided all those videos above, do me a favor. Hit this last one and try not to enjoy yourself.

Try.

We're not getting Torchlight 3. We're getting something far stranger.

What's a hob?

Oh! ok... I'm into it. Shine on Runic games, I'm right behind you.

MLK is James Bond.

Stunned. I am stunned. I wasn't even aware he was English. Yep, born in Oxford. Wow. Just wow. I'm having a hard time being coherent right now. To be blunt, he's only commissioned for a new audio book "Trigger Mortis." But he is playing bond and he's physically perfect for the role. This has to be a soft opening for him, it has to be!

They said I had to use the "proton pack" at work today.

"The what? The WHAT?!" Said I.

Oh. OHHHH. Awesome. 

The road trips in True Detective season 2 are somehow more ridiculous than the season itself.

They traveled this in less than a DAY.

People who live in California have been harping on the stupidly long mileage the cast of season 2 have been racking up and I thought that was a bit nit picky. Thanks to Wired, I now know that no nits were, in fact, picked.

Season 2 doesn't so much have plot holes as much as plot chasms.

Turn Turn Turn.

It's turn week at my other job. Which means people are moving back to Durham and the heat gets turned up at both my jobs. I spend the morning and afternoon flinging couches over railings and the nights and early mornings closing a restaurant.

I'm... sleepy. Hannibal's final (let's face facts, people) season's really good though. Been pretty happy with that. What's new with you guys?

X-COM 2 is lookin' gud.

You can send scrubs on off screen assignments (just like in the underrated Bureau), the soldier customization is deep and wide, classes are taught and are no longer random, and it generally looks crisp and more confidently funded.  A lot of solid sequel boxes are checked, foundation wise, here's hoping the actual game is any good. But I kid, this dev has a 95% of making a figurative gameplay headshot.

Good work commander.

Dark Souls III Trailer: So that's how you make a bonfire...

Oh. I'm Sold. But then, I'm always sold on From Software. And they FINALLY have a decent soundtrack. I mean Bloodborne was good (this is better).

So Bungie recast Peter Dinklage in Destiny... a year later.

So Bungie just told one of the most beloved actors working today to go f**k himself. Nolan North has completely re-done his entire role. One that was said to be sleepy at best, but come on. This is what happens when publishers have way too much time and money to hold grudges.

You couldn't hold on to someone like Dinklage for the kind of marathon schedules games demand and you shouldn't have erased his entire performance with a patch. That's... so petty and so expensive. Good lord, Bungie.

Not you, Mr. North. I get what it's like for a working actor and you're as class an act as they come. We're still super cool.

My office job isn't really an office job. (and I love it)

I cut my professional teeth in manual labor. As such I've always had a soft spot for that feeling at the end of the day when I cut myself out of my shrunken and salty sweat soaked jeans in my mad dash for a shower. A moment of victory hard earned and richly deserved.

For some reason I thought working at an office in an apartment complex meant dealing with officy things and they do... when people actually bother to move out. When they decide to turn our $150 dollar a bag "trash out" policy as a maid service my callused hands are conscripted. A solid quarter of our tenets are wealthy glob trotting students. So the idea that they themselves would sully their brows with sweat over shlepping their 80 pounds of clothes/cleaning supplies off the 3rd floor is simply out of the question.

I haven't sweated like I have today in almost 5 years. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it. Plus it's not every day you get to "throw out" easilly $800 worth of kitchen supplies. Seriously. This guy left his entire kitchen behind and was all "...eh. I'll pay $300 to get rid of it."

I always wanted a wok.

Bojack Horseman Season 2 Review: Hollywoo Land.

You're broken and no one can fix you.

That is the central theme of one of the funniest show this year. It's mastery of absurdity and tragedy is unparalleled. You couldn't make this show with real people. You couldn't make it without it's goofy animal puns or it's increasingly intricate background gags or stable of bit players. It turns out when you mix Californication with Rocko's Modern Life you get the most honest cold stare at depression I've ever seen.

We open on Bojack listening to a self help audio book on his phone. He's helped publish a best selling autobiography and is about to go into work and play his dream role. He wants desperately to be happy and now has all the things he thinks he needs to pull that off. Though the book about all his life's accomplishments was called "One Trick Pony" and his dream role is a disgraced athlete who ultimately flung himself off a bridge.

This is also a show where in the forth episode the D in the Hollywood sign was stolen and everyone everywhere stopped calling it "Hollywood." I'm not sure how it keeps such a firm grasp while wrangling such opposite tones but it's marvelously successful 88% of the time. I say 88% because it does get a little too out there sometimes. 

Like when Bo's homeless couch surfing roommate reveals he's been secretly building his own homebrew Disneyland for years. I love Todd and I love how other characters shoo him away by asking him why he isn't having another "wacky" adventure. Yet the fact they needed such an obvious lampshade is part of the problem. He seems to be on a different show, a show that perfectly complements Bo's self inflicted misery, but still.

Actually, a lot of stories run parallel to Bo this year. Diane, his ex ghost writer/ex hopeless object of affection, and her husband (golden retriever Mr. Peanutbutter) have their own arc as a couple. The contrast of the cold intellectual with a vain, but fiercely loyal, air-head flows naturally from a huge fight to a shaky makeup to the most amazingly titled game show of all time:

I'll let that title be a surprise.

They have a real marriage. Their differences fester and drive them apart but ultimately make them more honest people. Yeah. Look at that gif and read that last sentence again. They have their dramedy cake and eat it too. I said before that Diane could carry the show on her own and she does for a while. Vindication is just the best, you guys.

The performances are all solid as well. This season gets bonus points for the most consecutive credit shocks ("wait... HE was in this?!!) I've ever had with a show. Liev Schreiber is in season 2 somewhere. I dare you to find him.

The 3 major arcs outside of Bojack may get sidelined for a while but they all reach a conclusion worthy of lead characters. I mean to say that this is now officially an ensemble show with 2 of the best female leads in television. If the male centric marketing turned you off, ignore it. No other show has ever explored  the fallout of sexual assault allegations this honestly (there's that word again). I'm not the only one who thinks so.

"You know what Oxpeckers do to Hippos... right?"

I want to keep gushing. I want to talk about Lisa Kudrow's amazing role as Bo's steady. How she's funny as hell while playing a character that essentially bores Bojack. She's entertaining AND boring. How? How did she do that? Holy crap. But I have to stop.

 My flirtation with the show a year back has turned into a full time love affair. I've watched the season twice already and I'm seriously considering watching it a third time. Except maybe I'll skip Escape from L.A. That ones pretty hard to watch but it also might be its greatest. Does that make sense? If it gets you to watch the show I don't care if I'm typing in tongues.

I've been having a rough go of it lately and this show helped me.  I feel its best to lay that bias on the table. Just sayin' I'm a little too close to it. But I'm also not shouting in a vacuum this year, the consensus has been deafening. This is a wonderful show that delights and horrifies. It can make the funniest "elephant in the room" gag you've ever seen and then spend the rest of the episode slowly filling you with existential dread. It looks like something that ran for one season on Fox 3 years ago but it feels like a modern classic.

Sunset Boulevard by way of The Simpsons.

You know who ELSE thinks New Vegas is the best Fallout?

I'm listening...

Why, its the Starbucks of gaming journalism. I kid. Somebody has to be at the top and somebody has to be the industry's pet. Never forget they discovered real talent in both Jessica Chobot (who they've since replaced with a blonde pod-person) and Greg Miller.  They're all right most of the time, I don't mind them as much as some.

So let's see... that's Honest Trailers, Eurogamer, myself, and now IGN.

Ya'll just banked some serious brownie points. Becaue I am just that easy.

How good is Bojack season 2?

It's so good I'm willingly (hell, GLADLY) watching it all over again before finishing my review. It's no longer an unappreciated gem. It's evolved into one of the best animated shows yet produced and is still the most accurate portrayal of depression on screen. At least to me.

I've never done that before, for what it's worth.

Bojack's website is the perfect crystallization of 90's web design hell.

I honestly didn't think I could love this show more. #bojackthoughts

 #miracle

#everydayisamiracle

On binging Bojack:

It's good... really good. In the company of Archer, Bob's Burgers, and the golden age of The Simpsons good. A formal review is forthcoming.

God, they really hit the ground running this year.

Arkham Knight won't be patched until... oh, Jesus H.

A leaked memo just confirmed a worry I had. That the earliest I can expect AK to run properly is September. Or November!

"As previously advised, we have stopped sales of Batman: Arkham Knight PC while Warner and Rocksteady work on addressing performance issues with the game," it reads. "The latest information from Warner is that the updates won’t be available until Spring. Due to this we have made the difficult decision to recall all PC stock from stores to return to the vendor until an acceptable solution is released.”

They're talking about the Australian spring... so September.

2- 5 more months. Stupendous.

4 episodes deep and True Detective is still spinning it's wheels.

I'm sorry buddy. We can't ALL have a mcconaissance.

While still managing to be hypnotically watchable and showcasing Taylor Kitsch's best performance yet, this season's essentially a bust. We've barely covered enough intrigue to fill a feature film and the scant clues we have don't connect in any tantalizing ways.

When every suspect is a scum bag capable of anything the audience doesn't care when it's over. You're not spinning a mystery, you're playing duck, duck, goose. That shootout was pretty great, though. Too bad there's no one left to question.

That new job smell.

After floating around manual labor and restaurant jobs these last 4 years I've finally nailed down an, honest to god, DESK JOB. Finally I can put on a tie for work... I was becoming concerned that would never happen. It's only a 15 hour a week part timer but my long starved resume will never be the same. These are the first tentative steps to a full time job with benefits.

And at long last I can pay for health insurance!